你失敗，然后收獲

Cody Wilkins sat on the bench—yet again—while his soccer teammates ran up and down the field scoring goals. It had been a tough year of high school for the Chicago teen. Even though Cody was the only freshman on varsity1， he almost never got to play， and he felt like a failure.

“Before high school， it was like I was swimming in a little pond， and then I suddenly landed in Lake Michigan，” Cody says.“My confidence was shot2. I thought I didn’t deserve to be on the varsity team. I thought maybe I wasn’t as good as my coaches thought I was during tryouts3. I thought maybe I should quit.”

Any teen who has ever come in second， fifth， thirteenth， or even last place can probably relate to4 how Cody felt. But even though losing can seem devastating5， it can actually be good for you.

You learn about your strengths and weaknesses.

No one is perfect. Tiger Woods6 doesn’t win every golf tournament7 he enters. LeBron James8 doesn’t make every basketball shot he takes. But one reason that both are elite athletes is that each has learned how to benefit from failure. You don’t have to be all-time great to do this， either. Madi Carleton， 14， of Waterbury， Connecticut， is a competitive swimmer. Her coach once made her sit out9 a race because her times weren’t fast enough.“I wanted so much to be a part of it—to be racing，” she says.“I also knew I couldn’t. I wasn’t good enough.”

After the race， Madi had a decision to make: keep swimming， even though she wasn’t the best， or quit. She decided to stick it out10， and now she is swimming races like her friends are. She’s even earned a few medals.“When you don’t have automatic11 success， you learn to appreciate every success more because you had to work so hard to earn it，” she says.

Cody went through a similar experience once he discovered that he wasn’t as good a soccer player as he thought he was.“The struggle I went through made me want to work harder，” he says.“No matter how talented you are， you can always improve in sports， and that carries over into everyday life too.”

Cody took advantage of his time on the bench to watch his more skilled and experienced teammates play the game. He worked hard to better his game， and by the time he was a junior， he had improved so much that he was named captain of his nationally ranked team. He is now a senior and is being recruited12 to play soccer for several colleges.

You learn to separate your self-worth from how good—or bad—you are at something. If you base your value just on whether you win or lose， you’ll never be happy. Why? Winning is always temporary because there is always another competition or challenge around the corner13 waiting for you. If all that matters to you is winning， you’ll end up exhausting yourself trying to come out on top14 in everything you do.“If your stance15 is‘if I don’t win， then I’m not good enough，’ then you’re saying 100 percent of your worth is wrapped up in16 this one tournament or test or competition，” says Dr. Mike Dow， a psychologist in Los Angeles who works with teenagers.“That’s not healthy or realistic.”

Tori Bowden， 18， of St. Charles， Missouri， learned this the hard way. She was a straight-A student in math until her sophomore year in high school when， for the first time in her life， math became difficult. Unable to cope with that challenge， Tori shut down17 and stopped doing her homework. As a result， she failed math.“I had to go to summer school and repeat a math class，” Tori says.“I really regret it now.”

You learn to have realistic goals and expectations.

Once you accept that not winning at something isn’t the end of your world， you can get on with the business of living your life and learning from it. In the long run18， this is invaluable. Some experts even say that a teen who experiences losing is more likely to accept constructive criticism and have a good work ethic19 —both of which will come in handy20 when you go to college or get a job.

Through failure， Cody， Madi， and Tori all learned the value of hard work， and that skill will help them throughout their lives. In college or in the workplace， they and every other teenager will need a good work ethic to handle the responsibilities of earning a higher degree and working a full-time job. So the next time you lose， whether it’s on an important test or a big competition， try to think about the big picture.“What would your 25-year-old self say to your 16-year-old self about losing?” Dow asks.“Your future self will probably tell you that it isn’t the end of the world.”

科迪·威爾金斯坐在替補席上——這已經不是第一次了——此時他足球隊的隊友們正在球場上來回奔跑，射門得分。對這個芝加哥少年而言，這是高中生活中難捱的一年。盡管身為校足球隊唯一的高一新生，科迪卻幾乎從未上場比賽過，他因此感到很失敗。

“上高中之前，我覺得自己是在小池塘里游泳，接著突然就掉入了密歇根湖，”科迪說，“我失去了信心。我覺得自己不夠格待在校隊，或許自己并沒有選拔賽上教練們所認為的那么優(yōu)秀，或許我應該退出。”

任何一個曾排名第二、第五、第十三甚至最后一名的青少年都很有可能對科迪的經歷感同身受。然而，雖然失敗看起來是毀滅性的，但實際上卻可能對你大有裨益。

你了解了自己的優(yōu)勢和劣勢。

金無赤金，人無完人。泰格·伍茲并不是每次參加高爾夫比賽都能贏，勒布朗·詹姆斯也不是每次投籃都能進球。但他們之所以能成為最杰出的運動員，有一個相同的原因，那就是他們都知道如何從失敗中獲益。同樣，你并不是在任何時候都必須表現(xiàn)得很優(yōu)秀。14歲的女孩馬迪·卡爾頓來自康涅狄格州沃特伯里市，是一名游泳運動員。她的教練曾在一次比賽時讓她坐在一旁觀賽，因為她游得不夠快。“我多想成為其中的一份子去參加比賽啊，”她說，“但我也知道不行，那時我還不夠優(yōu)秀。”

那次比賽后，馬迪不得不做出決定：要么繼續(xù)游泳，即使她不是最棒的那個；要么就放棄。她選擇了堅持到底，而今，她也像她的伙伴們那樣參加各種游泳比賽，甚至還得了一些獎。“當成功來之不易時，你就會學著更加珍惜每一次成功，因為你必須為此加倍努力。”她說。

當科迪發(fā)現(xiàn)他作為足球運動員并沒有自己想的那么優(yōu)秀時，也有過(與馬迪)相似的體驗。“我所遭遇的困境讓我想要更加努力地訓練，”他說，“不論你多么有天分，在體育運動中你總是可以進步的。這個道理同樣也適用于日常生活。”

科迪利用他在替補席上的這段時間，認真觀察了那些技術更佳、經驗更豐富的隊友們在賽場上的表現(xiàn)。為了提高球技，他刻苦地訓練。到三年級時，他已取得了很大進步，還被任命為校隊隊長——他們的足球隊是全國排名靠前的隊伍。現(xiàn)在，身為四年級學生的他已經收到了好幾所大學球隊的邀請。

你學會了分開對待自我價值的高低和自己在某方面能力的強弱。

如果僅僅根據(jù)輸贏成敗來論個人價值，那你將永遠無法快樂。原因何在？獲勝總是暫時的，因為在不遠的前方總有下一場競賽或挑戰(zhàn)等著你。如果對你而言只有獲勝最重要，那你終將在事事爭優(yōu)的辛勞中變得筋疲力盡。“如果你認為‘如果我不能獲勝，那就不夠優(yōu)秀’，那么就是說你把百分之百的個人價值都局限在這一次聯(lián)賽、測試或者競賽中了，”洛杉磯研究青少年問題的心理學家邁克·道博士說，“這樣的想法既不利于健康，也不切合實際。”

來自密蘇里州圣查爾斯市的托里·鮑登以慘痛的方式學會了這個道理。她是一名數(shù)學成績一直全A的優(yōu)等生，直到高二時，她有生以來第一次感到數(shù)學變得那么難。由于無力應對這一挑戰(zhàn)，托里不再學習，也不再做家庭作業(yè)。結果，她的數(shù)學沒有及格。“我不得不去上暑假班重修數(shù)學課，”托里說，“我現(xiàn)在真的很后悔。”

你學會了設定符合實際的目標和期望。

只要你明白，在某事上的落敗并不意味著世界末日的到來，那你就可以在生活的道路上繼續(xù)前進，并從中學習。從長遠來看，這是無價之寶。有些專家甚至認為，經歷過失敗的青少年更有可能接受建設性的批評意見，并具備良好的職業(yè)道德——它們會在你今后讀大學或找工作時派上用場。

透過失敗，科迪、馬迪和托里都認識到了勤奮與努力的價值，而這種認識將有助于他們度過今后的人生。不論是在大學還是在工作場合，他們和其他青少年都需要具備良好的職業(yè)道德，以應對獲取更高的學歷或參加全職工作時所承擔的責任。因此，下次不管是考砸了一場重要考試，還是輸?shù)袅艘粓龃笮捅荣悾堅囍撮_一點、想遠一些。“關于失敗，25歲的你會對16歲的你說些什么呢？”道博士問道，“未來的你很有可能會告訴現(xiàn)在的你，這并不是世界末日。”

注釋

1. varsity n. (尤指體育運動的)大學(或學院、學校)代表隊，校隊

2. shot adj. 毀滅的；受傷的

3. tryout n. (選拔運動員、演員等的)選拔賽

4. relate to: (能與某人)感同身受

5. devastating adj. 破壞性極大的，毀滅性的

6. Tiger Woods: 泰格·伍茲(1975～ )，美國職業(yè)高爾夫球手，多次排名世界首位，被公認為史上最成功的高爾夫球手之一。

7. tournament n. 比賽，錦標賽，聯(lián)賽

8. LeBron James: 勒布朗·詹姆斯(1984～ )，美國NBA職業(yè)籃球運動員，司職小前鋒，效力于邁阿密熱火隊。

9. sit out: 坐在一旁不參加

10. stick out: (把……)堅持到底

11. automatic adj. 必然的

12. recruit vt. 招收，吸收(新成員)

13. around the corner: 行將發(fā)生的，即將來到的 14. come out on top: 獲得成功，成為最優(yōu)秀者

15. stance n. 態(tài)度

16. be wrapped up in: 沉迷于(某人或某事而忽略了其他人或事)

17. shut down: 停止(工作等)

18. in the long run: 從長遠來看

19. work ethic: 職業(yè)道德

20. come in handy: (在某種情況下)有用