Alvin and the Chipmunks

Translated by Zhu Yaguang

Catskin

Rat A says,“I can’t live a day without eating rat poison.”

Rat B says,“My toes itch if I don’t step on a mouse trap.”

Rat C says,“Did you see my blanket? It’s made of catskin.”

Lion

A rat says happily,“Great! My buddy got married!”

“Who is your buddy?” asked another rat.

“The lion!” replied the first rat.

“Are you crazy? How can a lion be your buddy?”

“No,I’m not.I was a brave lion myself before getting married!” said the rat.

Air Hostess

A middle-aged rat was bereft of his wife,and,as he aged,he married a young bat as his second wife.The old rat was proud of having the young and beautiful wife.Yet,other rats gossiped about it behind his back,“Look at the old codger! Isn’t it too late for him to be a playboy? And he even married a thing with wings.”

When the words reached the rat’s ears,he snorted contemptuously,“What’s wrong with marrying a bat? At least she’s an air hostess!”

吹牛

大老鼠說：“我一天不吃老鼠藥，胃里就難受。”

二老鼠說：“我一會兒不踩老鼠夾，這腳趾頭就癢。”

三老鼠說：“看到我的褥子了嗎，貓皮做的。”

獅子

一只老鼠高興地說：“太好了，我的兄弟結婚了。”

“你的兄弟是誰？”另一只老鼠問道。

“獅子啊！”那只老鼠答道。

“有沒有搞錯，獅子怎么會是你兄弟？”

“你不知道，我沒結婚以前也是一只勇猛的獅子！”那只老鼠說。

空姐

一只老鼠中年喪妻，老年時，娶一只年輕的蝙蝠小姐為妻子。年邁的老鼠守著嬌妻，非常得意。可是，別的老鼠背后議論：“這老家伙，一把年紀還這么花，居然娶一只長翅膀的蝙蝠。”

話傳到年邁的老鼠耳中，它非常不屑地哼了一聲，大聲說：“蝙蝠怎么了？我們家這位，再怎么也是一空姐兒。”

本科生

某大學宿舍經常被老鼠光顧。學校知道后，給學生們分發了老鼠藥，可無一只老鼠中計。

Bachelors

A university dorm was frequently plagued by rats.When the university got the news,they sent out rat poison to the students.Unfortunately,no rats fell for the trap.

The students came up with an idea.They mixed a bag of peanut kernels with the rat poison as the lure.The next day when the students got up,they found that the peanut kernels were gone,but the rat poison was still there.They let out a sigh,and said,“The rats in our dorm must have a bachelor’s degree!”

Wine Contest

An American,a French,and a Chinese were having a house party.Each of them brought a typical wine of their country,and they all claimed that their wine was the strongest.

Then the American proposed,“Let’s swap our drinks to see whose wine is the strongest!”

The French said,“But if we all get drunk,then we won’t know the answer.”

The Chinese came up with an idea,“Why not try them on three rats?”

So they found three rats.The American fed the first rat with a cup of California Whiskey,and the rat whirled around,and fell with a flop.“Nice! Nice!” cheered the crowd.

The French fed the second rat with a cup of Sauvignon Blanc,and the rat also fell after swinging for a little while.“Bravo! Bravo!” complimented the crowd.

The Chinese fed the last rat with a cup of Hengshui Laobaigan Liquor.After finishing the drink,the rat licked its lips,turned around,and staggered back to the rat hole.

While the three were puzzled,the rat came out,holding a cleaver with its claws,and shouted,“Holy Crap! Where is the cat?”

學生們想了個辦法，將一包花生仁和老鼠藥混在一起誘其上當。第二天，他們起床后發現，花生仁一顆不剩，而老鼠藥一顆都沒少，不由得感嘆：大學宿舍里的老鼠也都是本科生！

比酒

美國人、法國人和中國人在一起搞家庭舞會，每人都拿了一瓶自己國家的酒，并且都稱自己國家的酒厲害。

美國人于是提議：“我們換酒喝，看看究竟誰的酒最厲害！”

法國人說：“如果都醉倒了，就說不清楚誰的酒最厲害了。”

中國人出了個主意：“我們用3 只老鼠來試就行了。”

于是，眾人就找來3 只老鼠。美國人首先給第一只老鼠喝了一杯加州威士忌，老鼠打了個圈圈，“撲通”倒地。——厲害，厲害！大家喝彩。

法國人接著給第二只老鼠喝了一杯巴黎干白。老鼠晃了晃，也倒了。——霸道，霸道！眾人齊贊。

中國人給最后一只老鼠喝了一杯衡水老白干。老鼠喝完咂咂嘴兒，一轉身鉆回洞里。

3 人正驚愕間，忽見那只老鼠手提一把菜刀從洞里鉆了出來，大喊一聲：“他媽的，貓在哪兒呢？”