校園惡作劇

Kelly： Guess what day it is tomorrow！

Zach： Opening Day around baseball. I’ve been waiting all winter to see Matt Harvey 1）pitch again for the Mets. Kelly： No， I’m not talking about America’s 2）pastime. I mean the world’s prank time！

Zach： Oh， right. It’s that time again， isn’t it？ ①Are you girls gonna be seeking revenge for how bad we got you last year？

Kelly： As a matter of fact， we’ve been planning our revenge since April 2nd last year. And I’m 100% confident that no matter how prepared you guys think you are， when it happens， you won’t know what hit you. Zach： Aww…It’s so cute that you think that. But you do realize that I am the 3）preeminent prank master here at Pennsylvania Polytechnic.

Kelly： I do realize that you think you are The Man when it comes to playing tricks， but your arrogance will be your 4）downfall young Jedi.

Zach： You think you can possibly top the oatmeal lake with a floating canoe in your bathroom？ I will never forget your guys’ faces when that door opened and the opera started playing and the boat came rushing out into the 5）hallway. 6）Priceless.

Kelly： And who can forget the dead fish you hid under our sofa. We didn’t find that thing for weeks.

Zach： You ladies did get us with a couple of small ones， like the 7）lubed up 8）doorknobs， expired milk in the fridge…

Kelly： Yeah， but we were obviously 9）bested by the 10）almighty men of dorm D.

Zach： Well， we studied the best university party movies of all time， like Animal House， Van Wilder， Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. Those 11）flicks have endless material to draw from.

Kelly： Oh， I remember the Van Wilder one. Please don’t use that dog poop prank. It was so disgusting！ I almost threw up when I saw that.

Zach： Yeah. That’s a line even we couldn’t cross， so don’t worry about it. As usual， the pranks will all be in good fun， with nothing too 12）meanspirited.

Kelly： That’s a deal！

Zach： Alright. I’ve gotta go finish up a paper for Hendricks’class tomorrow. ②I’ll see ya bright and early， and let the pranks begin！ Bye！

Kelly： See ya tomorrow！ （quietly） And your head will be a lot chillier， after you use your new shampoo with hair remover mixed in. Take that， you soon-to-be bald April Fool. ③I guess revenge is a dish best served cold…Hwahahahaha.

凱莉：猜猜明天是什么日子！

扎克：棒球賽的開(kāi)幕式。我等了整整一個(gè)冬天就是為了看到馬特·哈維再次為紐約大都會(huì)棒球隊(duì)投球。

凱莉：不，我不是在說(shuō)美國(guó)的消遣節(jié)目。我是說(shuō)全世界的惡作劇時(shí)間。

扎克：噢，沒(méi)錯(cuò)。愚人節(jié)又到了，不是嗎？你們女生打算找機(jī)會(huì)報(bào)復(fù)我們?nèi)ツ陮?duì)你們的使壞嗎？

凱莉：事實(shí)上，我們從去年4月2日以來(lái)一直在籌劃我們的復(fù)仇計(jì)劃。而且無(wú)論你們男生認(rèn)為自己做了多充足的準(zhǔn)備，一旦事情發(fā)生，我百分之百肯定你們不會(huì)知道發(fā)生了什么。

扎克：啊……你那樣想太可愛(ài)了，但你要意識(shí)到我是賓西法尼亞理工學(xué)院最厲害的惡作劇之王。

凱莉：我知道當(dāng)說(shuō)到玩惡作劇，你自認(rèn)為自己是最厲害的，但是你的自大將是你垮臺(tái)的原因，年輕的絕地武士（Jedi是電影《星球大戰(zhàn)》中的虛幻角色）。

扎克：你以為你可能超越那個(gè)在你們的浴室形成的燕麥湖上漂浮著一條小船的惡作劇嗎？當(dāng)浴室門一打開(kāi)，戲劇性的一幕上演了，那條小船沖出了走廊，我永遠(yuǎn)無(wú)法忘記你們臉上的神情。太搞笑了。

凱莉：而且誰(shuí)能忘記你們藏在我們沙發(fā)底下的死魚，我們幾個(gè)星期都沒(méi)發(fā)現(xiàn)。扎克：你們女生也確實(shí)用幾個(gè)小惡作劇捉弄了我們，比如涂滿潤(rùn)滑油的門把手、冰箱里過(guò)期的牛奶……

凱莉：沒(méi)錯(cuò)，但我們明顯被D宿舍的全能男生打敗了。

扎克：嗯，我們研究過(guò)有史以來(lái)最好的大學(xué)群體惡作劇的電影，比如《動(dòng)物屋》、《留級(jí)之王》和《尋堡奇遇》。那些電影有著取之不盡的素材。