每期一笑

Job Interviewers

At the risk of never being able to find a job again， I expose the types of interviewers from hell I have had the pleasure of encountering.(遇見)。

The Money Minder(守財奴)

The interview is in its third minute. He asks:How much are you asking for??You explain what your last drawn salary is and what your financial obligations(待付款)are.

ow much are you asking for??You clue him in on your worth based on your experience and track record.

ow much are you asking for??You cite a figure.

ou抮e asking for that much? We cannot pay that much.?He offers his hand.

The Ignoramus(不學無術)Irritatus

You sent in your resume(簡歷)six weeks ago. You completed a fivepage application form an hour ago. Then you are asked to explain what position you are interviewing for， what schools you have attended， what jobs you have held and what reasons you have for leaving them.

The Megalomaniac(夸大狂的)

It is not an interview. It is an invitation to permanent(永恒的)psychological（心理上的）damage.

The interviewer rattles（格格響）on about the largeness of the organization ，the profitability of its business， the low turnover rate of its employees， the 30year vision of its board of directors.

If you are fortunate， you are further enlightened upon his personal achievements in the company.

The Panel（考官）

You enter and meet six pairs of eyes， not counting glasses， giving you the mandatory（命令）onceover.

No one introduces him self.

The man in the center launches into a rapidfire series of questions.

You answer.

Two other men nod.

One woman throws in quiet observations.

The Excuse-Me-For-A-Moment Interviewer

He greets you. You sit.

You begin a discussion of your abilities and the company抯 needs.

The phone rings. xcuse me for a moment，e says. A moment works out to two minutes.

You resume your discussion. The phone rings---

The Freudian（佛洛伊德的）Interviewer

Questions are never quite relevant （相關的），but never completely out of context either. He makes you wonder if he knows something you don.

How did you know we are looking for someone?

How do you feel about your last job?

Who or what do you see yourself as ， if you can be someone else?

The Two-Year-Old Interviewer

Every question begins with hy?

hy do you want this jobhy did you resignhy did you do Philosophyhy should we employ youhy do you say that

求職考官

冒著再也找不到工作的危險，我把我謀職時有幸遇見的各種考官披露如下：

守財奴型

面試僅在三分鐘內搞定。

他問：“你開價多少？”

你解釋回答說你一筆提取的薪水是多少，你分期提取的薪水又是多少。

“你開價多少？”

你告訴他你的薪水應根據你的經驗和業績來決定。

“你開價多少？”

你說出了一個數字。

“你要價這么高？我們不可能付那么多。”他伸出手后說。

無知可惱型

六周前你寄上你的簡歷，一個小時前你填完一張5頁紙的申請表。然后，要你去解釋你謀求什么樣的職位，你上過哪些學校，曾做過什么工作，你離職的原因。

妄自尊大型

這不是面試。而是請你來接受心理上的創傷。考官喋喋不休地說公司有多大，企業贏利有多高，雇員調整率有多低，以及董事會擬定的公司三十年的發展遠景計劃等。

如果你幸運的話，你會進一步了解他在公司中的業績。

專門小組型

你進去就遇上6雙眼睛，不包括所帶的眼鏡，一個個接連不斷地向你發號施令。

沒有一個人自我介紹。

坐在中間的考官劈里啪啦向你提出一連串問題。

你回答。

其他的兩位考官點點頭。

一個女考官靜靜觀察著。

勞駕稍等型

他向你打個招呼。你坐在哪兒。

你開始論述你的能力和公司的需要。

電話鈴響了。“勞駕，請稍等”，他說。這一等就磨掉了兩分鐘。

討論繼續。電話鈴響了“勞駕，請稍等”。又磨去兩分鐘。

討論再繼續。電話鈴又響了……

佛洛伊德型

所問問題不僅與求職毫無關系，而且問題之間也沒有任何的關系。他使你明白他知道你不知道的東西。例如：你怎么知道我們要人？

你覺得你先前的工作如何？

如果你是別人的話，你怎么看待你自己？

兩歲小兒型

每個問題都以“為什么”開頭。

“你為什么要這份工作？”

“你為什么辭職？”

“你為什么學哲學？”

“我們為什么要雇用你？”

“你為什么這么說？”