Good Moments Make You Live Longer

By Ilaria D’Adda

I was born in a small city in Italy， and I love everything in my hometown， from food to the small alleys in the city center and people， of course. When you grow up in a small town， you take it for granted that your relatives， your neighbors， your classmates will always be there; their presence is something you can count on. Changing places （city or even country） is not something very common， even if it can happen. Living in Hangzhou taught me one important life lesson： not everybody is here to stay， but everyone can be the person that changes your life. Most of the people I met weren’t settled — they came to Hangzhou to study or work， but eventually had to leave. No matter how short their stay in the city was， they found a place in me and changed me in some way.

I came to Hangzhou as a student and I was put up on the Xixi Campus of Zhejiang University. During my second year there， I met another Italian student， Fulvia. At the time I used to go to the climbing gym next to the campus almost every day; the gym is not there anymore but for us it’s like it is still there. We used to go there together， to climb or just to chat with friends who shared the same passion. The climbing gym was a small cosmos of personalities， a small representation of all possibilities in human life. Super strict， career-oriented and serious trainers but also trainers who were no more than kids and who escaped from their lives in small rural factories and found a new life thanks to climbing. Someone was there just because he lost his track and needed a guide， but ended up becoming a guide himself. I met people with a real passion for that sport and other people just to try something new and keep fit. They became our friends， Chinese and foreigners alike， and most of them are still my friends. Being a foreigner in a country where foreigners are relatively few， it is hard to make friends： sometimes it is simply because we don’t know how and where.

When I came to China in 2013， I made a habit of chatting with strangers like taxi drivers， cleaning ladies and street vendors， happy to know something about them and telling them something about me， but that was never going to develop into real friendships. However， the climbing gym gave me something different. People there had and still have a passion and common goals： they just want to have fun and spend the free time in the same way; most importantly， they don’t see me as a foreigner — they just see me as a friend.

I made these friends when Fulvia also lived in the dorm. We were “the only Italians” and everybody used to ask us about Italian food， as Italians may well know， when abroad we all turn into chefs. We invited friends to the dorm’s kitchen for dinners， the most memorable one of which was for my birthday. I had invited ten people， which expanded to 21， as those invited extended the invitation to others we knew and the result was a super crowded kitchen， heartwarming friends and a cake all over my face.

My friendship with Fulvia wasn’t only about parties and funny moments with climbers. We studied together， and worked together as Italian language teachers later. It will continue even if she leaves China.

I had been in Hangzhou before， only for a few days during the wedding of a friend years before， and to be honest it hadn’t really impressed me at the time. However， after I met my husband in Milan when he was still a student， at his suggestion （for he is from Wenzhou）， I read a lot more about Hangzhou， its natural environment and the vitality of the place， and decided to apply to Zhejiang University for my second master’s degree. Needless to say， I changed my mind and the original impression of the city faded away as I stayed longer in Hangzhou.

At the time we weren’t married and travelled to China separately： I flew to Shanghai and he flew to Wenzhou. For my first Mid-Autumn Festival in China， I went to Wenzhou to stay with his family. And it was such a shock： Wenzhounese wasn’t something new to my ears but at home， in the streets， everywhere， it was the only language （dialect） spoken！ I had no way to communicate， to take part in the conversation — I was so proud of my Mandarin Chinese and had planned to demonstrate it is possible to communicate with foreigners. In Wenzhou people are really warm and polite， but if you cannot understand the dialect， you might get the opposite impression. Over time， I learned to appreciate why the locals are so proud of speaking the dialect; after all， it is an essential part of their inheritance. I began to understand （parts of） the dialect too. Sometimes My mother-in-law is surprised that I can catch what she says （I actually guess） and she is also proud of me for that.

While visiting Wenzhou during holidays was initially both a joy and an adventure， it’s now pure fun. We can go to the countryside and show our daughter another aspect of life， where veggies grow and animals live. She can play without too many toys and see how her grandparents and great-grandfather spend their days. Therefore， I’m quite looking forward to the Chinese New Year， not only because we can rest， but mainly because we can slow down， stop running around in the big city and comparing ourselves to others， and just enjoy the time with the people who we love and who love us. But before that I will need something red， like a bracelet， for it will be the Year of the Tiger in the Chinese zodiac. Although I’m not superstitious but who knows？ Better be prepared， as the Year of the Tiger is my ben ming nian， my zodiac year.

Raising my daughter is quite an experience as well. When she was not two years old， I often faced so many questions from others （almost all grandmothers of children at my daughter’s age） when we went to the park or to the slides. Most of them were just curious： How do foreigners rear their kids？ Why do you raise your daughter by yourselves， without the help of your parents？ Thanks to my daughter， I also met mums and dads that I already consider close friends; we don’t throw parties anymore， but we meet almost every week. We eat together， paly with kids， explore Hangzhou， and exchange ideas on our kids. Coincidentally （or is it？）， I got to know these people at another climbing gym.

Since 2016 I have been running an Italian language center with my husband. The people I’ve met are so many， students， teachers and colleagues alike. The center is small but we like the family-like environment. After all， Italy is one of those countries with the strongest sense of family， exactly like China. Not only the language， we hope the students can also feel the importance of family and get in touch with this part of Italian culture. As any teacher might say， students are the most important library for a teacher， the most important source of knowledge. For instance， from shy students I have learned to respect their character， feel their willingness to study and show more empathy， while searching for proper methods to engage them. I remember a student who for two whole months never spoke in class， never said a word in Italian， but I kept calling on her in every lesson to see if she was ready. After two months she was ready and started to tell stories in Italian. Patience and encouragement paid off. Some students just don’t want to study Italian; for them it’s just a tool to go to Italy and study what they love， be it art， music or fashion. Some others are really good students， studious and curious. With them I’ve realized that a teacher doesn’t really need to know everything， that’s impossible; a teacher just needs to keep the mind open and never lose the curiosity towards the world.

Settling in a foreign country， so far from my hometown， is not easy， but I try to live in the moment and value what I have， especially the people I met and will meet. In Hangzhou I have some of the best memories in my life. I love this city; it’s my second home， or rather the first， since it’s the first place in which I chose to live. It’s where my new life begun.