概要寫作及習(xí)作點評

◎施勤敏 浙江省德清高級中學(xué)

英語寫作

概要寫作及習(xí)作點評

◎施勤敏 浙江省德清高級中學(xué)

特約主持：趙伐

題型分析

概要寫作是一種要求學(xué)生在讀懂文章的基礎(chǔ)上用自己的語言歸納出文章主旨大意的書面表達(dá)形式，涉及“閱讀+寫作”兩種技能的運(yùn)用，因此對學(xué)生的閱讀理解、概括歸納和書面表達(dá)等能力都提出了很高要求。浙江省新高考英語試題這一題型要求考生將350詞的英語原文縮略成60詞左右的概要，雖然寫作的詞數(shù)較150詞的續(xù)寫少許多，但難度并不亞于續(xù)寫題型。考生要在概要寫作中取得較理想的分?jǐn)?shù)，必須做到以下幾點：第一，需要通過閱讀，準(zhǔn)確把握不同體裁文章的主旨大意；第二，需要把握文章的內(nèi)部邏輯關(guān)系，區(qū)分主要觀點和用以支撐的細(xì)節(jié)信息；第三，需要用自己的語言，精準(zhǔn)、連貫地寫出主旨大意。

學(xué)生習(xí)作分析

1 .題目要求

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容寫一篇60詞左右的內(nèi)容概要：

Cyberspace(網(wǎng)絡(luò)空間)has given rise to a new social change where people make friends from across the world,but know little about their next-door neighbors.This worries critics(批評家).

Take Bob for example.He thinks his neighbor doesn’t know anything about gardening,but his instant messaging friend Gr33nThum does.Besides, Gr33nThum doesn’t do that annoying sound when he talks.Those people like Bob have long been criticized for their lack of necessary social skills.Critics think people almost forget how to naturally communicate with their neighbors,creating a social network of strangers.

However,a report entitled“The Strength of Internet Ties”provides a different opinion.Sociologists are suggesting that the Internet helps develop social networks and make use of them when it matters most.

Friends often move.As kids,our friends’parents move away.As adults, we move away to college or for work.Communicative tools have made losing touch the result of laziness,not distance.“The larger and the more diverse（多樣）a person’s network,the more important e-mail is,”argues Jeffrey Boase, who co-authored the report.“You can’t make phone calls or personal visits to all your friends very often,but you can keep in touch with them regularly with the help of the Internet.That turns out to be very important.”

In addition to expanding and strengthening the social ties people keep in the offline world,Internet and e-mail provide a social and informational support group that helps people make difficult decisions and face challenges.“Internet use provides online users a path to resources,such as access to people who may have the right information to help deal with family health problems or find a new job,”says John Horrigan,author of the report.“The Internet creates a new basis for community.Rather than relying on a single community for social support,people often must actively seek out a variety of appropriate people and resources for different situations,”says co-author Barry Wellman.

2.考題分析

原文是一篇層次分明的議論文，由五個段落組成。文章的結(jié)構(gòu)為：引論（第一段），本論（第二段）和論據(jù)（三、四兩段）。但文中有不少長難句，要梳理出每段的要點并用精練的語言加以概括，還是有一定難度的。

命題教師也給出了一個概要的樣本：

Some critics worry that cyberspace will rob the Internet users of necessary social skills.（要點1）However,a report suggests that the Internet can be of benefits to social networks.（要點2）It can serve as a tool to help people stay in regular touch with friends.（要點3）Besides,it supplies people with social and informational resources when they are faced with difficult situations.（要點4）

3.習(xí)作點評

學(xué)生習(xí)作1（得分3分）

Cyberspace has given rise to a new social change where people make friends from across the world,but know little about their next door neighbors. Cyberspace are large and more diverse a person’s network.It has more important e-mail is.So I think cyberspace are very good for our life.（50詞）

點評1

顯而易見，這個考生的英語閱讀能力和寫作能力都是很弱的。文中除照抄原文的第一句話和第一個要點與原文意思接近外，其他沒有點到任何一個要點。第二、三兩句話也是從原文中的句子“‘The larger and the more diverse a person’s network,the more important e-mail is’,argues Jeffrey Boase.”改寫的，且存在語法錯誤。只有最后一個簡短的句子是考生自己的話。根據(jù)評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，這篇概要寫作在原文理解和語言質(zhì)量方面都存在很大問題，且所使用的50個詞中大部分為原文的句子。可見，對于英語基礎(chǔ)差的考生，摘抄拼湊原文的內(nèi)容并不能提高得分，扎扎實實地從閱讀入手，讀懂讀透原文是提高概要寫作能力的第一步。

學(xué)生習(xí)作2（得分7分）

Cyberspace makes a new social change,it has bad hand and great hand. Someone thinks the internet makes people lack of necessary social skills. However,some people think first the internet helps develop social networks. Secondly,the internet makes people more convenient.Finally,the internet creates a new basis for community.Therefore,the internet is fantastic in some hands.In other hands,it maybe bad.（65詞）

點評2

與上一篇習(xí)作比較，這個考生的閱讀理解能力要好一些，基本讀懂了原文，能找到文中的部分要點和一些關(guān)鍵詞，如“l(fā)ack of necessary social skills”“help develop social networks”，并有意識地使用了一些連貫詞，如“However”“secondly”“finally”“therefore”。但顯然，這個考生的詞匯量、語言表達(dá)和概括能力是欠缺的，比如全篇反復(fù)用到的“hand”一詞，雖然可能對高中教學(xué)中經(jīng)常提到的“on one hand”和“on the other hand”有些印象，但文中的運(yùn)用都是錯誤的。第一句“bad hand and great hand”應(yīng)該是“disadvantages and advantages”的意思，最后兩句的“hands”換成“aspects”較好。可見考生詞匯量十分匱乏。雖然考生能找到關(guān)鍵詞“l(fā)ack of necessary social skills”，但其改寫的句子“Someone thinks internet makes people lack of necessary social skills.”不夠地道，用“make”這樣的句式比較生硬，改為“Some people believe internet is the cause of...”或者“result in...”等表達(dá)方式或許更妥。考生在用原文詞匯拼湊要點時，還出現(xiàn)了許多詞匯和語法上的錯誤，影響了意義的表達(dá)。

學(xué)生習(xí)作3（得分13分）

Cyberspace changed our life and we always make friends on the Internet. Some critics worried that we will lose the necessary social skill.However,a report had a different opinion.They thought that we can keep in touch with all your friends regularly on the internet.And it also helps us to deal with difficult challenges.The Internet creates a new basis for community,people can find suitable people and resources.（70詞）

點評3

這篇習(xí)作包含了大部分要點，涵蓋了第一段的引論和第三、四兩段的論據(jù)，但最重要的立論只用了“However,a report had a different opinions”，沒有點明要點。習(xí)作的語言質(zhì)量比上兩篇要好一點，詞匯和句子錯誤不多。但仍可以看出語言運(yùn)用能力和概括能力有待進(jìn)一步提高，比如習(xí)作中第一和第二兩句“Cyberspace changed our life and we always make friends onthe Internet.Some critics worried that we will lose the necessary social skill.”都是對要點一的闡述，不夠精練到位，合成一句“Some critics worry that we will lose the necessary social skill since we always make friends on the internet.”會更好。習(xí)作中很多句子還是對原文的詞塊的簡單重組，行文不夠連貫和緊湊。如“They thought that we can keep in touch with all your friends regularly on the internet.”套用原文詞塊時忘記改變?nèi)朔Q，出現(xiàn)了we和you的混亂，建議改成“Thanks to the internet,we can keep in touch with all our friends regularly.”。“The Internet creates a new basis for community”一句更是完全照搬原文，可以省略。

學(xué)生習(xí)作4（得分18分）

Cyberspace leads to changes of society,which makes critics set out to worry.They hold a belief that nowadays people even lose the ability of natural communicating.Nevertheless,there is a report indicating an opposite view against critics that the Internet contributes to develop social networks.They point out that instead of distance,it is the laziness that result in people’s losing touch.Also,they attach great importance to the Internet in communication. Additionally,the online worlds lay a solid foundation for community,giving people a hand to make decision and face challenges.（94詞）

點評4

這篇習(xí)作較上面三篇顯然要好很多，學(xué)生對原文的理解準(zhǔn)確，四個要點都已覆蓋，且習(xí)作幾乎完全用自己的語言重新組織了幾個要點，行文流暢，詞匯和結(jié)構(gòu)比較豐富，如連貫詞用到了“nevertheless”“also”“additionally”,句子結(jié)構(gòu)運(yùn)用了定語從句（Cyberspace leads to changes of society,which makes critics set out to worry.）、同位語從句（there is a report indicating an opposite view against critics that the Internet contributes to develop social networks.），強(qiáng)調(diào)句（it is the laziness that result in people’s losing touch.），非謂語（giving people a hand to make decision and face challenges.）等復(fù)雜的結(jié)構(gòu)。雖然文中也出現(xiàn)了兩處語言錯誤，如：contributes todevelop social networks（to是介詞，應(yīng)為developing）和it is the laziness that result in people’s losing touch（laziness是單數(shù)，從句謂語應(yīng)改為results in），但都是因為嘗試較復(fù)雜的結(jié)構(gòu)和較高級的詞匯造成的，且不影響意義的表達(dá)。然而這篇習(xí)作最大的問題是概括不夠言簡意賅，語言不夠精練，包含了一些可以省略的細(xì)節(jié)。如第一、二兩句“Cyberspace leads to changes of society,which makes critics set out to worry.They hold a belief that nowadays people even lose the ability of natural communicating.”建議可以提煉成一句“Critics worry that people even lose the ability of natural communication due to the changes of society brought by cyberspace.”。又如習(xí)作中“They point out that instead of distance,it is the laziness that result in people’s losing touch.”這個細(xì)節(jié)可以刪去，直接闡明“the internet helps people stay in regular touch with friends”就可以了。概要寫作的詞數(shù)范圍為40-80，過多或過少都要酌情扣兩分。

學(xué)生習(xí)作5（得分23分）

Critics have long been worried that the Internet may deprive people of necessary social skills,bringing about a great social change.However,a report recently published provided a different opinion.It says that the Internet makes distance no longer a setback for communication and thus expands and strengthens the social ties in the real world.Besides,it is stated that the Internet provides a social and informational support group that helps people make decisions.（74詞）

點評5

這篇習(xí)作在呈現(xiàn)的五篇習(xí)作中顯然是能脫穎而出的，考生不僅對原文理解精準(zhǔn)，而且概括到位，語言精練，行文流暢，體現(xiàn)出較高的英語運(yùn)用能力。全文在原創(chuàng)的情況下沒有出現(xiàn)詞匯或結(jié)構(gòu)錯誤，且自如運(yùn)用高級詞匯和復(fù)雜結(jié)構(gòu)，如篇首“Critics have long been worried that the Internet may deprive people of necessary social skills,bringing about a great social change.”這一句。能在對原文準(zhǔn)確解讀的基礎(chǔ)上，巧妙精練地加以總結(jié)，如對要點三的闡明“It says that the Internet makes distance no longer a setback for communication and thus expands and strengthens the social ties in the real world.”一句。可惜的是，對于要點二，立論的闡明還不夠到位，應(yīng)進(jìn)一步表述a different opinion的內(nèi)容。但瑕不掩瑜，這仍然是一篇佳作。

閱卷有感

以上五篇習(xí)作都來自筆者閱卷時收集的學(xué)生習(xí)作。閱卷中發(fā)現(xiàn)，概要寫作優(yōu)秀的習(xí)作比率不高。英語基礎(chǔ)較好的學(xué)生在考場實戰(zhàn)中難寫出佳作，對于英語基礎(chǔ)弱的考生來說要拿到較好的分?jǐn)?shù)則更是不易。歸根結(jié)底，要提高學(xué)生概要寫作的能力還得從平時的教學(xué)中抓起，針對英語水平不同的學(xué)生，各有重點地進(jìn)行訓(xùn)練。

概要寫作得分10分以下的學(xué)生，基本是由于詞匯量和語言結(jié)構(gòu)知識的欠缺。難以讀懂原文，更談不上有質(zhì)量的語言輸出了。針對這樣的考生，只能從最基礎(chǔ)的詞匯語法抓起，先提高閱讀理解能力，才能邁出概要寫作的第一步。

針對概要寫作得分10～18分的學(xué)生，在平時訓(xùn)練中要提出更高的要求，在讀透原文的基礎(chǔ)上快速把握主旨大意，理清文章脈絡(luò)，分清主次信息，準(zhǔn)確取舍。并且以閱讀帶動寫作，訓(xùn)練用自己的語言流暢連貫地表達(dá)信息。增加輸出詞匯的儲備，鼓勵多運(yùn)用復(fù)雜的語言結(jié)構(gòu)。

概要寫作得分在18分以上的學(xué)生往往已具備較好的語言能力，但仍要堅持對思維能力的訓(xùn)練，更精準(zhǔn)地鎖定要點，加強(qiáng)高級詞匯和語言結(jié)構(gòu)的積累和靈活運(yùn)用，力爭言簡意賅，準(zhǔn)確到位地概括原文。

最后仍要強(qiáng)調(diào)，習(xí)作的顏值一直是不可忽視的一點。端正整潔的書寫是寫作態(tài)度的體現(xiàn)，也是給閱卷教師留下良好初印象的訣竅。

本欄目責(zé)任編輯：陸姹妮