花園里的獨角獸

詹姆斯·瑟伯著

張靜吉 譯

作家簡介：詹姆斯·瑟伯（James Thurber,1894-1961）美國俄亥俄州人，大學畢業后，當過記者、編輯，晚年執教于耶魯大學。他被認為是繼馬克·吐溫之后美國最偉大的幽默作家，同時也是一位備受尊敬的藝術家和動畫片畫家。代表作有《當代寓言集》《當代寓言續集》。他塑造的大眼狗，掠奪成性的女人，膽小怕事的男人，使他成為美國最受人熱愛的幽默作家之一。

Once upon a sunny morning,a man who sat at his breakfast looked up from his scrambled eggs to see a white unicorn with a golden horn quietly cropping the roses in the garden. The man went up to the bedroom where his wife was still asleep and woke her. “There is a unicorn in the garden,”he said. “Eating roses.” She opened one unfriendly eye and looked at him. “The unicorn is a mythical beast.” she said,and turned her back on him. The man walked slowly downstairs and out into the garden again. The unicorn was still there;he was now browsing among the tulips. “Here,unicorn,” said the man and pulled up a lily and gave it to him. The unicorn ate it gravely. With a high heart,because there was a unicorn in his garden,the man went upstairs and roused his wife again. “The unicorn,”he said,“ate a lily.” His wife sat up in bed and looked at him coldly. “You are a booby,”she said,“and I am going to have you put in the booby?鄄hatch.” The man,who had never liked the words “booby” and “booby?鄄hatch”,and who liked them even less on a shining morning when there was a unicorn in the garden, thought for a moment. “Well see about that,”he said. He walked over to the door. “He has a golden horn in the middle of his forehead,”he told her. Then he went back to the garden to watch the unicorn but the unicorn had gone away. The man sat down among the roses and went to sleep.

As soon as the husband had gone out of the house,the wife got up and dressed as fast as she could. She was very excited and there was a gloat in her eye. She telephoned the police and she telephoned a psychiatrist;she told them to hurry to her house and bring a straightjacket. When the police and the psychiatrist arrived,they sat down in chairs and looked at her,with great interest. “My husband,”she said,“saw a unicorn this morning.” The police looked at the psychiatrist and the psychiatrist looked at the police. “He told me it ate a lily,”she said. The psychiatrist looked at the police and the police looked at the psychiatrist. “He told me it had a golden horn in the middle of its forehead,”she said. At a solemn signal from the psychiatrist,the police leaped from their chairs and seized the wife. They had a hard time subduing her,for she put up a terrific struggle,but they finally subdued her. Just as they got her into the straightjacket, the husband came back into the house.

“Did you tell your wife you saw a unicorn?”asked the police. “Of course not,”said the husband. “The unicorn is a mythical beast.”“Thats all we wanted to know,”said the psychiatrist. “Take her away. Im sorry,sir,but your wife is as crazy as a jaybird.” So they took her away cursing and screaming, and shut her up in an institution. And the husband lived happily ever after.

Moral:Dont count your boobies until they are hatched.

從前，在一個陽光明媚的早晨，一個男人正坐在角落里吃早餐。他從他面前的炒雞蛋上抬起頭時，剛好看見一只雪白的長著金角的獨角獸正在安靜地啃食花園中的玫瑰。于是這人跑到樓上，吵醒了此刻還在臥室里睡覺的妻子。“有只獨角獸在花園里，”他說道。“正在啃食玫瑰花呢。”她只睜開一只冷漠的眼，盯著他。“獨角獸是神話中才有的動物。”她說，接著便翻過身不理他。這人慢慢走下樓梯，進了花園。獨角獸還在那兒；它現在在悠閑地吃郁金香。“過來，獨角獸，”這人喚道，同時拔起一株百合花，遞給了它。獨角獸端莊而緩慢地吃掉了它。這人情緒激動，因為竟會有一只獨角獸在他的花園里，他跑上樓，再次喚醒了他的妻子。“那只獨角獸，”他說道，“吃了一朵百合花。”他的妻子從床上坐起來，冷冷地看著他。“你真是一個瘋子，”她說，“我要叫人把你關進精神病院。”這人一點都不喜歡“瘋子”和“精神病院”之類的話，尤其是在一個陽光明媚而花園里又有一只獨角獸的情況下，他對這種話的厭惡就更強烈了。他略一思索。“好吧，我們走著瞧，”他說著走向門邊。“他的額頭中央還長著一只金角。”他又補充道。然后他回到花園去看獨角獸；但是獨角獸已經不見了。這人在玫瑰叢中坐下來，很快就睡著了。

一等她的丈夫走出屋子，妻子就即刻起床并火速穿戴起來。她非常興奮，眼中凈是幸災樂禍的神情。她先后給警察和精神病醫生打了電話，請他們趕快到她家并且帶上一件（給瘋子穿的）拘束衣。警察和精神病醫生趕到了，他們在椅子上坐下來后，便帶著極大的興趣看著她。“我的丈夫，”她開始說了，“在花園里看見了一只獨角獸。”警察和精神病醫生互看了一眼。“他告訴我它吃了一朵百合花，”她繼續說道。精神病醫生和警察又互看了一眼。“他還告訴我它的額頭中央長著一只金角。”她最后說道。精神病醫生嚴肅地給警察發了個信號，警察便立刻從椅子上跳起來，抓住了這人的妻子。制服她讓他們費了好大勁，因為她拼命掙扎，不過他們最終還是讓她屈服了。就在他們要給她套上拘束衣的時候，她的丈夫回來了。

“你告訴過你的妻子你看見了一只獨角獸嗎？”警察問道。“當然沒有，”丈夫答道。“獨角獸可是神話中才有的動物。”“那正是我想知道的，”精神病醫生說。“把她帶走。我很抱歉，先生，您的妻子瘋狂得就像一只松鴉。”就這樣，他們在她的詛咒聲和尖叫聲中帶走了她，把她關進了精神病院。而她的丈夫從此就過著幸福快樂的生活。

寓意：在你把一個人關進精神病院之前，千萬不要叫他瘋子。