不如放手

Better Let Go Than Hold On

2我們這一生要走過許多地方，故鄉往往只在遠方。有些人情長，到哪兒都不能釋懷，鄉愁頓成夢魘；而另一些人心寬，距離從來不是問題，心中有家，四海皆為家。與其緊抓不放，不如學會放手，離開其實并沒有想象中那么艱難。

Bridget Kendall （Host）： We all like to have some control over our lives. The idea of risking freefall by letting go is scary， but it can also be 1）exhilarating， and useful. So how easy do you find it to let go， whether of the past， of places or ideas and traditions？ Today I want to discuss why some of us find it easier than others with award-winning Bulgarian author Miroslav Penkov. Brought up in Bulgaria， but now a writer and university professor based in Texas， from where you join us. So， in one very important way， you’ve already let go， haven’t you， of your homeland， Miroslav？ But， about you letting go of Bulgaria， because there’s a country， which actually， unlike the 2）Strandzha Mountains， it’s not part of the 3）shifting borders， at least recently， in the Balkans， but it’s changed hugely in the last 20 years， leaving the Soviet Communist Block and joining the European Union. And there you are as a young man， you decided to leave it and go off to the United States to study. Did the fact that the country was transforming itself， did that make it easier or harder for you to let go and go off to America？

Miroslav： Well， that was the reason， I would say， um…

Bridget： Um hmm.

Miroslav： …the sad reason. I’d much rather have stayed in Bulgaria， to be honest， just didn’t seem possible for what I wanted to do， which is this sort of silly gamble that I wanted to be， um， a writer， and I wanted to write in English， which now， to be honest， I don’t think I’ll be that…that brave. But， you know， I was 18 then， and didn’t think twice about it， and， uh， the chance presented itself. I was able to get a scholarship to go and study in America， so I said， “I will. ”

But， uh， what’s 4）paradoxical， but at the same time very logical， is the fact that I left Bulgaria made me realize how much， you know， in the old 5）cliché， I cared for it. And it actually 6）heightened my sense of belonging to that place. And it heightened my sense of belonging to the people， the Bulgarian people， and to my family. And not only did I not let go of Bulgaria， but， in fact， I found

it. It’s just that I found it in Arkansas in America. Um， and it presented itself in the form of dreams and visions and， uh， aspirations and recollections of times that I never really lived through， but I believe collectively there’s some collective…I， um， think there’s something to the 7）collective unconscious， being able to dream the dreams of other people， who’ve lived before you， and I was able to suddenly 8）tap into that energy. And then you realize that， physical distance means absolutely nothing.

Bridget： Standing back…

Miroslav： If…if…

Bridget： …in order to see it better.

Miroslav： …if your mind， if you can…if you can 9）tune your mind， like the radio， to receive what the collective unconscious has to say， it really doesn’t matter where you are in space.

Bridget： It’s interesting how this idea of letting go， it’s already thrown up quite so many paradoxes that letting go can actually bring you closer to things…

Miroslav： Umm.

Bridget： …that distance can actually make you nearer， and holding on can sometimes make you feel further away.

布里奇特·肯達爾（主持人）：我們都希望能掌控自己的人生。冒著自由墜落的風險松開手固然可怕，但這也可能是一種愉快有益的體驗。不管是對過去、某個地方、某些想法，還是對某些傳統，你覺得放手有多難呢？今天我們請到了保加利亞獲獎作家米羅斯拉夫·片科夫，一起討論討論為什么一些人似乎比其他人更容易放手。你在保加利亞長大，但現在成了一名作家和大學教授，在美國德克薩斯州生活，也是從那兒參與我們的討論。那么，從某一特別關鍵的方面來說，你對家鄉已經放手了，是嗎，米羅斯拉夫？但，說到你對保加利亞的放手，說到底那是一個國家，事實上，與斯特蘭賈山地不同，保加利亞并不屬于巴爾干半島移動邊界的一部分，至少在近期不是如此。在過去20年里，保加利亞發生了翻天覆地的變化——脫離前蘇聯共產主義陣營，加入了歐盟。而你，一個年輕人，決定離開祖國，動身前往美國留學。祖國正在自我轉型，這種情況是讓你覺得更容易還是更艱難做出放手的決定，并到美國去呢？

米羅斯拉夫：嗯，這其中是有原因的，我得承認……

布里奇特：嗯。

米羅斯拉夫：……一個令人傷心的原因。老實說，我寧愿留在保加利亞，只是我看不到實現自己夢想的一丁點可能性，說起來，整個過程有點像一場愚蠢的賭博，因為我想成為……一名作家，一名用英語寫作的作家。