陌生人之所見

I like to have a good plan. I like everything all worked out. Of course， it isn’t always， but I like it better when things are. So when I realized that my wife and I both had meetings on the same night that wouldn’t 1）overlap but would come really close and that the near overlap would happen at dinnertime， I decided to 2）hang out with my five-year-old near my wife’s meeting and then hand her off before mine， just as my wife’s ended. It was one of those moments in 3）scheduling that feels like a really good idea， but you can’t 4）hold onto it too tight because the potential for the whole thing falling apart is too great.

My daughter and I chose to spend our almost-hour together going out for 5）burritos， because it was dinnertime. With a 6）reminder that the restaurant was busy and she needed to be sure to “turn your ears on，” we were in the door. She was out of my sight within minutes， helping herself to a cup of water， so I ordered our dinner to go so we’d have a bag 7）in case we needed a quick escape.

We sat down at the window. We waited for our number to be called. Then we waited some more for our burritos to cool off enough to eat. We played The Restaurant Game. It’s our new favorite. We usually order milk and water and while she closes her eyes， I put the 8）straw in her mouth and she takes a 9）sip to “guess” which one she is drinking. She thinks it’s 10）hilarious. The burrito place serves blue and yellow 11）tortilla chips. Perfect for The Restaurant Game. Blue and yellow tortilla chips taste the same so it’s extra hilarious when I get my guess wrong.

We chatted. We played. We ate dinner. And chatted some more. I didn’t look at my phone. She listened and didn’t argue with me. It was really close to being perfect.

After dinner， the woman next to us turned to me and said， “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to 12）eavesdrop here. But I just have to say that I really love how you and your daughter are 13）interacting. I enjoyed listening to you talk to each other. You’re doing a great job.”

Or something like that. I can’t really remember because I had one of those moments when you sort of can’t hear anything being said because you can’t believe it’s actually happening. Did someone sitting near us at a restaurant actually tell us that we were doing a good job？ She wasn’t trying to correct me？ Or tell my kid to quiet down？ Or judge my 14）parenting in some way？

How does a parent respond to such 15）encouragement？

Has this ever happened to any parent ever？

The woman in the restaurant was right. We were having a good moment. She caught it. And she made sure I saw it. Because she knows that those hard moments are just so hard.

I know that too.

The woman didn’t see me arguing with my daughter for an hour that morning. She didn’t hear the shouting. The 16）disrespect. She wasn’t there when my kid tried to hit the cat and I 17）lost my temper. She didn’t hear me ask her to go to her room and count to 50 to try and calm down. She didn’t hear her crying， because she was so 18）frustrated with the morning that she forgot how to count.

Sitting there at a lovely dinner， I hadn’t forgotten that morning. I knew how the day had started and the very careful balance this parenting act can be. The 19）volume of our dinner was a lot lower than that of our morning. The volume of lovely is like that， isn’t it？ It’s quieter. Smaller. Those hard moments are always so loud. So easy to remember. So easy to hold onto.

Sometimes it takes a stranger at a restaurant to turn the volume up on the lovely a bit.

我喜歡做好計劃。我喜歡所有事情都按計劃進行。當然了，我并不總是如愿，但當事情真能按計劃進行時，我會很開心。一次，我和妻子在同一晚都要開會，時間并不重疊但非常接近，而且接近重疊的時間點恰好發生在晚飯時間。當我意識到這一點后，我便決定先和我那五歲的孩子到妻子會議地點附近閑逛，然后在我的會議開始之前——正好在她的會議剛剛結束之后——將孩子交到她的手上。這便是做好計劃讓你感覺很棒的那種時刻，但你不能完全嚴格地按行程走，因為讓你滿盤皆輸的可能性實在是太大了。

我和我的女兒選擇用將近一個鐘頭的時間，一起出去吃墨西哥卷，因為那會兒正是晚飯時間。想著妻子提醒我說這家餐館很火爆，想著她要求我確保“時刻留意（手機）響聲”的時候，我們已經到了門口。幾分鐘的工夫我就看不到我的女兒了，原來她已經拿著一杯水在喝了，所以我點了外帶食物，預備好一個袋子，以防我們需要快速離開。

我們坐在窗邊等叫號。然后我們再多等一會兒，讓墨西哥卷冷卻一下好入口。這期間我們玩起了“餐館游戲”——這是我們的新寵。我們通常會點牛奶和水。她閉上眼睛，我把吸管放到她的嘴里，她吸一小口，然后“猜猜”她喝的是什么。她覺得這游戲很好玩。這家餐館提供藍色和黃色的墨西哥炸玉米片，簡直就是為“餐館游戲”量身定做的。藍色和黃色的玉米片嘗起來是一個味兒，所以我要是猜錯的話，那就更好玩兒了。……