荒野獨行

By+Andrew+B.++范婕

Over 50 miles from the nearest gas station and a five-day paddle from any sort of infrastructure1）， I stepped out of the canoe， waved good-bye to my fellows and entered the unknown. Armed with my pocket knife， a tarp2）， 20 feet of rope， a fishing rod， a Bible， a journal， my sleeping bag， clothes， water， an apple and two granola3） bars， I suddenly realized that for the next 48 hours， these would be my only companions. As I stood on the shoreline， staring into the decomposing4） forest of Northern Quebec， with the sun setting on my back， I was frozen and irritated. Swatting5） at swarms of mosquitoes， I wondered， "Whose idea was this anyway？ What benefit is there to spending two days alone with nothing but trees and bugs？"

Awakening the next morning to a soaked sleeping bag and pummeling6） rain only heightened my discontent， yet it was under these conditions that I was able to clearly examine my life in a way I never had before. As my solo experience took its course7）， the saying "The quieter you become， the more you can hear" took on a whole new meaning.

I had been in the wilderness before； most of my summer had been spent outdoors climbing mountains and growing in a dynamic group. But being here alone， removed from every distraction in such a remote place， had a completely different effect. What started as a seemingly pointless and agitating proposition8） transformed into a beneficial one that I knew I would take full advantage of. So， instead of sitting under the tarp brooding9） about my misfortune and cursing the rain， I made the most of it. Every difficulty that came my way， I took on with impassioned vigor. When it started to rain and I got wet because I hadn't set up my tarp correctly， it was my fault. There was no one else to blame. The realization that I was responsible for controlling all time and action and overcoming all conflict had an immediate effect. Consequently， as I went about my day reading， fishing and writing， I underwent some serious introspection10）. As a result I began to see myself as an individual adept at overcoming challenges of any environment.

As I came to see my own power and potential， I also found myself examining the many relationships and people who have graced11） my life. From family to friends， away from the everyday hustle and bustle12） of life， appraisal13） and investigation of how my actions affected both their lives and mine became increasingly natural.

As the hours wore on14）， my stomach started to growl， and discomfort reached an all-time high. Oddly， though， things became clearer. The adversity had in fact spawned15） a growth process， one that would stick with me and equip me with a new sense of individuality and awareness of my role as a human being. And although I was miserable， hungry and irritated at the time， looking back， I cherish those moments to myself huddled in a soaked sleeping bag in the middle of nowhere.

這里離最近的加油站有50多英里，到達任何一種基礎設施都要劃五天的船，我邁出獨木舟，揮手告別伙伴們，進入了一片未知的世界。我帶有一把折疊小刀、一張防雨布、一根20英尺長的繩子、一根魚竿、一本《圣經》、一個日記本、我的睡袋、幾件衣服、一些水、一個蘋果以及兩條格蘭諾拉燕麥棒。我突然意識到，在接下來的48小時里僅有這些東西與我相伴了。夕陽西下，我站在岸邊，凝望著加拿大魁北克北部地區腐化的樹林，一動不動，心里還有些惱火。我一邊拍打成群的蚊子，一邊想：“這到底是誰出的主意？獨處兩天的時間，身邊只有樹和蟲子，能有什么好處？”

第二天清晨醒來，我的睡袋都濕透了，雨稀里嘩啦下個不停，這些只能令我心中更加不滿。但正是身處這樣的境況，我才得以用前所未有的方式清晰地審視自己的生活。隨著我的荒野獨行自然而然地進行，“內心越安寧，能聽到的東西就越多”這句俗語也有了全新的意義。

我以前也曾在野外待過，夏天的大部分時間都在戶外度過：爬山，和充滿活力的小伙伴們一起長大。而在如此偏遠的地方孤身一人，遠離任何娛樂消遣，卻有著完全不同的作用。開始時覺得貌似毫無意義、令人心煩氣躁的事情轉變成了一件我知道自己會充分利用的事。于是，我不再坐在防雨布下哀嘆霉運，不再因為下雨而罵罵咧咧，反而充分利用這一切。每一個擋在面前的困難，我都活力四射地去面對。下起雨時如果我被淋濕，那是因為自己沒有正確地支好防雨布，這是我的問題，怪不得別人。所有的時間與行動都要由我來掌控，所有的困難也都要由我自己去克服，意識到了這一點就立刻產生了效果。因此，我在這一天讀書、寫作、釣魚時，也在進行認真的反省。結果，我開始覺得自己是一個在任何環境下都擅長克服困難的人。

隨著我漸漸發現自身所具備的力量與潛能，我還不知不覺在審視我和很多人的關系以及為我的生活增色的人們。遠離生活中每天的熙熙攘攘，我評估和探查自己的行為曾怎樣影響過從家人到朋友的生活以及自己的生活，這變得越來越自然。

幾個小時過去了，肚子開始咕咕叫，身體的不適到了前所未有的地步，然而奇怪的是，思維卻變得更加清晰。這次遭遇實際上促成了我的一次成長過程，而這成長過程令我終生難忘，讓我對個體有了新的認識，并且意識到了自己作為人類的角色。盡管那時我痛苦可憐、饑腸轆轆、煩躁不安，但現在回想起來，我珍惜那些蜷縮在一個濕漉漉的睡袋里、周圍了無人煙的時刻。