生存，從未如此美麗

My world collapsed at the age of twelve. My parents separated and it was hard for me. Then I experienced something even harder: losing somebody I loved very much.

In my opinion “cancer” is the worst six-letter word in the whole dictionary. My mom was first1)diagnosed with mouth cancer. She spent Mother’s Day in the hospital that year recovering from major surgery. Then four months later she was diagnosed with lung cancer. I remember the day vividly. When I came home that day from school， my mom’s side of the family was there. They were all crying. My mom said “come and sit by me，” and she started crying too. My heart began to pound really hard and my eyes were full of tears. My mother was too upset to explain and my grandfather told me that she only had a short time to live.

One sunny day， I was called out of school and taken to hospital. When I stepped out of the elevator at the hospital， I took a deep breath. My grandfather came out of my mom’s room and he was crying. I started to shake. He came up to me and said， “She’s gone. She died.” I tried to laugh because I didn’t want it to be true. The pain I felt was like no other. Then everything went so fast that I did not have time to accept the fact that I was left alone. I hated everyone and everything. It overwhelmed me that I was 2)cast away by Fate.

I met a few guys that 3)turned me on to some 4)meth one night. I wasn’t afraid of it because I knew I had nothing to lose. It was a good way to escape pain in life.

However， addiction happened quickly. Within days， all I cared about was more meth. I started shooting meth. I would stay up for days at a time. I quit eating. I was so 5)paranoid that it almost6)incapacitated me. I saw white vans everywhere that I knew were filled with people trying to catch me. I became so 7)delusional and paranoid that I tried to get home. But I could not do it. I needed more drugs. Time went on and my friends started disappearing. I would beg my dad for money for food or medicine to buy meth. Finally one of my friends called my dad to get me home. We got in his car and headed straight home and had I not， I surely would have been dead within weeks. I was8)hospitalized to start taking medicine that would hopefully cure my addiction.

It was so tough that the thought of suicide struck me. I remembered my mom who used to love and encourage me unconditionally， no matter what trouble I had caused. “9)You can rock it，” she used to say when I was depressed and upset. I knew I couldn’t kill myself. I didn’t want to disappoint her. I knew she would be watching me somewhere else. I would not only rely on medicine to help my addiction. I would have to fight my addiction with my mind， too. The desire for survival occurred to me. What I went through next was really painful and horrible. The desire was so strong that I could hardly resist. I 10)fainted several times during the cure. I took medicine to 11)hold my addiction at bay， and the real strength I maintained was that I took action and refused to let addiction ruin my life. I would not want to be defeated by Fate. After being in the treatment center for what seemed like an eternity， I finally got my life back to normal. Of course my life could still be a struggle， but I 12)pulled through it with determination and desire for survival. Everyone had challenges in life and they survived. So would I.

I had plans for myself. I wanted to go back to school and even planned to go to college. I knew my mom would still be proud of me， for I survived after all I had been through. She knew I was a fighter， 13)getting the upper hand at war with Fate. I am glad I made it.

十二歲那年，我的世界坍塌了。父母離異，這對我打擊很大。接著，我還得面對更大的打擊:失去深愛的人。

在我看來，“癌癥”是整本字典中最糟糕的兩個字。我母親最初被診斷患了口腔癌。那年母親節，她是在醫院度過的，做完大手術，在康復中。四個月后，她又被診斷出患了肺癌。我還清晰地記得那天的情景。那天，我從學校回到家，母親那邊的親屬過來了。他們都在哭。母親說:“過來，坐在我旁邊。”然后她也開始哭。我的心開始猛跳，我的眼里滿是淚水。母親傷心得沒法向我解釋，外祖父告訴我，她剩下的日子不多了。

一個陽光燦爛的日子，我被叫出學校并帶到醫院。當我走出醫院里的電梯時，我深吸了一口氣。外祖父走出我母親的房間，他正在哭泣。我開始發抖。他走向我，說道:“她走了。她去世了。”我試圖大笑，因為我不希望那是真的。我感覺到一種前所未有的痛。接下來的一切發生得這么快，我還沒有任何準備就得接受一個事實:我孤身一人了。我討厭所有人和事。我被命運之神拋棄了，這個念頭縈繞在我心頭。

有個晚上，我遇見了一些家伙，他們引起了我對甲安菲他明的興趣。我對它毫無懼色，因為我知道自己沒什么可失去的了。而那不失為一種逃避人生苦楚的好方法。

然而，很快毒癮就形成了。才幾天的功夫，我就變得一心想要更多的甲安菲他明。我開始注射甲安菲他明。我會好幾天都不睡覺。我不吃東西。我疑心妄想嚴重到幾乎喪失任何能力。……