《每一天》：每一個身體都愛你

每一天，在不同的身體醒來；每一天，過著不同的生活；每一天，愛著同一個女孩。

他/她無名無姓，也無須姓名，只對心愛的女孩有一個名字—A。次日醒來，會在哪里，會是誰，是男是女，或胖或瘦，過怎樣的生活，A無法預知，更無從控制。A給自己定了規矩：不投入、不執著、不干涉。孤獨而平靜的生活看來要永遠地過下去，沒有盡頭。直到第5994天，漂泊的A邂逅了蕾安儂，無可救藥地愛上了那個憂傷而善良的女孩。在那個遠郊沙灘上晚風拂面的黃昏，他們站在時間之外，她被暖橘色的夕陽照耀著。那一刻，A找到了歸屬。為了擺脫寄生的宿命，年少而孤獨的靈魂百轉千回。

《紐約時報》暢銷作家、歐美小文青最愛的作家之一—大衛·李維森向來擅長運用獨特的形式，書寫青春、記憶與愛情?！睹恳惶臁窐嬎记擅睢ⅹ毦咭桓瘢切M載著情感的文字帶著難言的力量，讓你忽略“沒有人會每天早上在不同的身體里醒來”這個簡單的事實，完完全全地沉浸其中，無法自拔。讓我們來到A的第5994天，準備好了嗎？一、二、三，睜眼！

（編者注：譯文參考自四川文藝出版社2013年版。）

day 5994 第5994天

I wake up.

Immediately I have to figure out who I am. It’s not just the body—opening my eyes and discovering whether the skin on my arm is light or dark， whether my hair is long or short， whether I’m fat or thin， boy or girl， scarred[傷痕累累的] or smooth. The body is the easiest thing to adjust to[使適應]， if you’re used to waking up in a new one each morning. It’s the life， the context[背景] of the body， that can be hard to grasp[抓].

Every day I am someone else. I am myself—I know I am myself—but I am also someone else.

It has always been like this.

The information is there. I wake up， open my eyes， understand that it is a new morning， a new place. The biography[傳記] kicks in[開始生效]， a welcome gift from the not-me part of the mind. Today I am Justin. Somehow I know this—my name is Justin—and at the same time I know that I’m not really Justin， I’m only borrowing his life for a day. I look around and know that this is his room. This is his home. The alarm will go off in seven minutes.

I’m never the same person twice， but I’ve certainly been this type before. Clothes everywhere. Far more video games than books. Sleeps in his boxers[拳擊短褲]. From the taste of his mouth， a smoker. But not so addicted[上癮的] that he needs one as soon as he wakes up.

“Good morning， Justin，” I say. Checking out his voice. Low. The voice in my head is always different.

Justin doesn’t take care of himself. His scalp[頭皮] itches[發癢]. His eyes don’t want to open. He hasn’t gotten much sleep.

Already I know I’m not going to like today.

It’s hard being in the body of someone you don’t like， because you still have to respect it. I’ve harmed people’s lives in the past， and I’ve found that every time I slip up[疏忽]， it haunts[使苦惱] me. So I try to be careful.

From what I can tell， every person I inhabit[占據] is the same age as me. I don’t hop[跳躍] from being 16 to being 60. Right now， it’s only 16. I don’t know how this works. Or why. I stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago. I’m never going to figure it out， any more than a normal person will figure out his or her own existence[存在]. After a while， you have to be at peace with the fact that you simply are. There is no way to know why. You can have theories[理論]， but there will never be proof[證據].

The alarm goes off. I reach for a shirt and some jeans， but something lets me see that it’s the same shirt he wore yesterday. I pick a different shirt. I take the clothes with me to the bathroom， dress after showering. His parents are in the kitchen now. They have no idea that anything is different.

Sixteen years is a lot of time to practice. I don’t usually make mistakes. Not anymore.

I read his parents easily： Justin doesn’t talk to them much in the morning， so I don’t have to talk to them. I have grown accustomed to[習慣于] sensing expectation[期望] in others， or the lack of it. I shovel[鏟] down some cereal[麥片]， leave the bowl in the sink[洗滌槽] without washing it， grab[攫取] Justin’s keys and go.

Yesterday I was a girl in a town I’d guess to be two hours away. The day before， I was a boy in a town three hours farther than that. I am already forgetting their details. I have to， or else I will never remember who I really am.

I access[使用] his memory to show me the way to school， which parking space to take， which locker[儲物柜] to go to. The combination[密碼]. The names of the people he knows in the halls. As I take Justin’s books out of his locker， I can feel someone hovering[徘徊] on the periphery[外圍]. I turn， and the girl standing there is transparent[透明的] in her emotions—tentative[躊躇的] and expectant[期待的]， nervous and adoring[愛慕的]. I don’t have to access Justin to know that this is his girlfriend. No one else would have this reaction to him， so unsteady[不穩定的] in his presence[面前]. She’s pretty， but she doesn’t see it. She’s hiding behind her hair， happy to see me and unhappy to see me at the same time.

Her name is Rhiannon. And for a moment—just the slightest beat—I think that， yes， this is the right name for her. I don’t know why. I don’t know her. But it feels right.

This is not Justin’s thought. It’s mine. I try to ignore it. I’m not the person she wants to talk to.

“Hey，” I say， keeping it casual[隨意的].

“Hey，” she murmurs[低語] back.

She’s looking at the floor， at her inked[墨水渲染的]-in Converse. She’s drawn cities there， skylines[地平線] around the soles[鞋底]. Something’s happened between her and Justin， and I don’t know what it is. It’s probably not something that Justin even recognized at the time.

“Are you okay？” I ask.

I see the surprise on her face， even as she tries to cover it. This is not something that Justin normally asks.

And the strange thing is： I want to know the answer. The fact that he wouldn’t care makes me want it more.

“Sure，” she says， not sounding sure at all.

I find it hard to look at her. I know from experience that beneath every peripheral[外表的] girl is a central truth. She’s hiding hers away， but at the same time she wants me to see it. That is， she wants Justin to see it. And it’s there， just out of my reach. A sound waiting to be a word.

She is so lost in her sadness that she has no idea how visible[明顯的] it is. I think I understand her—for a moment， I presume[推測] to understand her—but then， from within this sadness， she surprises me with a brief[簡短的] flash of determination[決心]. Bravery， even.

“Do you still want to get lunch today？” she asks.

The easy thing would be to say no. I often do this： sense the other person’s life drawing me in， and run in the other direction.

But there’s something about her—the cities on her shoes， the flash of bravery， the unnecessary sadness—that makes me want to know what the word will be when it stops being a sound. I have spent years meeting people without ever knowing them， and on this morning， in this place， with this girl， I feel the faintest[微弱的] pull of wanting to know. And in a moment of either weakness or bravery on my own part， I decide to follow it. I decide to find out more.

“Absolutely，” I say. “Lunch would be great.”

She’s relieved[放心的]. Or， at least， as relieved as she’ll allow herself to be， which is a very guarded form of relief. By accessing， I know she and Justin have been together for over a year. That’s as specific[明確的] as it gets. Justin doesn’t remember the exact date.

She reaches out and takes my hand. I am surprised by how good this feels.

The first bell rings.

“I’ll see you later，” I say.

Such a basic promise. But to Rhiannon， it means the world.

我醒了。

我得立刻弄清楚一個問題—我是誰?！?br>