Ways to Build Character in Children　塑造兒童品格的方法

金伯利·L.基思　王海燕

In some schools， structured character education is a part of the curriculum， right alongside reading， writing， and math. Schools seek to instill the values of integrity， respect， responsibility， fairness， honesty， caring， and citizenship1 in their students to strengthen the social fabric2 of the school and community. But building character for kids cant just happen in the classroom.

The qualities of character develop through an interplay of family， school， and community influences and the childs individual temperament， experiences， and choices. Parents have many opportunities and tools to build their childrens character. Using them will give you the joy and satisfaction of seeing your kids grow into people of integrity and compassion.

Be a role model

Parents who exhibit the qualities of good character powerfully transmit their values to their children. Model the choices and actions that are essential to being a person of good character. If you are honest， trustworthy， fair， compassionate， respectful， and involved in the greater good of your family and community， your children will see this in your everyday actions and choices. They will also see that this behavior brings a sense of joy， satisfaction， and peace to their family.

Empathy is a first step towards moral development. Empathy in the parent-child relationship allows us to teach all of the other character values to our children. When your children feel that you understand and care about them deeply， they have the intrinsic motivation to learn the lessons of love and character you share.

Use teachable moments to build character

Children also need to learn that when they violate your familys guiding ethics， you will implement consequences with fairness and dignity. Effective discipline strategies help you use teachable moments to build character. Always take the opportunity to explain why your childs behavior is wrong when you correct him. Make a habit of identifying in your own mind the value you wish to teach the child based on the particular behavior. Choose a consequence that is appropriate to teach that value.

One natural consequence that you can use is to make amends. For example， dishonesty is best resolved when you confess and are held accountable. Sometimes an apology to the person wronged is enough; other times you must take action to right the wrong （say， returning a “borrowed” toy to a friend or sibling）. Brief， but direct instruction about why you have a family rule and the underlying value you hold helps children learn from consequences and discipline： “In this family， we believe in honesty. Was it honest of you to take Sams car and pretend you didnt？ What should you do to make it right？”

Tell stories from literature and life

Parents and teachers used stories to teach moral lessons long before books were even invented. As you tell the stories of your life and the world around you， you convey lessons in values and ethics to your children. And as you discuss the stories you see around you （on TV， in books， in the media）， you reinforce your values. Childrens literature abounds with great books that illustrate important values， as in this list from the American Academy of Pediatrics3.

When you listen and respond to your childrens stories about school and peers， you can help them think through the right thing to do. Be mindful of your children listening to the stories you tell other adults. These anecdotes show your kids how your values guide all aspects of your life.

Provide opportunities to practice

Kids must practice what they learn before it comes naturally to them. This applies in learning character， too. Children can learn vicariously4 when they see character-building in action and learn directly when they hear lessons in values. But they need hands-on experience to know the true meaning of character.

When your child has the opportunity to make a decision （say， having to choose between two friends）， help her take ethical action and see the positive results in her daily life. You can also find ways to be involved in social and community action accessible to your children.

在一些學(xué)校，系統(tǒng)的品格教育是課程設(shè)置的一部分，與閱讀、寫作和數(shù)學(xué)課同時(shí)進(jìn)行。這些學(xué)校努力培養(yǎng)正直、尊重、負(fù)責(zé)、公正、誠實(shí)、關(guān)愛以及公民權(quán)責(zé)意識等價(jià)值觀，使學(xué)校和社區(qū)的社會結(jié)構(gòu)更加穩(wěn)固。但是，孩子的品格塑造不能只局限在教室里。

品格特質(zhì)是通過家庭、學(xué)校和社區(qū)的影響與孩子自身的性情、經(jīng)歷和選擇之間共同作用而養(yǎng)成的。父母有許多機(jī)會和方法來塑造孩子的品格。如果充分利用這些機(jī)會和方法，你會看到孩子成長為誠實(shí)正直和富有同情心的人，并由此感到快樂和滿足。

以身示范

父母展現(xiàn)出優(yōu)良品質(zhì)會有力地將其價(jià)值觀傳遞給孩子，因此要為孩子樹立榜樣，做出體現(xiàn)高尚品格的選擇和行動。如果你誠實(shí)、可靠、公正、有同情心、尊重他人并為家庭和社區(qū)多謀福利，孩子會在你每天的行動和選擇中看到這些品質(zhì)，也會看到這樣的行為給家庭帶來快樂、滿足與和諧。

同理心是道德培養(yǎng)的第一步。親子之間若能感同身受，父母的其他品格價(jià)值觀就能傳給孩子。當(dāng)孩子感受到你深深的理解和關(guān)愛時(shí)，內(nèi)心就有動力學(xué)習(xí)你講的愛和品格。

利用可教時(shí)刻來塑造品格

孩子也需要知道，當(dāng)他們違反家訓(xùn)時(shí)，你將公平而鄭重地讓其承受后果。行之有效的管教策略便于你利用可教時(shí)刻來塑造品格。糾正孩子行為時(shí)，要抓住機(jī)會及時(shí)說明他的行為錯在哪里。要養(yǎng)成習(xí)慣在內(nèi)心預(yù)先明確，針對具體行為想教給孩子什么價(jià)值觀。然后選擇一個適宜的后果讓孩子承受，從而培養(yǎng)這個價(jià)值觀。

一個可以選用的自然后果是彌補(bǔ)錯誤。例如，要求認(rèn)錯并追究責(zé)任是管教不誠實(shí)行為的最佳辦法。有時(shí)候向?qū)Ψ降狼妇妥銐蛄?但有時(shí)候必須采取行動糾正錯誤（如要求孩子將他“借來”的玩具物歸原主）。要簡潔而直接地告訴孩子，你為什么制定家庭準(zhǔn)則，其中蘊(yùn)含你的什么價(jià)值觀，這有助于孩子從其所承受的后果和管教中汲取教訓(xùn)：“在這個家里，我們相信誠實(shí)。你拿了塞姆的小汽車，卻假裝沒拿，這樣做誠實(shí)嗎？你應(yīng)該怎樣糾正錯誤？”

給孩子講文學(xué)作品和現(xiàn)實(shí)生活中的故事

遠(yuǎn)在書籍發(fā)明之前，家長和老師就通過講故事來進(jìn)行品德教育了。當(dāng)你講述你的生活和周圍世界里發(fā)生的故事時(shí)，就在將價(jià)值觀和倫理道德傳給孩子。當(dāng)你討論自己從電視、書籍和媒體看到的故事時(shí)，就在強(qiáng)化你的價(jià)值觀。正如美國兒科學(xué)會列舉的書單所示，兒童文學(xué)中有許多生動展現(xiàn)重要價(jià)值觀的好作品。

你在傾聽孩子講述學(xué)校和同伴的故事并作出回應(yīng)時(shí)，可以幫助他們仔細(xì)思考應(yīng)該做什么。你跟其他成年人聊起趣聞軼事時(shí)，要注意孩子也在聽你說話，你說的這些向孩子展示了你的價(jià)值觀是如何指導(dǎo)你各方面生活的。

提供實(shí)踐的機(jī)會

孩子學(xué)的東西必須經(jīng)過實(shí)踐才能成自然，品格學(xué)習(xí)也不例外。孩子目睹塑造品格的行動時(shí)，是間接學(xué)習(xí);聽價(jià)值觀的教導(dǎo)時(shí)，是直接學(xué)習(xí)。但他們需要親身體驗(yàn)，才能知道品格的真正含義。

當(dāng)孩子有機(jī)會做決定時(shí)（如不得不在兩個朋友之間做出取舍），你要幫助孩子做出合乎道德的行動并在日常生活中看到積極的結(jié)果。你也可以尋找各種方式參與孩子能接觸到的社會和社區(qū)行動。

（譯者單位：北京第二外國語學(xué)院）

1 citizenship公民的職責(zé)與權(quán)利。此處指學(xué)校所培養(yǎng)的一系列價(jià)值觀之一，所以譯為公民職權(quán)意識。? 2 social fabric社會結(jié)構(gòu)。文中主要指學(xué)校和當(dāng)?shù)厣鐓^(qū)中的各種關(guān)系或紐帶。一般而言，社會結(jié)構(gòu)由人口的貧富程度、種族構(gòu)成、受教育程度、就業(yè)率、價(jià)值觀等因素組成。鑒于意譯難以涵蓋其含義，在此作直譯。

3一家兒童健康權(quán)威機(jī)構(gòu)。

4 vicarious間接感受到的。