In the Kitchen， I Got the Power 在廚房，我是上帝

It’s just as I’m about to start seasoning the rib of beef， massaging it with mustard powder， salt and lust， that the question occurs to me. It’s one of those blunt1）， heavy-browed questions that forces you to stop what you are doing， palms forward over the meat. It is： Why am I doing this？ Why am I about to embark on cooking a meal of such intricacy？ This fine rib—and it really is a marvel of marbling2） and crimson3） muscle—is only the advance guard4）. Alongside will have to come batter5） for Yorkshire puddings， the parboiling6） and roasting of potatoes， the grating7） of fresh horseradish8）， the tricky endgame of the gravy and so much else besides. There is work here.

The blunt answer is that we have friends coming for lunch and we must give them something. But that’s not good enough. The “something” really doesn’t have to be all this. Am I trying to flatter them， prove my deep affection through searing and seasoning， peeling and chopping？ I hope not. We’ve been friends for long enough without all that malarkey9）. Hell， we’ve done takeaways together. If I sent out for10） lunch now they wouldn’t complain.

I could do some extended riff11） here on my own greed; how the other people are an irrelevance， that in truth the person I’m really feeding is me. Obviously that’s true. Only a good eater can be a good cook. But while I’m not beyond going to some effort to feed just myself， there are some dishes that have to be prepared in bulk. A fully accessorised roast rib of beef is one of them. You can’t do that for one. At the end of the process I will benefit from the pleasure of getting to eat it.

But I’m not convinced that really answers the question either. I look around the kitchen， which I know will， over the next coming hours， deteriorate until it looks like a bunch of especially foodie burglars have been in and ransacked12） every spice rack， condiment shelf and vegetable store. No matter. It’s only a bit of tidying up.

That’s when it strikes me. Cooking like this is about control. It’s about bending the world to your will. Modern lives are horribly complicated. They are full of uncompleted tasks and open-ended commitments. There are children who will insist on growing up and becoming people with ideas of their own. There are work colleagues who don’t do quite what you hoped， and bank accounts that will keep on emptying and sock drawers full of orphans which refuse to be reunited with their nearest and dearest. There is life.

And then there is cooking. You step into the kitchen， set a goal， and complete it. You take the chaos of raw ingredients and you bring order. You make them do exactly what you want them to do and they don’t answer back. Most importantly there is an end point13）： You will plot and scheme and connive14）. Finally you will eat all the evidence， do the washing up and be left only with that blissful sense of a job done. Children may refuse to do their homework. Colleagues may fail to pull their weight15）. But in the kitchen you are God. In the kitchen I am God. Slowly I lower my hands and begin to anoint16） the rib with mustard powder. We’re damn well having beef for lunch， and nothing will stop me.

就在我即將開始給牛肋排調味，滿懷熱情地搓上芥末粉和鹽為它按摩時，我忽然想到了這個問題。這是那種直截了當又讓人眉頭緊鎖的問題，讓你不得不放下正在干的活兒，雙手還撫在肋排上。這個問題是：我忙活這個是為什么？我為什么要著手做如此復雜的一頓飯？這塊上等肋排的確令人贊嘆，顏色緋紅，肉質肥瘦相間，宛如大理石花紋，而它僅僅是個“前哨”。接下來要做的還有：和好做約克夏布丁用的面糊，將土豆煮至半熟后烤熟，將新鮮辣根擦成碎末，最后是調制頗有些難度的調肉汁，此外還有其他許多事要做。這里有的是活兒干。

針對上述問題的直接回答是有朋友要來和我們共進午餐，我們必須招待他們。但這個理由不夠充分。因為“招待”朋友真的無需這般大費周章。我這么又是煎烤又是調味，又是削皮又是剁菜的，難道是在試圖討好他們，證明我對他們情誼深厚嗎？但愿不是這樣。我們是相交那么多年的朋友了，用不著這么客套。要知道，我們曾一起做過外賣。如果我現在訂外賣來當午餐，他們也不會有怨言。

我可以在此就自己的貪吃多說幾句。其他人怎么樣與此無關，事實上，我真正在滿足的那個人是我自己。這顯然是實情。只有“吃貨”才能成為好廚師。不過，雖然我也只是在為自己的口腹之欲下廚，但是有些菜品只能做大份的。伴有全套配菜的烤牛肋排就是其中一例。這道菜你沒法只做一個人的量。烹調過程結束后，我會在享用這道美味時收獲快樂。

不過，我也不相信這就是問題的真正答案。我環顧廚房，知道在接下來的幾個小時里，這兒將變得越來越亂，最后看上去就像有一伙鐘愛美食的竊賊曾經光顧一樣，每一層香料架、調味格和每一堆蔬菜都遭到洗劫。沒關系，略微收拾一下就可以了。

就在這時，我忽然想到了答案。這樣做飯的意義在于掌控，在于讓世界服從你的意志?，F代生活極其復雜，充滿了尚未完成的任務和存在變數的承諾。孩子們一個勁兒地要長大，成為擁有自己想法的人。同事們的工作做得不那么盡如人意。銀行賬戶里的余額不斷清零。裝襪子的抽屜里滿是形單影只的孤兒，不肯和它們至親至愛的另一半團聚。這就是生活。

不過，你還可以下廚。你走進廚房，設定目標，然后完成目標。你把一堆雜亂無章的原材料打理得井井有條。你讓它們完全按照你的意愿行事，它們還不會頂嘴。最重要的是，親自下廚有個目標：你會為此設計、策劃、謀算。最后，你會吃掉所有的證據，清洗餐具，只留下完工的幸福感。孩子們也許不肯寫作業，同事們也許沒能做好他們分內的工作，但是在廚房里，你就是上帝。在廚房里，我就是上帝。我的雙手緩緩落下，開始往肋排上抹芥末粉。我們午餐就是要吃牛肉，什么都不會阻止我。

1. blunt [bl?nt] adj. 直率的;直言不諱的

2. marbling [?mɑ?（r）bl??] adj. 像大理石花紋一樣肥瘦相間的

3. crimson [?kr?mz（?）n] adj. 深紅色的;緋紅色的

4. advance guard：前哨

5. batter [?b?t?（r）] n. （面粉、雞蛋和牛奶和成的）糊，面糊

6. parboil [?pɑ?（r）?b??l] vt. 煮至半熟

7. grate [ɡre?t] vt. 磨碎，擦碎

8. horseradish [?h??（r）s?r?d??] n. 辣根（一種植物的肉質根，常制成調味汁）

9. malarkey [m??lɑ?（r）ki] n. 廢話;蠢行

10. send out for：（向送貨上門的店鋪）訂購（食品等）

11. riff [r?f] n. （一小段表達一定主題或思想的）講話，文章

12. ransack [?r?ns?k] vt. 洗劫

13. end point：目標;目的

14. connive [k??na?v] vi. 密謀

15. pull one’s weight：盡本分;做好分內事

16. anoint [??n??nt] vt. 涂油于……