翻譯擂臺（第11期）

翻譯擂臺（第11期）

【原文】

美德成于心，

誠信見于行，

文明貴于恒。

【點評】

本期原文是一條公益廣告，即以社會公眾利益為目的而設計的一種普及、非營利的廣告，具有效益性、現實性和號召性三大特點。在翻譯上，又可歸為“公示語翻譯”，既有普遍性，又有特殊性。

普遍性，是指其具有一般翻譯的性質；特殊性，則指其特有的言簡意賅，捉人眼球。例如，“熱烈歡迎外國朋友來我校參觀指導！”，許多人會翻譯成“Warmly welcome foreign friends come to our school for inspection!”，實則，可以大大簡化為“Welcome to our school!”或“Our school welcome you!”。而“美食天堂，異彩平添”不必按字面意思譯成“Delicious heaven; Extraordinary splendor in riotous profusion”，而Food Paradise即可解決。至于“生意興隆通四海，財源茂盛達三江”，若譯成“Business is thriving, reaching out to the fi ve continents of the world; Revenues are accruing, fl owing in from the four corners of the earth”，則難以吸引大眾的注意，故不妨精練為“Business booms far and near, pro fi ts net there and here”。

可能因本次原文看似簡單，所以參賽者人數劇增。然而，“言簡意不簡”，許多譯文又過于簡單，且有語法錯誤，典型的，如：①Virtue forms in mind;/Honesty shows in behavior; / Civilization lies in persistence. ②Virtue is established in souls, / Integrity is seen in actions, / Civilization is valued in perseverance.

其中，一些關鍵字眼值得認真推敲。如“成于心”，將“成”譯成form、establish、shape、produce、become等都略顯簡單；這里表述的是一種心智的歷練過程，故不如用nurture、foster、cultivate等。至于“心”，如以往所述，有mind、heart、soul等之分。西方文化里，mind一般代表理智，heart則為多為情感，如英語說：My mind tells me “no”, but my heart tellsme “yes”.（我的理智對我說不，但我的情感卻令我屈從。）希拉里（Hillary）在回憶錄中說，她嫁給克林頓（Clinton）主要是followed her heart but not her mind，言外之意，若依理性而非情感，可能就不會嫁給他了。當然，實際運用中heart亦可包括理性成分，如：①若有人提出批評意見，我會非常在意的。（If someone says something critical I take it to heart.）②他告訴她，自己所做的一切都是為了她好。（He told her that he only had her interests at heart.）所以，heart比mind的涵義更廣。而soul則更多強調“deep feeling or emotion, the spiritual part of a person, believed to exist after death”，不乏宗教色彩，如：He believed his immortal soul was in peril.（他認為他不死的靈魂有墮入地獄的危險。）故應慎用。

“見于行”，將“見”譯成see、exist、show亦略顯膚淺，不如manifest、evidence、reveal等貼切，而“行”又有behavior、action、conduct、deed等選擇。分析起來，①behavior：the reaction of something under speci fi ed circumstances，即具體環境中的行為；②action：something done (usually as opposed to something said)，即主要相對“言”的實際行動；③conduct：manner of acting or conducting yourself, namely a person’s way of behaving (behavioral attributes), the way a person behaves toward other people，即側重于人際關系方面的行為；④deed：a notable achievement，即多為褒義舉動。綜合考慮，似以action為宜。

最后一句中的“文明”，參賽者大都按字面意思譯成了civilization，但其實經不住推敲。該詞的基本涵義為：A society in an advanced state of social development (e.g., with complex legal and political and religious organizations);the fact of becoming or state of being highly developed socially, with a system of government, methods of education etc.即主要是對社會整體進步程度而言的，如：In 20 years they have reached the level of civilization it took our society a century to reach.（他們用二十年達到了我們社會花了一個世紀才達到的文明程度。）而這里指的主要是個人行為。類似的，有的用了culture，其實該詞本質上也是集體行為（all the knowledge, values and customs shared by a society or a group of people in a society）。容易誤譯的，如將一個人的“文化水平”譯成cultural level，實際應為educational background或schooling等。細加分析，這里的“文明”指的是個人素質，于是quality、quality people、good qualities便應進入首選范疇，如：①Quality people are essences in our quest for quality service.（優秀人員是提供高質素服務的先決條件。）②Those are good qualities that we would want in every employee.（這些都是我們想要每位員工都具備的良好素質。）③他有許多好的品質，其中最好的就是善良。（He has many good qualities, but his best quality is his kindness.）有的譯者采用了這樣的句式：

He who has great virtues has rooted his righteous behaviors in his heart deep.

He who is a man of integrity only reveals himself from his acts followed.

He who is a civilized citizen only shines in his persistence in behaviors related.

顯示其閱讀范圍和素養，其思路也值得肯定；不足之處，在于不夠確切和工整，故不妨修改如下：

He who is virtuous has his righteousness rooted in the heart;

He who is honest has his credibility manifested in actions;

He who is civil has his qualityattested in persistence.

就本質而言，“公示語”是一種在公眾場合看的語言，負載著某種社交的特殊使命，因而又要注重通俗、易接受。這就不能不涉及到之前論述過的漢英“意合”與“形合”的特點。簡言之，漢語是“意合”（Paratactic），即句中及句間的語法意義是靠其內在涵義和邏輯關系來表達的（The grammatical relations are conveyed by the connotations and logic contained within or between the sentences），而英語在性質上是一種“形合”（Hypotactic）的語言，即句中及句之間的成分是靠語言形式相連接（The dependent or subordinate construction or relationship of clauses are linked with connectives）。典型的例子，如“早知這樣，我就不來了”，譯為英文則要加上許多“零碎”：If I had known it earlier, I would not have come等。

據此，該三句也可融合為：While virtue is nurtured in the heart, credibility has to be attested by one’s actions, and time ultimately proves good qualities.在許多情況下，同樣可以收到公益廣告的宣傳效果。

（點評人：林巍，暨南大學翻譯學院特聘教授）

【優勝者】

@月之刃 @sunzhengye @benny