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小作者大能量

2016-11-30 09:00:58指導老師謝慧欣
瘋狂英語·初中天地 2016年5期
關鍵詞:結構

指導老師:謝慧欣

小作者大能量

指導老師:謝慧欣

閱讀一篇美文是一種享受,是文字帶給我們的愉悅時光。而書寫一篇美文卻是一個艱辛而偉大的過程。在謝慧欣老師的指導下,來自華南理工大學附屬實驗學校的小作者們也書寫了屬于自己的作品—

A Beautiful Misunderstanding

There are many misunderstandings in our lives. Some make people keep far away from each other;others can show us love and kindness.

One sunny day, the sky was as pure as a sapphire[藍寶石]. I went to a general store to buy plasticine[橡皮泥]with my classmate Nancy, a twelve-year-old girl. We were looking around just like two happy birds. At last, we chose a can of plasticine that cost 22 yuan. Then we went forward to the cashier’s[收銀員].

“Oh no Nancy, it is her!” I murmured[低語]. “Yes, the terrible poker-faced woman!” Nancy answered. The female[女性的]cashier is the boss of this store. We were afraid of her. “22 yuan,” a cool voice came to us. We opened our purses. Unexpectedly, there was just a little small change[零錢]. “Sorry, please wait a second,” I said to the poker face. We felt very anxious and put all money on the ground. “One, two, three…twenty,” we looked at each other in consternation[驚慌失措]. “That is all our money,”Nancy told the poker face awkwardly[難堪地].

To our surprise, she looked at us with the pitying gaze[凝視]as if we were little match girls and told us gently,“Girls, 20 yuan is OK!” Then she gave us the plasticine. We said thanks to her and went to the subway station. When we looked for our metro cards, we were surprised that there were another 30 yuan in the interlayer[夾層]of my purse. I said, “Wow, it is really a misunderstanding!”Nancy said, “Yes, but it is beautiful!”

It was through the beautiful misunderstanding that we found kindness and warmth behind the poker face. And we believed this kind of kindness and warmth will be passed on from hand to hand.

初一(2)班 鄧穎杉

老師點評:文章以第一人稱的角度敘事,語言自然樸素,猶如一股清泉。開頭簡潔自然,結構清晰,結尾點題。語言多利用when和then來進行時間場景的轉換,unexpectedly、to our surprise等詞匯也較為地道地描寫了作者的心理。在一場美麗的誤會中,小作者發掘了人性的美好與溫暖,也是因為這種發掘,美好與溫暖才能夠通過文字傳遞下去。

Everything Is Possible

Everything is possible, I think.

If I have a dream, I won’t give up. I know as long as I try my best to achieve it, I will succeed one day, no matter how hard it is. But if I don’t work hard, even though the dream is very small, it’s impossible to reach.

I do have a dream. My dream is to be a writer. I like writing things, so when I go out, I would bring my notebook. I think with the continuous[持續的]efforts, I will realize my dream one day.

For more than 60 years, most people have considered that there can’t be any snow in Guangzhou. But on 24thJanuary, 2016, when I got up and looked out of the window, something floated[飄?。載own from the sky. I was surprised because I had never seen snow in Guangzhou before. Neither had my parents.

I believe everything is possible from then on.

初一(2)班 王伊陽

老師點評:文章結構清晰明了,描述了對夢想這一話題的個人思考與現實行動。2016年廣州市下的那場雪,也讓小作者再次認同了這一說法:“一切皆有可能。”

My Wishes

I wish I were a bird. Because birds can fly freely and sing happily.

I wish I were a college student. Not only my study but also my ability is excellent, then my mother needn’t worry about me.

I wish I were a teacher. Because a teacher can give her knowledge to students, teach them to sing and dance, and help to carve[開拓]their paths hand in hand.

I wish I were a singer. I’ll use my songs to move everyone. I hope my songs can give them joy.

I wish I were a nurse. Because if I have some common knowledge in nursing, I needn’t worry when my family are in trouble. If anyone is ill, I can take care of him. I can give him an injection[注射]and let him take medicine on time. I hope my patients can get well soon.

I have many wishes, so I must study hard and I hope my wishes will come true.

初一(1)班 洪承燁

老師點評:對于虛擬語氣的運用和掌握是整篇文章最大的亮點,在初稿時就能把時態變化寫對,對于初中生來說是一件很了不起的事!本文前面每段都用了“I wish I were a”這種結構作為開端,讓文章有了詩一般的美感。文章感情真摯,每個期望都蘊藏著歡樂與期盼,而“孝”字也貫穿在字句中,這也是老師最喜歡的地方。

I’ma Writer

History

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