短文寫作

劉習文

【試題呈現】

請根據以下提示，并結合事例，用英語寫一篇短文。詞數不少于120字.

Only when we match our words with actions can we make a difference in what we hope to accomplish.

【審題點撥】

這是一篇開放性話題作文，與近幾年高考命題特點相符，同學們可以靈活表達，但應該注意：

1. 布局好”三段式”結構，首段開門見山，直接陳述觀點，第二段通過事例加以說明，舉例例證，要在“為什么”上深入開掘；第三段總結并深化自己的觀點。此類命題具有思辨性寫作特點，就是要一分為二地展開分析，要有思維的深度，否則就是泛泛而談。

2. 重點要放在有效運用所學語言知識，準確使用高級詞匯和復雜的句式結構上。

3. 關鍵是要清楚連貫地傳遞信息，要注意句與句、段與段之間的過渡語或銜接詞的運用，起承轉合，行文流暢，一氣呵成。

【習作一】

Everyone has his or her own dream during the lifetime. However， only a part of people achieve what they dreamed in the beginning. Whether one matches his or her words with action really makes a difference.

When I first entered the high school， my ambition was to be the first one in my class. With great enthusiasm， I made a lot of plans for studying. However， it was so lazy of me to study hard. I nearly forgot what I had made in previous time. After a term， my grade just became worse， which hurt me a lot. Having been blamed by my parents and teachers， I started to try to find myself. Determined to accomplish my goal， I spared no effort to get more knowledge. Eventually， it paid off.

It is really important for all of us to match our words with actions. Only in this way can we lead a happy and successful life.

這是一篇中檔習作。其優點是：

1. 本文條理性強，布局合理，段落層次分明，“三段式”特點突出。

2. 作者嘗試使用了一些復雜的句式結構，如：名詞性從句使句子之間自然巧妙地連接起來，避免文章平淡無味；靈活運用了非謂語形式，使句子簡潔高級。

Whether... really makes a difference.（主語從句）

When I first entered... （狀語從句）

...， my ambition was to be the first one in my class. （不定式作表語）

...， which hurt me a lot. （定語從句）

...， it was so lazy of me to study hard. （不定式復合結構）

Having been blamed...， （現在分詞）

Determined to achieve... （過去分詞做狀語）

Only in this way can we lead ...（倒裝句）

3. 作者還運用了一些高級詞匯、短語和表達法，如：enthusiasm， spared no effort， pay off， lead a...life. With great enthusiasm。

不足之處是：

1. 首段表達觀點的語言還需提煉。如改為As an old saying goes， actions speak louder than words. Whoever hopes to have his dream realized should match his words with actions.

或 As is universally acknowledged， there is no doubt that we cant make a difference if we dont match our words with actions. As a consequence， only when we work with actions can we transform our goals into reality.

2. 第二段舉例證明觀點時，缺少自然銜接過渡。可在段落前加上如 Take my personal experience as an example.或When it comes to me， I still remember my experience.或A scene never faded away from my memory.endprint

3. 高級詞匯和復雜句式結構的運用不夠豐富，多樣性欠缺。有些句式結構可做進一步錘煉。

【習作二】

There is no doubt that actions can make us find our way to what we hope to accomplish. It makes no sense that we say our ambitious words without actions. This reminds me of my devoted friend Bob， whose deed leaves me a strong impression.

As a matter of fact， it used to be typical of Bob to say big words. Nevertheless， he never put them into practice， which contributes to his failure in exams. The other day， he announced to the class that he would become the top student of our class. Meanwhile， some of our classmates responded with a shout of laughter， “How can you succeed without actions， Bob？” Numbed with shock， Bob left silently. What surprised us all was that Bob did bury himself in studies from then on. With great efforts， he managed to achieve his goal eventually. Now when asked about how he made it， Bob said “It is what my classmates commented on me that struck me， and then I am determined to make a change， which really makes a difference.”

Taking all aspects into consideration， I can safely draw a conclusion that it is actions that promise us a bright future. Only when we match our words with actions can we realize our dream.

這是一篇高檔習作?！?br>