一個路癡的“找路”人生

祝莉麗

When I was six， I went to first grade in a little red schoolhouse that I thought of as "real school". And sometimes， I actually got to "go" there.

The little red schoolhouse was three blocks from where I lived， and sometimes I could talk—okay， beg—my mom into letting me walk to school. At these times， I'd proudly set out2） with my backpack and velcro shoes3） with R and L on the heels on a journey that would put Alexander the Great to shame4）.

I had exactly fourteen landmarks between my house and school. Some of the most interesting were The Nice Lady's House across the street， the Turn in the Sidewalk （which in high school I learned you could call a "street corner" without being arrested by the Spatial Grammar Police） and The Very Naughty Word in the Sidewalk.

It was two words， actually， and it was my favorite landmark of all. First of all， it was "words5）". I'd been reading for three years by then， and I had no problem knowing what it said—though I was in junior high before I knew what it meant. But， more than that， it was the last part， my last landmark， before I made it to school.

Sometimes I didn't make it to school. I would blank out6）， my mind going wherever it chooses to go when I'm finding my way somewhere， and I'd feel like I'd wander out too far into the ocean. Then I'd hear my name.

"Tera，" my mom would say. "Need a lift？"

I couldn't believe my luck. Here was my mom， passing by at the exact moment I'd lost my tenuous7） grip on spatial relations. （I wouldn't call it "getting lost"—most of the time I was going the right way： I just didn't know it）. So I'd hop into the car， not knowing until my later teens that Mom followed me to school whenever I went just in case something like this would happen， and all the hard work would be done for the day. For the most part.

I'm fairly atypical8） for someone with a learning disability in that9）， with the exception of math， academics were my"thing". The first day of first grade， I had intoxicating10） visions of writing reports on books fatter than War and Peace， and was heartily disappointed when our first assignment was to color pictures. Three years later， my social studies group nearly had me burned at the stake11） for wanting to write a report about the Omaha tribe12） when they wanted to make a diorama13）. （As far as I was concerned， dioramas were stupid—and evil）. We compromised： they made their diorama， and I happily wrote a report long enough for three people.endprint

Still， when it came to recess， I would have rather made dioramas. I had friends （my NLD， as far as I know， doesn't really affect my social skills）， but I could never find them on the playground. The teachers knew me well—and eventually had this to say to me：

"You're old enough to find Sheila [or Wes， or Rachel， or Lizzie] yourself."

Luckily， my friends were smarter than most adults that knew me and figured out how to wait for me outside my classroom for lunch and recess. I was assigned a "buddy" to walk with me to and from the higher reading class， and one to take me to the Resource Room. （I went to a Catholic grade school， and one unfortunate byproduct of the separation of church and state was that the special education teacher couldn't be in the school building）.

As I got higher up in education， school got easier and more fun. I haven't been assigned a diorama since junior high and I'm able to choose my own classes and interpret literature or history more than build things and read charts. Now I'm a junior at Agnes Scott College in Decatur， Georgia （it's academically challenging， liberal artsy， and， best of all， small） where I'm majoring in Classics and English/Creative Writing. I don't drive （to the great shock of a girl I knew in high school who said， "But you're one of the smartest people in school！"）， but I enjoy translating and have more Latin， Greek， and ancient history books than is healthy14） for most people. And if you were to ask me who my favorite mythological person is， I'd have to say Odysseus15）. After all， it took him ten years to get home.

六歲的時候，我去一個很小的紅色校舍里上一年級，我覺得那是所“真正的學校”。有時候，我真的不得不“走去”上學。

那個紅色的小校舍和我住的地方隔著三個街區，有時候，我會說服，好吧，是央求媽媽讓我走路去上學。在那些日子，我會驕傲地背著雙肩包出發，腳上穿著一雙魔術貼童鞋，鞋跟上還標記著“左”“右”，就這樣踏上一段讓亞歷山大大帝都會自愧不如的旅程。

在家和學校之間，我有不多不少14個地標。其中最有趣的幾個分別是：街道對面的好心太太家；人行道的拐彎處（在高中我才知道你可以叫它“街角”，并且不會因此被“空間語法警察”逮捕）；以及路邊人行道上出現的那個非常不文明的詞語。

實際上，那是兩個單詞，是我最喜歡的地標。首先，那可是“詞語”呀。那時我已經學習閱讀三年了，認出這兩個詞毫不費力——盡管我在上初中后才了解它的意思。但是，更重要的是，那是這段路的最后一截，是我上學路上最后一個地標。

有時候，我沒能走到學校。我的大腦會一片空白，當我在某個地方找路的時候，我的思緒卻隨心所欲地飄蕩，我會覺得自己游蕩得太遠了，到了汪洋大海里。接著，我就會聽到有人叫我。

“特拉，”我的媽媽會說，“需要載你一程嗎？”

我不敢相信自己的運氣竟然這么好。媽媽就在這里，就在我失去對空間關系的微弱把握時，她恰好從這里經過。（我才不會把我的狀況稱為“迷路”呢——多數情況下我都走對了，只是我不知道罷了。）于是我會跳上媽媽的車，然后一天中所有的困難部分就完成了，多數時候都是如此。直到十幾歲時我才知道，媽媽在我每次步行去學校的時候都會跟著我，以防發生類似的事情。

我差不多是一個非典型的學習障礙患者，因為除了數學，學術都是我的“菜”。一年級的第一天，我還興奮地幻想著能為比《戰爭與和平》還要厚的書寫寫讀書報告，所以當得知我們的第一個作業是給圖片涂色時，我打心眼兒里感到失望。三年以后，我的社會學習小組差點兒嚴厲地懲罰我，因為我想寫一個有關奧馬哈部落的報告，而他們想做一個立體模型。（在我看來，立體模型又愚蠢又討厭。）我們各讓了一步：他們做他們的立體模型，我開心地寫了一份報告，字數足夠三個人的作業要求。endprint

不過，課間休息時，我卻寧愿去做立體模型也不想出去。我有朋友（據我所知，我的非語言學習障礙并不會真的影響我的社交技巧），但我在操場上從來找不到他們。老師們非常了解我，最后他們對我說：

“你都這么大了，可以自己去找希拉（或韋斯，或蕾切爾，或莉齊）了。”

幸運的是，我的朋友們比多數認識我的成年人都要聰明，他們弄明白了要怎么在教室外面等著我一起去吃午飯或度過課間休息時間。我被分配了一位“哥們兒”，他和我一起走去上高級閱讀課，下課后一起回來。還有一個哥們兒會帶我去資源教室。（我上的是一所天主教小學，政教分離造成了一個令人遺憾的后果，那就是特殊教育課的老師不能進教會學校的教學樓。）

隨著年級的增長，上學變得更容易也更有趣了。自初中起，老師就再沒給我留過立體模型的作業，而我也可以自己選課，自己闡釋文學或歷史，而不是建構東西或去看圖表。現在，我是位于喬治亞州迪凱特的阿格尼斯斯科特學院大三的學生了（這所學院極具學術挑戰性，充滿自由主義藝術氛圍，而且最棒的是，它很小）。我在這里主修古典文學和英語/創意寫作。我不開車（我在高中認識的一個女孩對此感到震驚，她說：“你可是學校里最聰明的人之一啊！”），但是，我享受翻譯，比多數人閱讀更多有關拉丁語、希臘語和古代歷史的書籍。如果你問我最喜歡的神話人物是誰，我一定會說是奧德修斯。畢竟，他用了十年時間才回到家里。

1. 作者是一個非語言學習障礙患者（Nonverbal Learning Disorder，簡稱NLD），這類人群在語言上有優勢，但可能在視覺空間和社交技巧上有障礙。從文中可以看出，作者最大的特點就是找不到路，嚴重到去了操場回頭就找不到教室的地步，同時作者也非常不擅長數學。

2. set out： 動身；出發；啟程

3. velcro shoes： 魔術貼童鞋

4. 由于作者在視覺空間方面的障礙，找起路來對她無比艱難，所以她覺得自己獨自走到學校是一件困難無比但又非常值得驕傲的事情，連亞歷山大大帝本人也會感到羞愧。當然在這里作者只是用了夸張的手法，從中足見作者的幽默。

5. 由于作者是非語言型學習障礙患者，語言對她來說是強項，所以她很喜歡文字。文中加引號是用來表示強調——正因為那是詞語，而非她難以處理的空間之類的東西，所以即使是不文明的詞語，也不妨礙那成為她最喜歡的地標。

6. blank out： （大腦）突然一片空白

7. tenuous [.tenju.s] adj. （聯系）脆弱的；（理由）站不住腳的，牽強的；（地位）不穩固的

8. atypical [.e..t.p.kl] adj. 非典型的

9. in that： 由于

10. intoxicating [.n.t.ks.ke.t..] adj. 令人陶醉的；令人極其興奮的

11. burn （sb.） at the stake： 嚴厲地懲罰某人

12. Omaha tribe： 奧馬哈部落，中西部美國土著

13. diorama [.da...rɑ.m.] n. 立體模型

14. healthy [.helθi] adj. 大量的；可觀的

15. Odysseus： 奧德修斯，希臘神話中的一名英雄，他在特洛伊戰爭中利用木馬計攻陷特洛伊城后，不顧海神波塞冬的咒語起航回家，一路上歷盡劫難，十年之后才回到故鄉。endprint