《灰姑娘》中的處理人際關系的藝術 The Magic of Relationship Skills

摘 要：穿自己的水晶鞋“灰姑娘”的故事婦孺皆知，本文對法國作家查爾斯#8226;佩羅（Charles Perrault，1697），德國格林兄弟（Jacob et Wilhelm Grimm，1812）以及意大利蒂斯塔#8226;巴西萊1602）三個歐洲版本的灰姑娘故事進行分析比較，將三位“灰姑娘”從如何處理人際關系的角度進行現代解讀，啟發讀者思維。

關鍵詞：灰姑娘，人際關系，社會交往

[中圖分類號]： I253.5 [文獻標識碼]：A [文章編號]：1002-2139(2010)-20-0229-02

The fairytale Cinderella is our favorite. There is a beautiful heroine， called Cinderella， leading a hard life with her stepmother and stepsisters. With the magical help from her Godmother， she goes to a ball， where the Prince Charming falls in love with her. They get married and live happily ever after.

There are three stories written by Charles Perrault， Jakob and Wilhelm Grimm and Giambattista Basile. Their heroines are called Cinderella， Ashputtle and Zezolla. In the following paragraphs， I will show you the differences and similarities among them. They are all beautiful， but do they have merits or defects? Why are they successful? What do they do to their stepsisters when they get married to Princes? These questions exist are relevant to our daily lives when we deal with all kinds of relationships.

1. When you are in a social relationship……

1.1 Who to tell your troubles to.

When you are in trouble， who will you choose to tell? In Grimms’ version， Ashputtle， when treated unfairly， does nothing but cry on her mother’s grave. She only expresses her feelings to her dead mother. While Zezolla， in Basile’s version， unwisely expresses her feelings to her governess. Zezolla complains to her governess about how she hates her stepmother. Her governess then gives Zezolla instructions， killing her step-mother and working on her father to marry the governess herself. Zezolla shows bad judgment in following her governess only to find that her life is totally changed from good to bad after her governess becomes her new step-mother. No one knows the woman has six daughters of her own. She manages to let Zezolla’s father， her husband， ignore his own daughter.

However， in Perrault’s version， when Cinderella is having a bad time， she “bore everything in patience” and doesn’t tell her father because she knows it is useless. When her stepsisters’ taunts her about going to the ball， she knows they are teasing her and choose to tell her godmother how she’s eager to go there. Finally she gets the magical help from her godmother. The key to her success is being selective. She is careful about to whom she reveals her true feelings. She makes a good model for young girls. When you need to share your feelings with others， who will you choose to tell to? Try to be selective and make intelligent decision as she does.

1.2 Being assertive

We all need comfort from our close friends but we also need to take appropriate action to solve problems. We are independent from each other.

In Grimms’ version， when Ashputtle can have whatever she wishes for from the little bird on the hazel tree on her mother’s grave， she still goes to her stepmother to weep and beg to go to the ball. She believes in her stepmother rather than her own ability to take concrete action.

Unlike Ashputtle， Cinderella， in Perrault’s version， shows thinking ability when “her godmother is wondering how she would make a coachman”. She offers the advice that “I will go and see whether there is a rat in the rat-trap， we could make a coachman of him”. She plays an active role， lending a hand to help the situation move on， not sitting back and watching. Shouldn’t we be as assertive as her to act for ourselves?

1.3 Being helpful but not aggressive

It’s good to be helpful， but not in an aggressive way. Zezolla shows us a bad example of aggressiveness. Firstly， she insists on getting her governess opinion of how to make her take place of her step-mother. Then she is determined to carry out her governess’ plan “in every particular”， and goes to extremes by killing her stepmother. Finally， she interferes in her father’s affairs to persuade him to marry the governess when he has no thought of doing so. Not only isn’t she entitled to do this， but she is aggressive rather than helpful.

Although she has strength of purpose which is marvelous for a girl， she goes too far. It’s good to be ready to change the unfavorable situation and take steps persistently until achieving the goal， but do it in a way that does no harm to others.

Later， when Zezolla feels life is harder than ever before， she knows to grasp at the chance when it comes， cleverly making her father keep his promise to go to a cave of the fairies， “beg them to send her some gift”. In this way， she succeeds in getting the magical help from the fairies. When asked by a fairy what she wants， she gets to the point that she “would like sometimes to leave the house without the sisters knowing it”. This time， she changes the situation from unfavorable to satisfactory in a determined way， not aggressive.

2. When you are in a competition

2.1 Making a win-win situation

The key point in managing a competition is to make a win-win situation between you and your rivals. We can have a good idea on how to do after studying the behavior of Cinderella.

In Perrault’s version， when Cinderella’s two stepsisters are busy preparing for the ball， they need to have their hair dressed. “Anyone else would have done their hair in knots for them”， but Cinderella “had a sweet nature， and she finished it perfectly.” She satisfies them by making them more beautiful.

In an unfavorable environment， she protects herself by being valuable to her “enemies”. She makes it a win-win situation， finding out what is easy for her but valuable to them. She exchanges something she doesn’t need for something she needs. The other two heroines are not as good at managing the competition， so their lives at home are much harder than Cinderella’s.

2.2 Being active

Success——is the key ingredient in a competition. Anyone who is in a competition should be active to be a winner. What do three heroines do when they are becoming a winner? One passively waits for the result to come. One avoids facing the result until later when urged by others. One goes to get the answer of being a winner smilingly. You will feel very interested in comparing their different ways and also you can figure out what to do in such situations.

In Grimms’ version， after the king’s son decides:”No girl shall be my wife but the one this golden shoe fits”， he comes to Ashputtle’s house. The sisters are ecstatic， and rush to have a try. Ashputtle knows when the shoe test happens， but she doesn’t appear until they call her to have a try. She knows it is her golden shoe， but she doesn’t stop her sisters when they cut their toe and heel in order to fit the shoe.

In Basile’s version， when the King gives a banquet for all the women in the land in order to have a shoe-test， Zezolla doesn’t go there with her father. At the request of the King， “do not leave behind a single woman， whoever she may be”， on the next day， Zezolla’s father brings her there to find her foot fits the shoe very well. Without doubt， she becomes the queen of the King.

Unlike Ashputtle and Zezolla， Cinderella， in Perrault’s version， goes directly to get her try on the shoe， when the time comes. She says to the gentleman who is trying on the slipper:” Let me see if it would fit me!” And it does. She gets what she deserves naturally and does no harm to anyone.

2.3 What to do when you win

Undoubtedly， “Cinderellas” are all successful. But what you should pay attention to is how they handle their rivals who are defeated. In Grimms’ version， on the day of Ashputtle’s wedding， the doves pluck out the eyes of the two stepsisters. She goes to extreme to punish her rivals in such a cruel way. Life is full of competitions and competitors show up at every stage in your life. Can you stop all your rivals in your life?

In Basile’s version， when Zezolla becomes the queen， the sisters， angry and heartbroken， “crept quietly home to their mother”. She leaves them alone. She pays no attention to them. She completely ignores them. Ignoring your rivals doesn’t mean they don’t exist. If unwisely you do in this way， you will be in danger of a greater attack from them in future. Anger gathers as time goes on and will eventually break out.

Finally， it is quite different in Perrault’s version. When Cinderella’s stepsisters “beg for her forgiveness for all the unkind things which they have done to her”， she accepts their apologies， and invites them to live in the palace. She even arranges good marriages for them. They appreciate her kindness， but we don’t have to follow her way in interfering in other’s lives. However what we can learn from her behavior is to maintain a relationship with rivals when the victory comes to you.

Conclusion

It is difficult to learn what we can do wisely in all kinds of situations， when we should compete and when we should cooperate. But one thing we can be sure is that it’s not an option for us to be passive and simply ask for help from others. Just as Jane Yolen in her article “America’s ‘Cinderella’” points out that we have “the true magic inside us all ——the ability to change our own lives， the ability to control our own destinies”. Remember， no one can develop very far in isolation. We should handle our relationship with our friends， colleagues and acquaintances well enough to make our lives better. We also should learn how to approach conflicts and other stressful dilemmas in a cooperative way. Finally we should remain competitive. It ensures our continued growth and success.