分享真實自我

Pick your favorite movie： The one you tell everyone you like， the movie you put on your OKCupid注1 and Facebook profiles， the movie you talk about on a first date. Now pick the movie you watch over and over， the movie from which you can recite[背誦] every line， your go-to-home-on-a-Saturday-nightand-I-don’t-care movie. Which one is actually your favorite movie？

For me， the first answer would be something like Old School注2 or Shawshank Redemption注3. Something that made me fit in. But what I’d really be thinking was Because I Said So， a flop[失敗] of a romantic comedy starring none other than Diane Keaton注4， who tries to set her daughter up with the right man. It’s that bad. There’s a reason I don’t usually share this publicly[公然地]. And to be honest， I had to go to my Facebook profile to remember what my favorite socially acceptable[可接受的] movies were.

For some of us， the two movies we’d choose may be the same. But for most of us — myself included — they’re different. So what is it about sharing something publicly that’s different than when it’s between me and my close friends？ Sharing information between two people used to be about giving a part of yourself away. Now， I’m wondering if it’s about crafting[精巧地制作] a persona[人格面具].

Growing up， going on sleepovers注5 and playing on the playground， there was this idea of reciprocity[互惠]. A social contract[社會契約] in sharing. You tell me your secret， and I’ll tell you mine. That’s all different in 2015 because we have an audience. Sharing used to be an exchange； now it’s a declaration[宣布].

The Internet is supposed to be a place where everyone can be themselves and find like-minded[志趣相投的] people. But what we’re seeing right now is a faux[虛假的] intimacy[親密]. We think we know people so much better because of the Internet， and the information it puts at our fingertips， but we really know them less. We know only what they put out there about themselves. In 2015， you are what you share.

It takes courage to be genuine[真實的]. And it takes real courage to be genuine on the Internet， where everyone is a critic[批評家]， a cynic[憤世嫉俗的人]， and a comedian. So if you are what you share， do you have the courage to be real？

This matters. There’s something at stake[處于危險中] here. It’s easy not to know people， and to not be known by people on the Internet. Think about the push for using real names as opposed to anonymous[匿名的] avatars[替身] on social networks. It used to be that you would come home from work， sign onto message boards， and be someone else — escape. Now， you have to be yourself everywhere.

Reddit is one of the only places left to be someone else and hide behind a different persona. It’s probably the best community on the Internet. It’s where people talk openly about what matters most to them and aren’t afraid of the consequences[后果] or of how they’ll be perceived[認為]. All hell breaks loose when we find out who people like ViolentAcrez really are. Everything changes when you feel like your personal identity[個人身份] is at stake. We refuse[拒絕] to put our real names on things that matter.

But here’s why we should： The payoff[回報] is so worth it. I’ve met best friends， mentors[導師]， heroes， and future colleagues on social networks like Twitter， where I try to be 100% myself — insecurities[不安全] and all. And believe me， this is hard. It can blow up[爆發] in your face[公開地，咄咄逼人地]. That’s OK. I was being genuine， and I don’t regret it. Trust me， the good of being open and honest about who we are will far outweigh[超過] the bad.

So think about where you can be more real. How can we get rid of this faux intimacy， find ways to express our vulnerabilities[缺陷]， and put ourselves out there even when our names are attached[附加]？

選一部你最喜歡的電影：一部你會告訴每個人你很喜歡的電影，一部你會放在約會網站OKCupid或社交網站“臉譜”檔案里的電影，一部你會在第一次約會時談論的電影。現在選一部你看了一遍又一遍的電影，一部你能復述每句臺詞的電影，一部你“周六回家拿起來就看的”電影。哪一部才是你最喜歡的電影？

對于我來說，第一個問題的答案可能是像《單身男子俱樂部》或《肖申克的救贖》這樣的影片，能讓我合群的影片。但我心里真正想的卻是《老娘說了算》，一部不是別人、而是戴安·基頓主演的票房慘敗的愛情喜劇片，她在片中試圖給她的女兒找到如意郎君。這電影就是這么糟。我通常不在公開場合與人分享它也是有原因的。而且說實話，我不得不去看我的“臉譜”檔案，才能記起在社交場合，我要喜歡哪些電影才能夠被人接受。

對于我們之中的某些人來說，我們要選擇的兩種電影也許是同一部。但是對于我們大多數人來說—包括我自己在內—它們是不同的。那么，公開分享和與親密朋友之間分享某件事物，有什么不同呢？在兩個人之間分享信息通常意味著你也要交出自己的一部分。現在，我在思考這是否同塑造一個人的人格面具有關。……