致我不那么完美的媽媽

Vincent

Dear Mom，

I've seen you around. I've seen you screaming at your kids in public， I've seen you ignoring them at the playground， I've seen you unshowered and wearing last night's pajama pants at preschool drop-off1）.

I've seen you running around with your kids， getting dirty and occasionally swearing2） when you bang a knee. I've seen you wiping your kids' boogers3） with your bare palm， and then smearing4） them on the back of your jeans.

I've also seen you gritting your teeth5） while your kid screamed at you for making him practice piano， or soccer or whatever it was. I've seen you close your eyes and breathe slowly after finding a gallon of milk dumped into your trunk. I've seen you crying into the sink while you desperately scrub crayon off your best designer purse.

I've seen a lot of you， actually.

I see you every single day.

I don't know if you planned to be a parent or not. I don't know if it meets your expectations.

But I know a lot about you.

I know that you didn't get everything that you wanted. I know that you got a wealth of things you never knew you wanted until they were there in front of you. I know that you don't believe that you're doing your best； that you think you can do better. I know you are doing better than you think.

I know that when you look at your child or your children， you see yourself. And I know that you don't， that you see a stranger who can't understand why the small details of childhood that were so important to you are a bother to this small person who resembles you.

I know that you want to throw a lamp at your teenager's head sometimes. I know you want to toss your child out the window once in a while.

I know that some nights， once it's finally quiet， you curl up in bed and cry. I know that sometimes， you don't， even though you wanted to.

I know that some days are so hard that all you want is for them to end， and then at bedtime your children hug you and kiss you and tell you how much they love you and want to be like you， and you wish the day could last forever.

But it never does. The day always ends， and the next day brings new challenges. Fevers， heartbreak， new friends， new pets， new fights. And every day you do what you need to do.

You take care of things， because that's your job. You go to work， or you climb into the garden， or strap the baby to your back and pull out the vacuum cleaner.

I know that you have the words to at least eight different picture books memorized. I've heard that you dance like a wild woman when it's just you and them.

I know you didn't expect most of this. I know you didn't anticipate loving somebody so intensely， or loathing6） your post-baby body so much， or being so tired or being the mom you've turned out to be.

You're not a perfect mom. No matter how you try， no matter what you do. You will never be a perfect mom.

And maybe that haunts7） you. Or maybe you've made peace with it. Or maybe it was never a problem to begin with.

No matter how much you do， there is always more. No matter how little you do， when the day is over， your children are still loved. They still smile at you， believing you have magical powers to fix almost anything. No matter what happened at work， or at school， or in playgroup， you have still done everything in your power to ensure that the next morning will dawn and your children will be as happy， healthy， and wise as could possibly be hoped.

There's an old saying： "There is one perfect child in the world， and every mother has it." Unfortunately， there are no perfect parents. Your kids will grow up determined to be different than you. They will grow up certain that they won't make their kids take piano lessons， or they'll be more lenient8）， or more strict.

No matter how far from perfect you are， you are better than you think. No matter how many doubts you might have， you never need doubt this one thing： You are not perfect.

And that's good. Because really， neither is your child. And that means nobody can care for them the way you can， with the wealth of your understanding and your experience.

And since no mother is perfect， chances are you are caught in a two billion way tie9） for Best Mom in the World.

Congratulations， Best Mom in the World. You're not perfect. You are as good as anybody can get.

With love，

Lea

1. drop-off： 接待處；落腳處

2. swear [swe?（r）] vi. 咒罵；詛咒

3. booger [?bu?ɡ?（r）] n. 鼻屎

4. smear [sm??（r）] vt. 涂抹（黏膩的東西）

5. grit one's teeth： （常指因憤怒而）咬牙切齒

親愛的媽媽，

我見過你。我見過你當眾對你的孩子們大喊大叫，我見過你在操場上對他們置之不理，我見過你沒有洗漱穿著昨晚的睡衣睡褲出現在幼兒園的接待處。

我見過你追著孩子們到處跑，渾身弄得臟兮兮，而且當你撞到膝蓋的時候偶爾還會罵上幾句。我見過你直接用手擦掉孩子們的鼻屎，然后把它們抹到自己的牛仔褲后面。

我還見過你咬牙切齒，當你的孩子因為你逼著他練鋼琴、足球或者無論什么東西而沖你尖叫的時候。我見過你閉上眼睛深呼吸，在你發現車后備箱里被倒入一加侖牛奶的時候。我見過你在水槽邊哭泣，當你絕望地想要擦去你最好的名牌錢包上的蠟筆印的時候。

事實上，我見過你很多樣子。

我每一天都會見到你。

我不知道你此前是否曾做好為人母的準備。我不知道現在這些是否符合你的預期。

但是我非常了解你。

我知道你并沒有得到你曾想要的一切。我知道有很多東西你從未意識到你想要它們，直到它們出現在你面前。我知道你不相信自己在全力以赴，我知道你認為自己可以做得更好。我知道你現在做得要比你想象中的更好。

我知道當你看著你的孩子或是你的孩子們，你看到了自己。我知道你又看不到自己，你看到了一個陌生人，他不理解為什么那些對你來說非常重要的童年的小細節對這個非常像你的小人兒來說卻是一個麻煩。

我知道你有時想朝你那已經十幾歲的孩子頭上扔臺燈。我知道你有時也想把你的孩子扔到窗戶外面去。

我知道有些夜晚，一旦一切終于安靜下來，你會蜷縮在床上哭泣。我也知道有的時候，你又不會那么做，即使你曾想那么做。

我知道有些日子是那么艱難，以至于你只想結束一切，然而等到了上床睡覺的時間你的孩子們擁抱你親吻你并且告訴你他們有多愛你而且想變得和你一樣時，你又希望這一天可以持續到永遠。

但這從未持續到永遠。這一天總會結束，新的一天又帶來新的挑戰。發燒、悲傷、新的朋友、新的寵物、新的爭吵。每一天你都在做你必須做的事。

你打理一切，因為那是你的工作。你去上班，或是翻進花園，或者把寶寶綁在背上然后拽出真空吸塵器干活。

我知道你至少把八本不同繪本上的文字都記在了心里。我聽說當只有你和你的孩子們一起跳舞時，你跳得就像個瘋女人。

我知道這些事你大多都沒有預料到。我知道你沒有預料到會如此強烈地愛某個人，或者如此強烈地厭惡你產后的身體，或者預料到會這么累或者最終會成為現在這樣的母親。

你不是一個完美的母親，無論你如何努力，無論你做什么。你永遠都不會成為一個完美的母親。

或許這使你困擾。或許你平靜地接受了它。又或許它從未成為一個問題。

無論你做再多，都永遠有更多的事情等著你。無論你做再少，當一天結束時，你的孩子們依舊被人深愛。他們依舊向你微笑，相信你擁有擺平幾乎一切的魔力。無論在工作中，在學校里，在早教游戲課發生了什么，你依舊拼盡全力確保下個黎明將會來臨，你的孩子們會像你窮盡想象所能希望的那樣快樂、健康、聰明。

有句老話：“世界上沒有完美的小孩，但是每個媽媽都有一個。”不幸的是，世上沒有完美的父母。你的孩子們將會長大成人，一心想要變得和你不一樣。他們會長大而且確信自己不會強迫他們的孩子上鋼琴課，或者他們將會更寬容，又或者更嚴格。

無論你離完美有多遠，你都比你想象的要好。無論你可能會有多少疑惑，你永遠不需要懷疑這件事：你并不完美。

這很好。因為實際上，你的孩子也不完美。而這意味著沒有人可以像你那樣照顧他們，像你那樣有如此多的理解和經驗。

而且既然沒有一位媽媽是完美的，所以你可以在“世上最好的媽媽”大賽中和兩億媽媽打成平局。

祝賀你，“世上最好的媽媽”。你并不完美。你和任何人能做到的一樣好。

愛你，

莉亞