YOU’VE GOT QUESTIONS, SHE’S GOT ANSWERS

(BUT YOU PROBABLY WON’T LIKE THEM)

YOU’VE GOT QUESTIONS, SHE’S GOT ANSWERS

(BUT YOU PROBABLY WON’T LIKE THEM)

My parents want me to get married, and I’m only 25. I have to go home for Spring Festival. They will keep arguing about it, and they do it every year.

What can I do?

Nagged Nanyi

Twenty-five? The saying goes, 女大不中留 （nǚ dà bù zhòng liú, a grown daughter cannot be kept unmarried for long） but you seem to want to prove it wrong. I was married at your age, admittedly to the worst man ever, but I did my 孝 （xiào, filial） duty and married promptly. It’s not really your fault.

Young boys today wait too long, but I say 花開堪折直需折 （huā kāi kān zhé zhí xū zhé, pick flowers when they should be picked）. But I know you want to hear that it’s okay to wait because marriage is a hassle. Why not? Remember: 婚姻是愛情的墳墓（hūnyīn shì àiqíng de fénmù, matrimony is the death of romance）. Heya, ayi! What’s the deal with the subway? I gotta take Line 1 subway every day from Guomao to Babaoshan. It’s a wreck with all the pushing and shoving. Got any tips?

Peking Peter

There are many options, but we Beijing commuters are a hard people. You can try many things: 臭 （chòu, smell bad）, sing songs, and talk on your phone as loudly as you can, but the Beijing people are 有力的 （yǒulì de, strong）.

You must be cruel, and if you don’t know that you must be 乳臭未干 （rǔxiù wèi gān, smell of milk not dry, wet behind the ears）. If you are travelling at night on the crowded subway, pretend to be a 酒鬼 （jiǔguǐ, drunkard）ready to vomit. That sometimes works. At rush hour,

there is nothing for it; you must simply act as if you have a良心被狗吃了 （liángxīn bèi gǒu chī le, conscience eaten by a dog）. Push, shove, and take no prisoners.

I’m always getting pushed around at work. You seem to have no trouble being mean. What’s your advice?

Mr. Grumps

Mean? Mean you say? How dare you 侮辱 （wǔrǔ, insult） me? I am a 真誠 （zhēnchéng, sincere）, 熱情 （rèqíng, passionate）woman. And, since I am so nice, I will answer your question even though you are 犯賤 （fànjiàn, asking to be disrespected）. First off, you are probably 找扁 （zhǎobiǎn, asking to be kicked） at work. Grow up and start being more brave. If your coworkers do not respect you, start taking them down. As the saying goes, 一將功成萬骨枯 （yí jiàng gōng chéng wàn gǔ kū, thousands of bones become ash for a general to achieve fame）.

Got questions for our Agony Ayi? Send them to agonyayi@theworldofchinese.com

Tourists enjoying giant ice pandas in the snowy Jingyuetan National Forest Park in Changcun, Jilin Province in January?

The man: How long is a million years?

Buddha: To me, it's a minute.

The man: How much is a million RMB?

Buddha: To me, it’s a fen.

The man: Can I borrow a fen?

Buddha: Sure, just wait a minute.

CROSS WORD

ACROSS

1. Slang for a “manly” woman

2. Monet’s favorite flowers

3. Chinese proverb describing something carried out in perfect secrecy, meaning“unknown to god or ghost”

4. To study in a foreign country

5. Name of China’s biggest

online forum

6. University department where Stephen Hawking does his research

DOWN

1. Chinese proverb meaning “a grown daughter cannot be kept unmarried for long”

2. Feeling sleepy in the middle of the day? Have one of these.

7. Chinese motto reminding people that knowledge is as infinite as a boundless sea

8. If it’s not paper, plastic, glass, or tin, throw it away here

9. Tested hypothesis

10. The galaxy in which we all live