概不外借

Mark Twain once went to borrow a certain book from a neighbour in Tarry town.

“May I borrow a book from you？” he asked politely.

“Yes， you’re more than welcome to it，” the neighbour told him.

“But I must ask you to read it here. You know I make a rule never to let any book go out of my library.”

Some days later the neighbour wished to borrow Twain’s machine for cutting grass in the garden.

“Why， certainly，” Twain told him， “You’re more than welcome to it. But I must ask you to use it here. You know that I make it a rule never to let it go out of my garden.”

The great painter was asked， one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced， a hitch[故障] arose over the fee， and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the sum he expected. When the work was completed， the patron[贊助人，主顧] was asked to come and inspect it. As a matter of fact， the picture was just one daub[涂抹，涂料] of brilliant red.

What’s this？exclaimed the purchaser. I asked for the Red Sea， on the occasion of the celebrated passage.

That’s it， replied Hogarth.

But，where are the Israelites？

They are all gone over.

Where are the Egyptians？

They’re all drowned.

在特里鎮，馬克·吐溫有一次去一位鄰居那兒借本書。

“我可以向您借本書嗎？”他禮貌地問道。

“當然，非常樂意，”鄰居告訴他，

“但我要求你在這兒讀。你知道我有一條規定，那就是決不讓一本書拿出我的圖書室。 ”

幾天后，這位鄰人想從吐溫那兒借臺割草機。

“噢，當然，”吐溫告訴他，“非常樂意借給你。但我要你在這兒用。你知道我從來不允許它拿出我的花園。”

一天，有人請這位偉大的畫家畫一幅法老王渡紅海圖。這幅畫剛開始不久，酬金就出現了問題。霍迪斯發現，完成這幅畫后，他只能得到他想要的大約一半的錢。當作品完成之后，那位主顧被請來看畫。其實，這幅畫不過是胡亂涂抹的一片鮮紅。

“這是什么？”那位買主喊了起來。“我要的是紅海，是那次著名的航海。”

“這就是。”霍迦斯回答說。

“可是以色列人在哪兒？”

“他們都已經渡過去了。”

“埃及人在哪兒？”

“他們全都淹死了。”