Give Me A Candy

The city's congested roads are crowded with people busy making a living， their figures in mackintoshes of all colors， like chess pieces that can't find their place in the cool rain. On the roofs of the grey buildings， a few stray pigeons stand， their hearts full of worries， made heavier by the rain！

（Journal）“November 11， 2025. If the world is blurry and hazy in the eyes of someone with myopia， then the world is black and white in my eyes. I'm just an observer of the world， sometimes I don't feel like a human， but I have to play the role of being one.”

My name is Harmon， I'm a common senior in high school， and tomorrow is my 18th birthday. Not long ago， I took an online psychological test and the counselor said I was suffering from mild depression with anxiety disorder. I've been using this diary for almost a year， the title page is a little discolored.

（Journal）“November 12， 2025. As I expected， no one remembered my birthday. It seems like I've only spoken to a total of two people today. One was when my math teacher asked me to hand in the missing assignment， the other was when my mother asked me at dinner if I had ever thought about going to which college. To be honest， it's been a long time since I've really felt the love of my parents. I dont remember much， but all I remember is that my dad bought me a big cake for my 15th birthday and I wished for being happy everyday.”

In fact， I am not uninterested in anything. Whenever I feel like I can't hold myself up anymore， I paint， and it's the only time I feel like I'm alive. No one knew the secret， Mom and Dad told me not to do anything that doesnt make sense.

（Journal）“November 20， 2025. There's a new English teacher in my class. Her name is Emily. It seems that she is very energetic. By the way， she caught me staring out of the window after class， then she came towards me and gave me a candy， saying ‘have a good day.”

The insomnia seems to have worsened recently. The online counselor said that this is a symptom of depression and told me to go to the hospital for treatment as soon as possible. Of course， my parents don't know that. When my mum wakes me up in the morning I'm actually already awake， or even not asleep at all， but I pretend I've just woken up. Oh， god！ Who can help me？

（Journal）“November 30， 2025. My mind wandered in class today. I watched Emily and painted a portrait for her. Several times， our eyes collided. After class， she called me to the office and asked me to show her what I drew. I lowered my head in embarrassment and handed it to her tremblingly. We were silent for a long time， suddenly she patted me on the shoulder，‘It's so good！ Can you give it to me？”

With her encouragement， I began to paint figures， landscapes， everything in the world passionately. She supported me to take the art exam and collected a lot of information from art universities， "It would be a regret for a talented child like you not to become a painter."

（Journal）“December 12， 2025. Today I took heart of grace to talk to my mother about my plan to go to the Academy of Fine Arts through the art exam. Of course， she did not agree. I don't even believe in such a unrealistic dream. This night， I lost sleep again.”

After that day， I deliberately avoided talking to Emily， and several times she mentioned the art exam， I was also prevaricated over. I want to escape this world， the world that makes me unhappy.

“Wait Harmon！” She tugs at my sleeves，“Just one minute.”

“I know a lot of us are going through a very difficult time， we say something frustrating， but we still work hard. Its ok to show your vulnerability， but deep down in your heart， you know you wanna be better. Dont forget to encourage yourself！”

That conversation is a real wake-up call. And I am given the strength and courage to do so from nowhere. I do not lose sleep that night.

Since then， I began to study as hard as I could. Occasionally， in my leisure time， I would draw a few pictures. I stopped falling into depression so often. As usual， Emily always communicated with me， which made me wonder if she was my psychiatrist or my English teacher.

（Journal）“January 1， 2026. A new year is coming. As for high school seniors， today is no different than any other day. The approaching date of the college entrance exams is overwhelming for everyone. I， on the other hand， am extremely excited and determined on the first day of the new year. I think I have found what Im going to do.”

“Happy New Year， Harmon.”

“You too， Miss Emily. I want to tell you that I'm not preparing for the art exam. I love to draw and I find myself in it. But now， theres a more important mission for me to accomplish.

“Darling， Im proud of you. So， can I ask what mission？”

“You will know.”

In this era， everyone is chasing fame， fortune and success. But perhaps even my parents are always neglecting my inner feelings and forgetting to share their love to me. Fortunately， there is a kind teacher， who soothes my fragile and sensitive heart with a sweet “candy”.

（Journal）“January 5， 2026. I want to be a teacher like you and help children who have lost themselves in dilemma to find their way forward. I will give everyone a sweet candy， and tell them， in fact， they are deeply loved.”

The rain goes as quickly as it comes. Suddenly， the earth seems to be coated with a layer of golden light， and a dreamy rainbow appears in the sky. The breeze blows gently on my face， in such a scene， I close my eyes and forget all my worries.

作者簡介

劉菁（2000.03—），女，回族，云南省昆明人，本科，學生。