淺談英語寫作中遣詞造句的“淡妝”與“濃抹”

丁允書

摘要:英語寫作中,熟練運用句式變化的技巧進行遣詞造句,可以將句子的外部形態上的“淡妝”與內部結構的“濃抹”結合起來。若能做到“淡妝濃抹總相宜”則會使文章彰顯活力,豐富生動,耐人尋味,從而使習作者在高考中取得理想分數,樂于寫作。

關鍵詞:遣詞造句、“淡妝”、“濃抹”

英語寫作教學中,筆者經常遇到一些學生抱怨自己的作文單調乏味,討厭寫作。其原因是多方面的,不過,句式單一、缺乏變化是其中一個重要原因。《普通高中英語課程標準》明確提出教師要幫助學生掌握寫作技巧。其中寫作技巧中,就包括遣詞造句。因此,掌握一些句式變化的技巧,無論是平時的習作還是應對高考的書面表達都是很有必要的。筆者認為,寫作技巧中的遣詞造句可以將句子的外部形態上的“淡妝”與內部結構的“濃抹”結合起來,使文章彰顯活力,豐富生動,耐人尋味,使習作者能夠體驗成功的快樂,在高考書面表達中取得理想分數,從而樂于寫作。那么,寫作中的遣詞造句如何做到“淡妝濃抹總相宜”?

一、句子外部形態的“淡妝”

句子外部形態的淡化也就是長短句、簡單句、復雜句的交替使用。我們提倡句子的“淡妝”即句子的簡練,但不是說都用簡單句。學生在寫初稿的時候往往寫出的只是表達初始想法的簡單句子,這就要在修改定稿時對句子進行一些細加工,使它們更緊湊連貫。

從不同角度劃分,句子有不同種類和結構。為了多樣化起見, 可將簡單句、并列句和復合句等各類句子融合在一起。以學生的習作為例:

I would like to smile at my parents. They have given me life. They have taken all the trouble to bring me up. They arrange almost everything for me. I have made great progress with their help. I would like to say “Thank you” to them with a smile. I should smile to myself. I can gain more confidence in smiling my troubles away. And I can live a better life.

這幾個簡單句只是幾個事實的簡單羅列,并且都是以主語開頭,句子種類顯得單一,缺乏變化。下面是修改后的段落:

First, I would like to smile at my parents because they have given me life and taken all the trouble to bring me up. They arrange almost everything for me. With their help, I have made great progress. I would like to say “Thank you” to them with a smile. Then I should smile to myself, for only in this way can I gain more confidence in smiling my troubles away and live a better life.

改寫后的這段文字句子種類多樣,長短不一,句型結構變化大、合理、緊湊,讀來生動流暢,格外自然。大致說來,在合并的過程中,如果各句在意思上具有同等的地位,則可以把句子合并成并列句。如果各句的地位不同等,有的應該處于主要地位,有的處于次要地位,這時,可以把各句合并成復合句。

另外從句子的長度來看,寫作提倡長短交錯,即長句與短句交錯使用。句子的長與短是相對而言的。長句一般容量大,用詞較多,且結構復雜,甚至可以包含5W(who, what, where, when, why)的諸多信息。讀者從一個句子就可知道它敘述了哪幾個W。長句的修辭效果是表意嚴謹、精確、細致。反之,為短句,短句一般結構簡單、緊湊,直截了當,生動活潑。長短句交替使用不僅能表意豐富,增強抒情效果,而且產生特殊的修辭效果。一句或幾個長句之后,緊跟一短句,稱之為修辭性語句。

以2009年江蘇高考題為例,學生的習作修改前后對比如下:

修改前:The mouse is a device. It is used by people to communicate with a computer. It is impossible for people to operate a computer or surf the internet without a mouse. A mouse is really handy, flexible and convenient in controlling the screen. We can use it to insert, delete, move and copy what we want. We can use it to edit text, browse web pages and download what we want.

修改后:The mouse is a device used by people to communicate with a computer. For most people it is impossible to operate a computer without a mouse, let alone surf the internet. A-well-chosen mouse is really handy, flexible and convenient in controlling the screen. With the functions of inserting, deleting, moving and copying, it enables us to edit text, browse web pages and download what we want.

表達同樣的內容的兩段文字,修改前,僅僅是幾個短句的簡單羅列,句子種類單一,缺乏變化;而修改后,長短交錯,句式錯落有致,靈活搭配,語言富有參差靈動的美感。長短句交替使用,在語言表達上變化多姿,使文字表達更具有新鮮感、富有活力,產生特殊的美感,有很多亮點,也增加了得分點,其效果與修改前迥然不同。

二、句子內部結構的“濃抹”

我們強調句子的簡練,并非鼓勵學生去追求長句、復雜句。我們追求的是句子內部結構的“濃抹”,即句子結構的多變。一篇好的文章能根據表達的內容使用不同的句子結構,會產生較好的藝術效果。

一方面,可以從句子的開頭入手。以靈活多變的手法寫好句子開頭是使句子結構多樣化的一條重要途徑。句子一般都是以主語起首的(即句子=S+V+O)。但這樣的句子使用過多會使文章在形式上缺乏新鮮感。而形式上做到多樣化,就能增強文章的魅力,提高讀者的興趣。下面以2009年江西高考書面表達為例, 學生習作與修改后文章對比如下:

修改前:I found I was wrong. I came to realize ‘Failure is the mother of success. I should find the reason why I got a bad result. I thought this was a lesson to me. I find my shortcomings though the lesson. I could improve my English with it. So my bad mood turned into a good one.

以上幾乎全部是主語領先句,開頭缺少變化,文體單一,這是初學者常犯的毛病。為了使文章語言生動,引人入勝,我們可以變化句子開頭,把各種不同的詞或成分放置句首,使用各種不同的句型。

修改后:But after a while, I found I was wrong for I came to realize ‘Failure is the mother of success. What I should do was to find the reason why I got so bad a result. And I thought this was a lesson to me and it helped me to find my shortcomings. Just as a saying goes: ‘Every coin has two sides., maybe it could help me to improve my English. So my bad mood turned into a good one.

上段文章經過這樣的修改,效果大為不同:文章語言生動,充滿魅力,富有新鮮感,高考閱卷時,能夠吸引閱卷老師的眼球,獲得認可。

再者,習作者還可以從句子結構的多變即句子內部結構的“濃抹”著手。以多樣的手法寫好除句子開頭的其它部分,是使句子結構多樣化的又一條重要途徑。我們寫句子時,根據不同的需要,可以采取主動與被動的交替使用;也可以將句子的修飾成份放在句子前面,也可以用在句子的中間,還可以用在句子的后面;既可以用普通句也可以用強調句或感嘆句;再者,既可以選用正常語序也可以選用倒裝語序。這樣,在語言表達上會更具有感染力,引人入勝,高考中更容易獲得閱卷老師的青睞。

再以2009年重慶高考題為例, 學生習作與修改后文章對比如下:

修改前:We should be thankful to others. We live in a big family. We can get support from the people around us every minute. What can we do when we get support? We can say “thanks” to them. Our traditional culture is such. We learn it when we are very young. Our parents and teachers told us. We also learn it from books and others. It is already deep in our hearts. So I strongly support this topic.

以上幾乎都是“S+V+O”的結構,句型單一,且主語單調,缺少變化。為使文章富有吸引力,我們可以用句子外部形態的“淡妝”與句子內部結構的“濃抹”來加以修改。

修改后:In my opinion, being thankful to others should be the hottest topic at present. As we know, we live in the world, a big family. Every minute we can get support from the people around us. What can we do when we get support? The best thing we can do is to politely say “thanks” to them. This is our traditional culture. We learn it when we are very young not only from our parents and teachers but also from books and others. It is already so deep in our hearts that I strongly support this topic.

同樣的內容,不同的載體,修改后,句子賦予了“淡妝”與“濃抹”,使文字表達富有變化,增加了新鮮感,給文章增色不少,讀來津津有味,樂不釋手,高考書面表達獲得高分是情理之中的,其效果與修改前大不相同。

總之,在英語寫作中遣詞造句要盡量避免單調、反復地使用簡單句,如反復地使用同一種句式結構容易使文章索然無味,缺乏表現力;反之,寫作中對句子加以“包裝”,遣詞造句力求做到句子外部形態的“淡妝”與句子內部結構的“濃抹”相結合, 一句話,“淡妝濃抹總相宜”。那么,我們寫作時就能夠妙筆生花,樂在其中;我們的文章則會豐富生動,耐人尋味,產生較好的藝術效果;我們的書面表達就能在高考中脫穎而出,取得高分。