美麗心靈

For several years， Katie Miller， a 27-year-old artist based in Parkton， Maryland， 30 miles north of Baltimore， found inspiration in newborns. She nudged her friends， family， and neighbors to allow her to photograph their tiny babies so she could paint 1）painstakingly detailed portraits of them.

凱蒂·米勒是一名27歲的畫家，家住離美國港口城市巴爾的摩以北30英里（約48.3公里）的馬里蘭州帕克頓鎮。好幾年來，凱蒂一直從新生嬰兒身上汲取創作的靈感。無論是朋友、親戚，還是鄰居，凱蒂都會“纏著”他們，希望能為其小寶寶拍照，以便對照著細致地繪畫出他們的畫像。

在奧斯卡最佳影片《美麗心靈》中，主人公是患有精神分裂癥的數學天才，對數學的執念與愈發嚴重的病癥令其痛苦不已。幸運的是，主人公的妻子在得知丈夫的病情后沒有逃避，而是給予他極致的關懷與支持。最終，主人公戰勝頑疾并獲得諾貝爾經濟學獎。在現實生活中，擁有過人天賦卻伴有精神障礙的“美麗心靈”還有很多，自閉癥患者就是其中之一。但是，自閉癥患者能否像電影中的主人公那么幸運？他們的現實生活又會是怎樣的呢？凱蒂·米勒，一位患上自閉癥的少女，跟我們分享了她的經歷。

That 2）unwavering intensity isn’t just the mark of a 3）die-hard artist. Eight years ago， Miller was diagnosed with autism， the neurological and developmental disorder that affects a person’s ability to socialize and communicate with others. Her marathon painting sessions are just the kind of repetitive behavior typical among many with highfunctioning autism， often classified as Asperger’s syndrome. But what’s most striking about Miller’s autism is that it was even identified at all. Roughly 80 percent of the estimated 1.5 million Americans living with autism are men； because the disorder is so commonly associated with boys， women are 4）notoriously underdiagnosed.

From all outward appearances， Miller looks like a typical 20-something， though it’s not until you step inside her parents’ home， where she lives in a room decorated with bright-blue carpets， an acid-green chair， and a grape-purple couch， that it becomes clear that she harbors an uncommon affinity for eye-popping color. Miller’s astounding draftsmanship， her ability to paint with an almost photographic quality， may be related to her autism. Some experts speculate it may have something to do with the obsessive repetitive behaviors that children with autism develop， as they tend to “practice” their craft more intensely and with greater focus than other children.

Her autism also makes her acutely sensitive to overstimulation， which triggers a reaction called “5）stimming”—rocking back and forth or humming， for example. A loud jukebox， a crowded restaurant， even the pungent odor from a grill， can trigger a meltdown of anxiety， tears， and even vomiting. She braces for the worst-case scenario by lugging around a large pair of 6）Day-Glo headphones—the same bulky， noise-canceling model used by construction workers. Putting them on instantly transports her out of the 7）maddening noise to a place of peace and quiet. Even prolonged eye contact can make Miller uncomfortable. During conversations， she reflexively reaches for a soft， plastic dinosaur in her bag， one of several “stim toys” she keeps in her purse， and squeezes it until she can focus.

This made college—and now the artgallery scene she inhabits—a complicated social labyrinth for her to navigate. Like when a friend walks by and flashes a smile， Miller confesses that she doesn’t always know how to read this generic gesture of goodwill. “I don’t get the difference between a nice expression and a not-nice expression，” she sighs. And despite her all-American good looks，Miller remains single， unable to decode the flirtatious looks and body language that are the 8）preamble to a hookup.

Nonetheless， Miller does maintain a robust social life， having joined the 9）burgeoning network of autism activists. She is an outspoken proponent of the“neurodiversity” movement， which maintains that autism isn’t a disease to be cured but a different way of seeing the world， an alternative form of intelligence. To some， autism is an undesirable glitch in the complicated wiring of the brain； the neurodiversity crowd speculates that， in fact， some of history’s most successful and creative people had autism. （Bill Gates and Albert Einstein are often name-checked， though neither has ever been confirmed to have had it.） As such， the condition should be nurtured， not isolated and treated.

“I don’t have autism—I’m autistic. In the same way you wouldn’t say you have femaleness， you’d say you are a woman，” Miller explains， as she tidies up her parents’ two-car garage， which she converted into a studio. In recent years， she’s moved on from newborns. Her work now features oversized toddlers who look， oddly， at once mature， even strangely 10）alluring， yet young and defenseless. Examining one of her paintings， head tilted to the side， she explains， “I suppose you could say I relate to them a lot.”

然而，這股不可動搖的熱情卻不僅僅源于對藝術的極度執著。八年前，米勒被診斷出患有自閉癥。這是一種由神經及發育障礙造成的社交困難癥。她不間斷的繪畫過程其實是一種重復性行為，亦是高功能自閉癥患者的典型癥狀，這種癥狀被歸類為“阿斯伯格綜合癥”。但最讓人驚訝的是，米勒的自閉癥竟然還能被診斷出來。在美國的150萬自閉癥患者中，大約有百分之八十是男性。因為自閉癥在男性群體中更為常見，所以女性患者很少能被診斷出來，這是出了名的事。

從外表上看，米勒和普通二十多歲的年輕人別無他樣。……