心如靜水，從容生活

How many times have you gotten upset because someone wasn’t doing their job， because your child wasn’t behaving， because your partner or friend wasn’t 1)living up to his or her end of the bargain? How many times have you been irritated when someone didn’t do things the way you’re used to? Or when you’ve planned something carefully and things didn’t go as you’d hoped?

This kind of anger and irritation happens to all of us—it’s part of the human experience.

One thing that irritates me is when people talk during a movie. Or 2)cut me off in traffic. Or don’t wash their dishes after eating. Actually， I have a lot of these little annoyances—don’t we all? And it isn’t always easy to find peace when you’ve become upset or irritated.

Let me 3)let you in on a little secret to finding peace of mind: see the glass as already broken.

See， the cause of our stress， anger and irritation is that things don’t go the way we like， the way we expect them to. Think of how many times this has been true for you.

And so the solution is simple: expect things to go wrong， expect things to be different than we hoped or planned， expect the unexpected to happen. And accept it.

One quick example: on our recent trip to Japan， I told my kids to expect things to go wrong—they always do on a trip. I told them， “See it as part of the adventure.”

And this worked like a charm. When we inevitably took the wrong train on a foreign-language subway system， or when it rained on the day we went to Disney Sea， or when we took three trains and walked 10 blocks only to find the4)National Children’s Castle is closed on Mondays … they said， “It’s part of the adventure!” And it was all OK—we didn’t get too bothered.

So when the nice glass you bought inevitably falls and breaks， someday， you might get upset. But not if you see the glass as already broken， from the day you get it. You know it’ll break someday， so from the beginning， see it as already broken. Be a time-traveler， or someone with time-traveling vision， and see the future of this glass， from this moment until it inevitably breaks. And when it breaks， you won’t be upset or sad—because it was already broken， from the day you got it. And you’ll realize that every moment you have with it is precious.

Expect your child to mess up—all children do. And don’t get so upset when they mess up， when they don’t do what they’re “supposed” to do … because they’re supposed to mess up.

Expect your partner to be less than perfect.

Expect your friend to not show up sometimes.

Expect things to go not according to plan.

Expect people to be rude sometimes.

Expect coworkers not to 5)come through sometimes.

Expect roommates not to wash their dishes or pick up their clothes， sometimes.

Expect the glass to break.

And accept it.

You won’t change these inevitable facts—they will happen， eventually. And if you expect it to happen—even see it as already happening， before it happens—you won’t get so upset.

You won’t overreact. You’ll respond appropriately， but not overreact. You can talk to the person about their behavior， and ask them kindly to consider your feelings when they do this … but you won’t get overly emotional and 6)blow things out of proportion.

You’ll smile， and think， “I expected that to happen. The glass was already broken. And I accept that.”

You’ll have peace of mind. And that， my friends， is a welcome surprise.

多少次，你因為某人不履行其職責而煩惱，因為孩子不聽話而煩惱，因為伴侶或朋友不遵守諾言而煩惱?又有多少次，你因為某人沒有按你一慣的方式做事而生氣?或是因為周詳計劃卻落得事與愿違的結局而惱怒?

這類氣憤和惱怒發生在我們每個人的生活中——它是人生體驗的一部分。

使我惱怒的事包括有人在我看電影時聊天，有人超我車，有人用餐后不清洗盤子。事實上，我有許多類似的小煩惱——我們每個人都有，不是嗎?而且，每當我們變得心煩意亂或惱怒，總是很難平靜下來。

讓我告訴你一個使自己平靜下來的秘訣:把玻璃杯看作是已經破碎了的。

你瞧，我們之所以感到有壓力，感到氣憤、惱怒都源于事情沒有按我們喜歡的，期望的方式發展。想想有多少次都是因為這樣。

要是這樣，解決辦法就簡單了:料想事情可能會出問題，料想事情可能會不按照我們所希望的或是計劃的方向發展，料想會有意外之事發生。并且學會接受。

舉個簡單的例子:我和孩子們最近去日本旅行時，我讓他們做好心理準備，旅途也許會不太順利——旅途中總會遇到這樣那樣的狀況。我告訴他們:“把遇到的意外狀況看作是冒險的一部分”。

這心態如魔法般奏效。當不可避免的事發生，比如我們在使用外文指示的地鐵系統中坐錯車，或是在我們去迪斯尼海洋樂園的那天下起了雨，或是我們坐了三趟火車，又步行了10個街區，卻發現國立兒童館逢周一閉館……孩子們會說:“這是冒險的一部分!”，而且一切都還好，我們并沒有因為那些事而過于煩惱。