借錢(qián)——友誼不能承受之重？

At this point in history， money holds such massive emotional 1)baggage that asking，“Can I have some of yours for a while?” or “Will I ever get that money I lent you back?” are some of life’s weightier questions.

And now， we the people—underwater， unemployed and terrified—are forced ever more into the position of borrowing and lending among ourselves. Facing increasing personal financial crises， many of us now gaze with dollar signs in our eyes at those with whom we lunched and shopped and shared secrets in happier times.

Ella Hodges had three kids and worked parttime for a law firm when her husband’s business failed in 2010. For the first time in her life， she needed to borrow money. But from whom?

“I knew that my friend Bree had a lot of money， and I knew she would say yes，” Hodges remembers. “She knew I had always been very 2)fiscally careful， so she trusted me. But how could I put Bree into the position of worrying that maybe the payback might never come? How could I put that burden on our friendship?”

Hodges says， “Borrowing money from Bree would make her my banker. She could then 3)justifiably 4)scrutinize every decision I made. If she loaned me money， then asked me out for drinks， should I not drink? If I buy a car， does she get to choose it? I’m a very self-conscious person; others aren’t. They wouldn’t share my concerns about borrowing money or spending it.”

Tory Fisk learned this when his friend， a laidoff computer programmer we will call Jed， asked Fisk last year， for an $800 loan.

To music-teacher Fisk， $800 was a lot. “Friends are usually in the same economic class as each other， so if you ask your friend for money， that friend is probably not going to be some 5)cavalier 6)Richie Rich smoking 7)solid-gold cigars.”

Having always earned more than Fisk， Jed spent freely. Jed told Fisk he needed the $800 “for essentials like food，” and promised to repay it in$50 monthly 8)installments.

Fisk loaned Jed the money.

Jed missed the first payment， then the next. One day Fisk was startled to see Jed “wearing a fancy new suit. He said that when you’re 9)down and out， you need good clothes to impress potential future employers.

“With every missed payment， I found myself feeling more and more critical about his lifestyle. It was like， if I’m supporting you， then I 10)have a stake in your choices. You’re supposed to use that money to get back on your feet—not enjoy yourself，” Fisk seethed.

在歷史的這一時(shí)刻，金錢(qián)承載著巨大的情感包袱，提出“我能借你的錢(qián)用一段時(shí)間嗎？”或者“你啥時(shí)候才能把錢(qián)還我呢？”這樣的疑問(wèn)，都是生活中較為沉重的話題。

如今，我們這些人——迷茫、失業(yè)和恐懼——越來(lái)越多地?zé)o奈走向相互借貸之路。面對(duì)與日俱增的個(gè)人財(cái)政危機(jī)，現(xiàn)在我們很多人以金錢(qián)的眼光審視當(dāng)年那些好日子時(shí)與我們共進(jìn)午餐、一起購(gòu)物和共享秘密的人。

2010年，埃拉·霍奇斯的丈夫生意失敗，當(dāng)時(shí)她一邊撫養(yǎng)三個(gè)孩子，一邊在一家律師事務(wù)所兼職。她這一輩子首次需要借錢(qián)。但向誰(shuí)借呢？

霍奇斯回憶說(shuō)：“當(dāng)時(shí)我知道我的朋友布里很有錢(qián)，我也知道她會(huì)說(shuō)沒(méi)問(wèn)題。她知道我一向在花錢(qián)方面很謹(jǐn)慎，所以她信任我。但我怎么能置布里于‘本錢(qián)不保’的憂心中呢？我怎么能將這種負(fù)擔(dān)加諸我們的友誼之上呢？”

霍奇斯又說(shuō)：“向布里借錢(qián)會(huì)讓她變成我的金主。那么她就可以名正言順地審查我做的每一個(gè)決定。要是她借了錢(qián)給我，然后約我出去喝一杯，我不該喝嗎？要是我要買(mǎi)輛車(chē)，她也要左右我選擇哪部嗎？我是一個(gè)很自覺(jué)的人。其他人并不如此。他們不會(huì)認(rèn)同我在借錢(qián)或花錢(qián)問(wèn)題上的顧慮。”

去年，托里·菲斯克的一個(gè)朋友——一個(gè)下了崗的計(jì)算機(jī)程序員（我們管他叫杰德）向其借了一筆800美元的債務(wù)。這時(shí)，他明白了這一道理。

對(duì)于音樂(lè)教師菲斯克來(lái)說(shuō)，800美元是一筆大錢(qián)。“朋友之間通常處于相同的經(jīng)濟(jì)階層，所以如果你向你的朋友借錢(qián)，他大概也不會(huì)是那種用純金器具抽雪茄的闊氣紳士。……