勞動(dòng)話題作文示例解析

楊慶春

[真題呈現(xiàn)]

（2020·重慶A卷）國(guó)家提出了將勞動(dòng)教育（Labor Education）納入中小學(xué)國(guó)家課程的方案。為此，你校校報(bào)英語(yǔ)欄目English World就開(kāi)展勞動(dòng)教育的意義，以及如何在校園內(nèi)開(kāi)展勞動(dòng)教育，發(fā)起征文。請(qǐng)你以“Some Advice on Developing Labor Education in Our School”為題，寫(xiě)一篇短文參賽。

要求：

1.80-120詞，開(kāi)頭已給出，不計(jì)入總詞數(shù);

2.文中不能出現(xiàn)自己真實(shí)的姓名和所在學(xué)校的名稱(chēng)。

參考信息：

1.勞動(dòng)教育的意義（學(xué)習(xí)生活技能、養(yǎng)成良好習(xí)慣）;

2.校內(nèi)勞動(dòng)教育建議（開(kāi)設(shè)種植課、組織做蛋糕比賽等）;

3....

Some Advice on Developing Labor Education in Our School

Its reported that Labor Education will be included in the education of middle schools and primary schools in China.

【試題解讀】本文要求以“Some Advice on Developing Labor Education in Our School”為題寫(xiě)一篇短文，介紹勞動(dòng)教育的意義、反映校內(nèi)勞動(dòng)情況等內(nèi)容。義務(wù)教育階段的培養(yǎng)目標(biāo)是把中學(xué)生培養(yǎng)成德智體美勞全面發(fā)展的社會(huì)主義建設(shè)者和接班人。話題反映了中學(xué)生的學(xué)習(xí)生活實(shí)際，屬于學(xué)校生活范疇。

寫(xiě)作前，要認(rèn)真研讀試題要求和提示信息，尤其要注意標(biāo)題和兩點(diǎn)提示要點(diǎn)內(nèi)容。就本文特點(diǎn)可采用四段式寫(xiě)作方法完成全文。第一段內(nèi)容已給出;第二段從學(xué)習(xí)生活技能、養(yǎng)成良好習(xí)慣等方面講述勞動(dòng)的意義;第三段要對(duì)開(kāi)展勞動(dòng)教育活動(dòng)提出合理建議。例如，開(kāi)設(shè)種植課、組織一些勞動(dòng)技能大賽等。同時(shí)對(duì)第三個(gè)要點(diǎn)的內(nèi)容展開(kāi)合理的想象;第四段表達(dá)自己的見(jiàn)解和主張。

寫(xiě)作時(shí)，首先要合理安排短文內(nèi)容，敘述應(yīng)有層次、條理。其次應(yīng)注意文章的表達(dá)，整體考慮句式的應(yīng)用，先確定主干結(jié)構(gòu)，然后添加修飾成分。為提升作文檔次，可使用一些高級(jí)詞匯、短語(yǔ)以及復(fù)合句、非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞等復(fù)雜結(jié)構(gòu)。同時(shí)要注意語(yǔ)句之間的銜接，要使文章上下連貫，表達(dá)流暢。文中時(shí)態(tài)應(yīng)為一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)，人稱(chēng)主要為第一、第三人稱(chēng)。

[習(xí)作展示]

Some Advice on Developing Labor Education in Our School

Its reported that Labor Education will be included in the education of middle school and primary schools in China.

As for Labour Education， I couldnt agree more①. We can learn some important life skills from labour.

Moreover， we can also form the good habit of working， which are good for us in the future②. At the same time we are supposed to love and respect labour.

To develop Labour Education in our school， Id like to give some advice③. First， our school should offer some labour classes， such as planting， cooking， and so on. Second， our school should hold a competition of making cakes to encourage students to do it well. Third， our school should hold more activities to make students more interesting in labour④. Last but not the least， we need experienced teachers to give us some instructions.

As the saying goes， “There is no gain without labour.”⑤ In my opinion， I love labour very much. And I hope our school will open the course as soon as possible to enrich our school life⑥.

[亮點(diǎn)分析]

①句式表達(dá)簡(jiǎn)潔，As for短語(yǔ)使用恰當(dāng)，句子“I couldnt agree more”新穎獨(dú)特。

②此句為非限制性定語(yǔ)從句，豐富了文章的句式，提高了文章的檔次。

③句式表達(dá)靈活，此句運(yùn)用了非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞短語(yǔ)，并將“To develop Labour Education in our school”移至句首作目的狀語(yǔ)，彰顯了作者語(yǔ)言駕馭的能力。

④句中運(yùn)用“make sb/sth adj”結(jié)構(gòu)作目的狀語(yǔ)，豐富了文章的句式。遺憾的是此句誤用詞語(yǔ)，需要把interesting 改為interested，（be）interested in 是固定搭配，意為“對(duì)……感興趣”。

⑤作者使用了諺語(yǔ)，給文章增彩。

⑥句中使用了短語(yǔ)“in ones opinion”和賓語(yǔ)從句表達(dá)了作者的主張，做到了首尾呼應(yīng)。

[習(xí)作點(diǎn)評(píng)]

本文要點(diǎn)齊全，并結(jié)合要點(diǎn)進(jìn)行了合理的拓展，使得文章的內(nèi)容充實(shí)、豐富。語(yǔ)言使用流暢、地道，長(zhǎng)短句結(jié)合。一些邏輯詞匯的應(yīng)用，使文章內(nèi)容連貫、緊湊，渾然一體。此外，作者使用了moreover， form good habits， encourage， experienced， instructions， as for，be supposed to， such as， in ones opinion， （be） interested in等高級(jí)詞匯，還使用了諺語(yǔ)、非限制性定語(yǔ)從句、賓語(yǔ)從句的復(fù)雜句式，以及不定式短語(yǔ)作狀語(yǔ)等復(fù)雜結(jié)構(gòu)。這些高級(jí)詞匯和復(fù)雜結(jié)構(gòu)的應(yīng)用，彰顯了作者豐厚的語(yǔ)言功底。

[經(jīng)典范文]

Some Advice on Developing Labor Education in Our School

Its reported that Labor Education will be included in the education of middle schools and primary schools in China. I think its important. We can learn some life skills and form good habits. Both will help us a lot in the future.

As for how to run the course in our school， I have some ideas. The school can offer us classes to teach us how to do the cleaning and grow plants. Whats more， the school can set up some clubs， such as cooking club and paper-cutting club...The school can also hold competitions to see who is the best in making cakes. Such activities will make our school more colorful and meaningful.

Im looking forward to taking the course in the new term. I believe I will do well in it.