結束：如釋重負

Endings That Set Us Free

1當告別的時刻來臨，可能是不得不離開的痛苦，也可能是往事不堪回首的羞愧，我們總是迫不及待想要翻過這一頁，急不可耐地專注于下一個新篇章。這一次，讓我們稍稍放慢腳步……

Gene Purcell （Host）： My experience has been that most people do kind of focus on those new beginnings that come after an 1）exit， and I think most of us don’t take a look at how things end， and…and we think a lot about why it ends， and you just kind of want to 2）get through it.

Sarah Lawrence-Lightfoot （Sociologist）： Yes， you know， because we don’t pay attention to how we leave， which I think is so important to then how we compose the next chapter of our life. You know， these are…are connected in our developmental journeys， and they’re very， very important to our life stories.

Gene： And why do you suppose it is？ Is it just， duh， you’re optimistic about what’s going to come next， and so you focus on the beginning， or because saying goodbye is so painful， whether it’s a death in the family or whether it’s the loss of a job or， or the loss of something， there’s that negative energy？

Sarah： I think yes. I think that somehow we connect exits with loss， and so it’s very， very hard for us to see negatives， I mean exits as 3）generative， as moments of 4）propulsion， as time for reflection， as time for rest and 5）recuperation， which I think all makes exits possibly very rich moments in our lives. And I think， you know， pushing forward， and I think， with that kind of approach to life， we often neglect what’s important in terms of pulling us back or reviewing where we’ve been， or reflecting on the past， or trying to learn the lessons from what even feels painful in our exits.

I can understand the impulse in all of us to sort of leave things that are painful behind， and not focus on them while we try to get up our 6）gumption to move forward. But I think that in not， kind of， retrieving the lessons from whatever the exit is， we somehow don’t build the next chapter in the richest and most， uh， and the strongest way. And I think that， somehow， the feeling of exits， particularly in this economy， is so scary that we don’t want to look at it， we just want to move forward， somehow desperately move forward. And there are lessons in looking at it， lessons in doing it well， that I think make the next step of beginning easier and more productive.

Gene： Is it that loving part of everything that makes this so difficult， the fact that you realize in…on one hand it’s time to go， on the other hand you realize you love it and how can you leave it？

Sarah： Right. I think that part of what’s so hard is that many of these things， even in a divorce， I mean…

Gene： Um hmm.

Sarah： …obviously you’ve been bound and there’s a kind of a binding that comes through a long love， and a long 7）devotion， a long sense of commitment and loyalty to， to the other person， and even when things get hard or even ugly， there is that peace that remains， and it is hard to leave. With the gentleman that you talked about， who is the CEO of a very major 8）philanthropy， and had loved the work with all of his heart， had been devoted to it， at a certain point realizes that it’s time to go.

That was that moment that we talked about that， sort of， all of a sudden everything came together which made him feel as if there was probably one more chapter of work in his life， and if he didn’t do it now， if he didn’t make the change now， when would he make that change， that this was the 9）opportune moment. And that it is really very， very good to exit when you’re at the top of your game， when you are still loving the thing that you’re doing. There is a kind of propulsion to that as well.

吉恩·珀塞爾（主持人）：就我所知，大多數人在離開時確實只關注接下來的新開始。我想，我們中的大多數人不會回頭看看事情是怎么結束的，而且，我們總是糾結于事情結束的原因，只想盡快熬過這段時間。

薩拉·勞倫斯-萊特富特（社會學家）：是的，你瞧，那是因為我們都對離開的方式不甚在意，但我覺得這對如何開始新生活是非常重要的。你知道，這些……這些東西在我們的成長過程中是彼此相連的，它們是我們人生中非常非常重要的一部分。

吉恩：那你為什么會這么認為呢？這是因為，你對接下來的生活充滿希望，所以你才會關注新的開始？還是說告別這一過程太痛苦，不管是家人的逝世，還是失業，或者失去別的什么，其中蘊含著負能量，所以才這樣？

薩拉：我覺得是的。我想，不知怎的，我們總會將“離開”跟“失去”掛鉤，因此對我們來說，很難把這些負面的東西看成……我的意思是，我們很難看到離開所具有的成長意義，把它看作推動我們前進的契機，看作反思的時刻，看作是一種休整，我覺得這全都使得離開變成了我們一生中特別珍貴的時刻。你知道，一切向前看，我覺得，老以這種態度對待生活的話，我們就會忽略一些重要的東西，而這些東西只有在我們退一步時，回首來處時，回顧往昔時，或者在嘗試從離開的慘痛經歷中吸取教訓時才能得到。