戴上耳機=別來煩我

鹿尤 黃湘淇

The New Do Not Disturb Sign

—Headphone Tactic1

1910年，當一個叫Nathaniel Baldwin的美國人發明耳機時，他萬萬沒有想到，這種接聽工具不僅成了人手一副的必備品，更成了我們不想被人打擾時最愛用的小道具。我們恨不得在耳機的左右印上“肅靜”和“勿擾”的字樣，才能讓那些不明就里的人搞清楚這是種“禮貌”的屏蔽。我們一邊躲在耳機營造的自我空間里，一邊悄悄地竊聽周遭的風吹草動，真是一邊掩耳，一邊盜鈴。

When we wear headphones， it is a signal to everyone that were shut off， unavailable and， much like napping adults，2 absolutely not to be bothered. Our ear shields are barriers against barbaric city attacks like catcalls， construction or unwanted conversation from a co-worker who has， like， a super quick question “if you just have two seconds”.3

Were commuting， running errands and running departments under the polite assumption that no one knows our secret：4 the headphones are on， but nothings playing. Bye bye， “This American Life”. The podcasts and the music have died， and thisll be the day that we acknowledge the lie.5

Basheer Bergus， a 28-year-old associate director at a digital marketing firm in New York，6 said he “definitely” uses headphones at work without any sound coming through. Like most of us， he uses them as a privacy screen7. And if he sees someone whom he wants nothing to do with， he throws on his huge wireless Sennheiser cans—a sign that says “silence， please”.8

In a workplace where open floor plans9 are becoming increasingly standard， so is Berguss technique. Long gone are cubicle walls that， at the very least， required a polite knock on the padded Formica.10

Short of building a fort around our desks using empty shipping boxes and half-functioning umbrellas，11 headphones are the only “Do Not Disturb” signs we have left.

Hailey Hayman， a 24-year-old marketing manager at a Brooklyn company that makes sustainable party goods， said she feels “too exposed” when she doesnt wear headphones at the office.12

When she has them on， she feels as if shes “inside a more secluded13 space”， she said.

“I wear headphones so people dont bother me，” said Mary Sollosi， a 25-year-old freelance writer14 based in Los Angeles. And what happens when shes approached by individuals who havent yet got the memo about what headphones really mean？15 “I make a big show of taking out one earbud and asking them to repeat what they said，” she said.16

I hesitated to ask my own co-workers at the website Bustle about the silent armour.17 Rosanne Salvatore sits two feet across from me at work. Could she， a person I communicate with all day， be tuning me out18？ “There are times when I will go hours wearing headphones with no music playing，” she said. “I get a lot of satisfaction when I realise Im doing it， and no one realises Im doing it.”

Kara McGrath， another co-worker， said： “Im only listening to anything about 30 per cent of the total time.” Ouch19， guys.

But I do it， too.

Our collective quest for privacy sometimes reaches comedic levels： Pierce Crosby， 25， once witnessed a man talking into his headphones at a Midtown cafe， despite the disconnected wire dangling below the mans chair.20 “It was quite interesting，” he said， “and I took my time pretending to text while listening in on his conversation.”

If were all pretending to be listening to something and go about performing these small improvisational acts （a dramatic earbud removal here， a “Whats that？ Oh， I didnt hear you” there， complete with near-audible eye roll）， then what is actually going on？21

Our private pretence may actually have positive benefits. “While putting headphones in your ears is not an act of mindfulness itself， putting in headphones is setting the conditions for you to meditate without being disturbed，” said Lodro Rinzler， a co-founder of Mndfl， a meditation studio in New York City.22

For Steve Savage， a musician living in Brooklyn， wearing headphones with nothing playing is an eavesdropping mechanism23. “I think its fun to take advantage of peoples assumption that I cant hear them，” he said.

Amid all of us liars， ignorers and （who knows） maybe even mindful fakers，24 could there still be a person out there who uses headphones for their intended purpose？

Jeremy Smith， 36， a web developer25 living in Brooklyn， said he has never intentionally worn headphones without music or a podcast playing.

“Sounds like a good idea， though，” he said. “Maybe I will start.”

1. tactic： 戰略，策略。

2. signal： 信號；shut off： 使隔離，使孤立； unavailable： 不可得的，沒空的；napping： 正在小睡的。

3. 我們的耳罩是我們的屏障，來隔絕那些肆意入侵的城市噪音，如怪叫、工地噪音，或者來自某個不想搭理的同事的對話，比如有人會問些超短的問題“如果你能有兩秒空閑的話”。shield： 保護物，護罩；barrier： 屏障；barbaric： 肆無忌憚的；catcall： 噓聲，怪叫。

4. commute： 通勤，上下班；run errands： 跑腿，辦事；assumption： 假設 。

5. podcast： 播客；acknowledge： 承認。

6. associate director： 副總監；digital marketing： 數字化營銷。

7. screen： 掩護。

8. throw on： 匆匆帶上；Sennheiser： 森海賽爾，是世界公認領先的耳機制造商之一；cans：〈美俚〉耳機。

9. open floor plan： 開放式隔間設計。

10. cubicle： 小隔間；padded： 裝有填墊材料的；Formica： 福米加家具塑料貼面（商標名稱）。

11. short of： 除……以外；fort： 堡壘；shipping box： 裝運箱；half-functioning： 勉強能用的。

12. Brooklyn： 布魯克林，美國紐約西南部的一個區；sustainable： 可持續的；exposed： 暴露的，這里指沒有個人隱私的。

13. secluded： 隱蔽的。

14. freelance writer： 自由撰稿人。

15. approach： 接近，這里指被打擾； memo： 備忘錄，這里指戴耳機的真正含義。

16. make a big show： 演一出好戲； earbud： 耳塞。

17. hesitate： 猶豫；armour： 盔甲，這里指耳機。

18. tune sb. out： 不理會某人。

19. ouch： 表示煩惱或疼痛時發出的語氣詞，相當于“哎（喲）”。

20. 我們對隱私的共同追求有時達到了搞笑的地步：皮爾斯·克羅斯比，現年25歲，有次看到有人在一家市中心的咖啡廳里對著耳機說話，盡管耳機線都沒插上，還掛在了那人的椅子下面。collective quest： 共同追求；comedic： 喜劇的；Midtown： 市中心區的；disconnected： 未連上的；wire： 耳機線；dangle： 搖晃地懸掛著。

21. 如果我們都假裝聽著什么東西，忙著去演些即興的小戲碼（不是戲劇性地拿掉耳塞，就是說“啥？我剛沒聽到你說話”，還補上個差點翻出聲的白眼），那么這到底是什么情況呢？go about doing sth.： 忙著干某事，著手干某事；improvisational： 即興的； dramatic： 戲劇性的；removal： 移去；near-audible： 幾乎聽得見的；eye roll： 翻白眼。

22.“雖然在耳朵里塞耳機本身不是一種專注之舉，但戴上耳機給你創造了條件，得以不被打擾地去冥想。”羅卓·林茲勒說道，他是位于紐約的一家冥想工作室Mndfl的共同創辦人。mindfulness： 專注力，正念；meditate： 冥想；co-founder： 共同創立者；studio： 工作室。

23. eavesdropp： 偷聽；mechanism： 途徑，技巧。

24. amid： 在其中，在其間；ignorer： 忽視者；mindful： 有意識的，留意的；faker： 偽裝者。

25. web developer： 網頁開發者。