唱給媽媽聽的歌

與至親至愛生死離別之時(shí)，最教人撕心裂肺。一次次閱讀這篇文章，作者憶起在夜里給母親唱歌的那個(gè)溫情片段，讓人感受到回憶的美好之余亦揪心不已。誰不愿相信，有一種愛，至死不渝。

——Lavender

You asked me to sing to you. I complained， “1)Aw， Mom， I’ll wake people up.” Once again， I let my ever-present 2)stage fright come before you. Looking back， it’s hard to believe I was so selfish. But you persisted， and eventually I 3)caved.

I sang our favorites—4)Barbara Streisand， 5)Linda Ronstadt and 6)Bette Midler. My voice was quiet and 7)hushed， 8)commensurate with the dim light in the room. I made sure the sound didn’t penetrate the walls. You listened with your eyes closed， then thanked me and told me how lovely and peaceful it was.

When we brought you home that last week in January， I would sit with you in the evenings. I read to you from 9)The Tragedy of Richard the Third， knowing it was your favorite. Of course， I made sarcastic comments along the way. “Lady Anne was the biggest idiot in the world.” My eyes searched yours for a response， hoping they would open and smile at my 10)glib attempts.

I read you poetry from 11)Robbie Burns and 12)Walt Whitman， and rubbed 13)lotion on your hands. Finally， I worked up the courage to sing to you again. You weren’t able to ask me this time. Grandma peeked through the door and gave us a tearful smile. I stopped. “Keep singing to your mother，” she said. When I finished Dad asked me， “Would you sing at the memorial service?” You were lying right beside me， and suddenly it seemed so 14)perverse to have this conversation in front of you. “I don’t know if I can. I’ll try.” We didn’t speak of it again.

That Saturday， after you were gone， I went home and practiced with a little help from the 15)Absolut bottle. I needed you to hear me one last time， beautiful and unblemished.

And then there I was， standing at the 16)podium. I hadn’t told anyone what was planned in case I 17)chickened out. While the minister told me when to come up during the service， Shirley， who was giving the 18)eulogy asked， “But what if someone stands up before Jennifer?” I shot back， “Well， now—they’ll just have to wait， won’t they?” She laughed， “You are just like your mother.” I smiled and thanked her for the compliment.

My hands shook as I faced the microphone. I spoke a few words to gather my courage and 19)compose myself. Then， very quietly， I sang20)Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

I thought back to when I was a little girl. You would call me on the phone during one of your trips to watch 21)The Wizard of Oz with me on TV. Miles apart and 22)racking up the long distance charges， we would both squeal during the 23)tornado scene. We sang duets， and trios when Ashlea rode in the car with us. It was our song.

I finished the last line， “If happy little 24)bluebirds fly， beyond the rainbow， why oh why can’t I?” Then I whispered， “Mom， you have beautiful wings now. May they take you wherever you want to go...”

At least a hundred people witnessed the most difficult moment of my life， but only one person mattered. Of course I will sing for you， Mom. Feel free to ask me any time.

你讓我唱歌給你聽。我怨叨著:“唉呀，媽，我會(huì)把人家吵醒的。”又一次，我讓自己的慣性怯場(chǎng)占了上風(fēng)，沒答應(yīng)您。回想起來，自己真是自私得難以置信。但你堅(jiān)持要我唱，而我最后也讓步了。

我唱了我們的最愛——芭芭拉·史翠珊、琳 達(dá)·朗絲黛和貝特·邁德爾的歌。我的聲音很輕，和房間里昏暗的燈光相稱。我盡力控制音量，不讓其穿透墻壁。你閉上眼睛傾聽著，然后感謝我，說我的歌聲如此美妙寧靜。

那個(gè)一月里的最后一周，我們把你帶回家。那些晚上，我總會(huì)陪坐在你旁邊。我給你念《理查德三世的悲劇》里的故事，因?yàn)槲抑滥鞘悄愕淖類邸．?dāng)然，我會(huì)邊讀邊作充滿譏諷的評(píng)論。“安妮小姐是世上最傻的傻瓜。”我會(huì)朝你雙眼看過去，尋求回應(yīng)，我希望你會(huì)睜開眼，微笑著對(duì)我那“狡猾的”企圖作出回應(yīng)。

我讀羅比·伯恩斯和沃爾特·惠特曼的詩給你聽，給你的手涂抹潤(rùn)膚露。最后，我鼓起勇氣想再次唱歌給你聽。這次你沒法叫我唱。奶奶瞇著眼睛從門縫往里看，含著淚對(duì)我們微笑。我停了下來。“繼續(xù)唱歌給你媽媽聽。”她說道。當(dāng)我唱完歌，爸爸問我:“你能在追悼?jī)x式上唱歌嗎?”你那時(shí)就躺在我旁邊，在你面前說這樣的話，突然顯得太殘忍了。“我不知道我能否做到。我盡量吧。”我們沒再提起這件事。……