我的家暴回憶

Host： Every year in America more than four million women are assaulted by their husbands or their boyfriends. The women who stay in violent relationships applying an extra layer of makeup to 1）camouflage a black eye or cowering every time their partner raises his voice， knowing all too well what might be coming next， a slap across the face， a punch to the gut， another night of hoping that the kids down the hall can’t hear the mommy begging for mercy.

Chances are， when you think of those images， the picture that immediately sprang to mind was not the 2）meticulously dressed professional woman with a Harvard degree and the husband on Wall Street.

Leslie Steiner： If you and I met at one of our children’s birthday parties， in the hallway at work， or at a neighbor’s barbecue， you’d never guess my secret.

Host： That’s Leslie Morgan Steiner. She’s a former Washington Post executive and best-selling author， with degrees from two Ivy League schools. She’s raising three adorable children with a loving and successful husband. Her secret is that she was once married to a man who beat her with abandon on a regular basis.

Leslie Morgan Steiner has written about that painful chapter in her life in a new memoir and she joins us now. Leslie， when you first met Conor， did you have any 3）inkling that he was capable of this kind of abuse？

Steiner： No， not at all. I met him on the New York City subway and he was really clean cut， dressed in a business suit. He looked to me like—kind of like a fresh-faced farm boy.

Host： And you realize you’re smiling right now， when you even talk about that.

Steiner： Yes， even at the memory of it. He was incredibly polite. It happened to be a rainy， kind of snowy night and I looked very 4）bedraggled， so I didn’t look like a glamorous Seventeen magazine editor， and I couldn’t believe he was interested in me. And then he tracked me down at my job a month later and I was so flattered. And I had no idea.

Host： Tell me about that， that first beating.

Steiner： We were living in a small town in New England. My ex-husband had convinced me to leave my job at Seventeen and to leave New York City. In kind of a typical move he had consciously or unconsciously tried to isolate me from my friends and family.

And it was five days before our wedding， and I couldn’t get my computer to work. And I， I think I yelled or I slammed my fist on my desk or something like that， and he heard it. And before I knew it， he had burst into my little office and put his hands around my neck and picked me up and 5）shoved me against the wall repeatedly. And then he threw me down and left the house.

And you know， I should’ve left then， I suppose， but I think that the power of love just overwhelmed my intelligence， and logic and rationality. And I， I stayed with him and he beat me again on the honeymoon.

Host： He beat you twice on the honeymoon. Steiner： And I was driving our car and he punched me once when I got lost， and then we were driving back to our little town in New England and， there was an aggressive driver on the highway who was honking at me and my ex-husband woke up from a nap and got so mad at me that he threw the remains of our McDonald’s lunch at me as I drove.

Host： Earlier in your relationship， Conor would refer to you as “retard.” And it was a word that he used over and over again. You， you write about it lightly， but you repeat it enough to， I guess， signal to this reader that there was something to that.

Steiner： It was a term of 6）endearment， as sad as that sounds. But I think it is one of those red flags that I really missed at the time. We both looked like we had very different childhoods because he came from a very poor family， where he ended up being raised by his grandparents because his stepfather was so abusive， but we both had a lot of sadness in our childhood that， that bound us together.

But he was always really jealous of my educational advantages. And he kind of 7）idolized my advantages and he openly loved the fact that I’d gone to Harvard. But he also humiliated me a lot and I think that calling me retard was part of that dynamic.

Host： Ever confront him about it？

Steiner： No， I never did. And， in， in fact， I still have the， the last note that he ever wrote me. The last time that I ever saw him， I found a note in my mailbox that said， uh， goodbye retard.

Host： Why’d you keep that？

Steiner： You know， I kept a few， kind of， strange 8） mementos. I kept the wedding photo that he broke over my head that last night that we were together. I kept a copy of the restraining order. But I do keep those mementos in a small box in my basement， and in some ways keeping those mementos are just a reminder of how far I’ve come.

Host： Conor is in your past， but are you at all worried that he will read this very unflattering portrait of him and your marriage and decide to react or act out in some way？

Steiner： I think that I would be in denial if I weren’t a little bit afraid.

Host： Did you tell him you were writing this book？

Steiner： No. I have not talked to my ex-husband in， in almost 20 years. But I think it’s a risk that I’m willing to take.

As I tried to 9）grapple with this， I’ve come up with a saying that is， you know， if you can do a good deed， you must. And I feel like this is a good deed I’m doing for myself and for other women and children， all victims of domestic violence.

Host： So what would you say to that person who’s listening to us right now trying to figure out how they， how they deal with an awful situation？

Steiner： Well， my best advice would be to tell somebody， to try to break the isolation. I would also tell any victim that intimate partner violence is a crime. I think if you start to recognize that it is a crime， it takes away the shame. And the last thing I would say is something that I realized during that final beating. I realized that what I was doing was I was trusting another person’s rage.

It was very clear that my husband was a very angry man， and I’d always said to myself， even as he held a gun to my head， that he wasn’t really gonna hurt me. And I realized that you can’t trust somebody else’s rage. You know， really think about that. Can you trust the angriest part of the person you love？ Because they might kill you one day.

主持：每年在美國，有超過400萬女性遭到丈夫或是男友的攻擊。那些處于暴力戀愛關系中的女性會額外施一層粉黛來掩飾腫脹發紫的眼睛，每次當伴侶提高聲調就會畏懼退縮，因為她們十分清楚接下來會發生什么情況：打在臉上的一巴掌，往肚子上的一拳，又一晚希望樓下客廳里的孩子聽不到媽媽乞饒的哭聲。

很可能，當你想到那些形象時，即時涌現你腦海中的畫面不會是一個衣著經過精心搭配的職業女性，而且她還擁有哈佛學位，丈夫在華爾街工作。

萊斯利·斯坦利：要是你和我在對方孩子的生日會、在工作地點的走廊或是在鄰居的燒烤聚會上遇見，你絕不會猜到我的秘密。

主持：那位女士是萊斯利·摩根·斯坦利。她曾是《華盛頓郵報》的高管，也是暢銷作家，擁有兩個常春藤盟校的學位。她和親愛又成功的丈夫共同養育著三名可愛的子女。她的秘密就是她曾嫁過一個經常對她肆意虐打的男人。

萊斯利·摩根·斯坦利將自己人生中痛苦的一章寫成了一部回憶錄，現在她就與我們在一起。萊斯利，當你初遇康納時，你有察覺出他是那種會施暴的人嗎？

斯坦利：沒有，一點也不。我在紐約地鐵與他相遇，他外表非常整潔，穿著一套西裝。他看向我就像是—就像是個一臉稚氣的農家男孩。

主持：現在你是面帶著笑容，盡管談起那段不幸經歷。

斯坦利：是的，就是想起來也會笑。他非常有禮貌。那恰好是個下雨，有點雪的夜晚，而我看上去非常邋遢狼狽，所以并不像是一個迷人的《十七歲》雜志的編輯，我不敢相信他竟然對我感興趣。……