JOKES

A

Teacher：If I laid one egg on this table and two legs in that basket，how many would I have?

Pupil：I don?蒺t think you can do it.

注：lay（laid）①放、擱，②下蛋。

B

Child：Worry，worry！

Mother：What?蒺s worry？

Child：The doctor gave me some medicine and told to take three spoons after each meal.

Mother：So?

Child：We only have two spoons.

C

Silly：Why do you bring a baby turtle（海龜） as a pet（寵物）？

Dilly：Well，they say turtles live for two hundred years，and I wanted to see if it was true.

D

Wife：Why are you wearing two coats to paint the house？

Husband：Because the instructions（說明） on the paint say “Put on two coats for better results（效果）.”

注：coat①外衣，②漆的涂層。put on①穿衣，②涂、刷（油漆）等。

E

Tom：My dog can do arithmetic（算術）.

Harry：How does he do that？

Tom：Like this. This morning I asked him what 2 minus（減） 2 was and he said nothing.

F

Joe：What would you do if you were in a rowboat（劃船） and a big storm came up on one side of the boat？

Jim：Throw out the anchor（拋錨）.

Joe：Suppose（假如） another storm came up on the other side?

Jim：Throw out another anchor.

Joe：And then another one came up behind you?

Jim：Throw out another anchor.

Joe：Where would you get all those anchors?

Jim：Same place you got all those storms.

G

Mother：Stop asking so many questions. Don?蒺t you know that curiosity killed the cat?

Som：Really?What did the cat want to know?

注：Curiosity killed a cat.是諺語，意為“好奇傷身”。

H

Frank：Teacher，I think I should warn（警告） you.

Teacher：What about?

Frank：I don?蒺t mean to scare（嚇唬） you，but Dad said if I don?蒺t get better marks，someone is going to get a spanking（揍屁股）.

I

Traffic cop（警察）：Lady，you were doing 80 miles an hour!

Lady：Isn?蒺t that wonderful!You don?蒺t know I only learned to drive yesterday.

J

Mechanic（機械師）：Lady，I found the trouble with your car. You have a short circuit in the wiring.

Lady：Well，for goodness sake.Will you lengthen（加長） it?

注：short circuit意為“短路”。該女子把它誤解為“線路短了”。

K

Mother：Why is your report card（成績單） always so bad?

Kenny：Mommy，I can?蒺t help it. I don?蒺t sit next to any smart kids.

L

Policeman：You can?蒺t park（停車） by the fireplug（消防龍頭）.

Lady：Why not? The sign says FINE FOR PARKING.

Note：fine①好的，②罰款。

M

Teacher：You?蒺ve all been noisy，so you?蒺ll have to stay after school.

Voice：Give me liberty or give me death.

Teacher：Who said that?

Voice：Patrick Henry.

注：Patrick Henry（1736—1799）美國獨立戰爭時期的人民領袖、著名演說家。他的名言Give me liberty or give me death.意思是“不自由毋寧死”。

N

Mother：What comes after the letter “A”？

Son：All the other letters.

O

Wife：Oh，stop the car quickly!I forgot to trun off the electric iron（電熨斗）.

Husband：That?蒺s all right，dear，nothing will burn. I forgot to turn off the shower（淋浴器）.

P

Ethel：That?蒺s very strange. I notice you have on one green sock and one red sock.

Al：I?蒺ll tell you something even stranger. I?蒺ve got another pair at home just like them!

Q

Father：How did you make out（進展） in school？Did you pass?

Son：No，but I was almost at the top of the list of failures！