來自星星的你

Have you ever felt like you didn’t fit in？ Like a square peg， trying to fit into the round hole of society？ Like the proverbial black sheep？ If you haven’t， trust me， it’s not a pleasant feeling. It’s like the whole world understands some massive inside joke， and you’re the only one who doesn’t get the punch-line. And the things that seem important to everyone else are so beyond your comfort zone， that you’d rather stay huddled inside， safe from outside stimuli.

In my adolescence I was diagnosed with ADD and Manic Depression. In college， doctors said it was Social Anxiety Disorder. For one reason or another， I always felt misdiagnosed. And a few years ago， I wondered if I actually had Asperger’s Syndrome. My mother， a certified psychotherapist， emailed me a link to an online Asperger’s test. I never took it. It’s still flagged and saved in my inbox. Part of me is afraid what the test will say， but another part still yearns to know…

This month’s features all deal with the Autism spectrum and how it affects different people. My Life as an Earthbound Alien highlights how being diagnosed with Autism doesn’t change your“otherness，” it only confirms it. In A Beautiful Mind， we learn how being autistic isn’t the disadvantage it might seem. How Can People Think Autism Is Menacing？ displays the ignorance and brutality of the masses， who lash out against autistic innocents. And I Was Diagnosed with Autism at 40， documents how a traumatic childhood experience can plant of a seed of fear in your heart that may never stop growing.

In China， children with autism are known as “kids from the stars”. I wonder if this name was self-proclaimed or attached to them by “normal” thinkers. Either way， no matter the star on the autistic spectrum they （or we） happen to hail from， it must be a relief to discover one’s inner truth， both emotionally and physiologically. Which means I should probably get around to taking that test， huh？

你是否曾經覺得自己格格不入？方鑿圓枘般妄圖融入這個圓滑的社會？如同諺語中的“害群之馬”？如果你沒經歷過，那就聽我說吧，這并非一件樂事。這就好像全世界的人都能明白一些信息量巨大的內涵笑話，而你卻是那個唯一少根筋的人。而對于其他每個人而言貌似重要的事情卻令你不適，你寧愿抱成一團，避開外界的喧鬧，以求安全。

青少年時，我被診斷患有注意力不足多動癥及躁郁癥。大學時，醫(yī)生說那是社交焦慮癥。由于某種原因，我總是覺得被誤診了。而且?guī)啄昵埃姨貏e想知道自己是否真的患有阿斯伯格綜合癥。我的母親，一位專業(yè)的精神治療醫(yī)師，電郵給我一個在線阿斯伯格癥測試的鏈接。我一直都沒有做。它仍然被標記著保存在我的收件箱里。我多多少少有點害怕測試結果，但還是有點渴望知道……

本月的主題文章全都涉及自閉癥及其對不同人群的影響。《我的“外星”生活》一文講述了被診斷為自閉癥患者并不會改變其“異類”本性的道理，診斷結果只是將情況證實而已。在《美麗心靈》一文中，我們了解到作為一個自閉癥患者并不像其看起來那么處于劣勢。《自閉有何可懼？》一文展示了那些攻擊無辜自閉癥患者的人的無知和殘忍。而《不惑之年的意外之“禮”》一文則記錄了一段令人不快的童年經歷，其在作者的心底埋下了一顆恐懼的種子，從未停止生長。

在中國，自閉兒童被稱作是“來自星星的孩子”。我想知道這名字是自封的還是“正常”的思想者們賦予他們的。