成功需要什么

My name is Shaun Alexander， and I’m the running back for the Seattle Seahawks football team. It’s how most people define me. But I’m also a husband and father， and a man of faith. Ever since college， I’ve been amentor for young men from broken homes—young men， who， given the chance， can achieve their potential wherever their talent leads. Here’s what I tell them and anyone who’s looking for guidance. It’s my playbook for success.

Be Yourself

When I was in sixth grade， I had a science teacher named Mrs. Walton. She’d had my older brother， Durran， in her class the year before. Durran is very smart and is the kind of student that every teacher loved. I idolized him. One day she gave us a test. I’d studied as hard as I could， but got a mediocre grade—nowhere near what Durran had probably scored. My eyes filled with tears. Mrs. Walton came up to me.“You’ll do better next time，” she said.

I shook my head.“I’ll never be like Durran，” I said.

She shook her head， then said softly，“No， you don’t have to be like Durran. You just have to be the best Shaun the world’s ever seen.” Those words clicked in my head. That’s been my goal ever since.

Don’t Judge People Till，You’ve Walked in Their Shoes.

When I was growing up and first getting noticed for my athletic skills， my half-brother Tony would say，“Shaun， Dad put you in your shoes.” I didn’t like hearing that. My dad and mom had split up when I was young， and he never spent much time with me. Seems the only time he came around was to watch me play ball in high school. Like that’s all I was. Man， I resented him for that.

I didn’t realize how deep my bitterness ran. I couldn’t get him—or our damaged relationship—out of my mind. I hadn’t seen or heard from Dad in a long time. Then one day， during my first pro season， I got up the courage to call him.

“Hello?” he said. Before he could say anything more， the words poured out of me. I told him how deeply he’d hurt me.

My words shocked him.“I’ve always felt like you’re the only one who’s going to be there for me，” he said.

Now I was shocked.“What are you talking about?” I asked.

Then Dad reminded me about the death of his mother—my grandmother. For a lot of reasons， I was the only one of his five sons who could accompany him to the funeral. While we sat there at the service， Dad cried a lot. I was young， and I had no way of knowing what he was thinking. I just knew somehow that he needed me.

Now， as we talked on the phone， Dad told me that that funeral changed how he looked at his life and mine.

“My relationships with your brothers were strained，” he said.“I vowed I wouldn’t let that happen with you. That’s why， out of nowhere， I started attending your games.”

Wow， I thought. Maybe showing up at my games was the only way he knew how to show his love.

Not long after， I wrote in my journal，“Never judge a person because of how they treat you until you learn what they are going through.”

Give

Sometimes I think of all those who’ve helped me through life. There are so many: my mom， dad， brothers and half-brothers; Mrs. Walton， my sixth-grade teacher; my friends; my coaches. All of them and so many more—they were so generous with me. They gave me their time， love and dedication， never once asking for anything in return. What would I be today without any one of them? A lesser person， I know.

Each of us， over the course of a lifetime， accumulates a wealth of wisdom and knowledge. We’ve taken so much. There comes a point in each person’s life when it’s time to give back. When I started my scholarship fund， I didn’t have money， just a mission to help. I started making speeches， trying to raise money for kids in Alabama’s achingly poor Choctaw County. Now we’ve helped dozens of deserving young men from all over who are attending college. I didn’t think I’d be able to do so much. But when you give—not just from your wallet， but from your heart and of yourself—you find you can do more than you dreamed possible.

我叫肖恩·亞歷山大，是西雅圖海鷹橄欖球隊的跑衛。這是大多數人對我的“定義”，而我還是一個丈夫、父親，一個心存信念的人。上大學以來，我一直在為來自破裂家庭的年輕人提供指導——如果能給予這些年輕人一次機會，他們就能在任何一個他們具有天賦的領域發揮潛能。下面就是我給他們以及所有想尋求指導的人的一些建議。這也是我的成功秘籍。

做你自己

上六年級時，沃爾頓太太是我的科學課老師。她在一年前曾教過我的哥哥達蘭。達蘭非常聰明，是每個老師都喜歡的那種學生。我很崇拜他。一天，沃爾頓太太給我們進行了一次測驗。之前，我竭盡全力用功準備，但最后依然成績平平——和達蘭可能曾得過的分數相差甚遠。我的眼里噙滿了淚水。沃爾頓太太走到我身旁。“下次你會做得更好。”她說。

我搖搖頭，回答說：“我永遠都沒法像達蘭那樣。”

她搖了搖頭，然后溫柔地對我說：“不，你根本不必像達蘭那樣。你只要做世界上最棒的肖恩就行。”這些話縈繞在我腦海中，從此以后，成了我的人生目標。

未知他人處境， 切莫妄下結論。

我漸漸長大，我的運動天賦被人發現。和我同父異母的兄弟托尼說：“肖恩，爸爸很為你著想。”我可不愛聽這話。在我很小的時候，爸爸和媽媽就離婚了，爸爸從沒花過太長時間和我待在一起。好像唯一一次他來看我還是在我讀高中的時候，他來看我打球。似乎我除了是個球員就什么都不是。嗨，我曾因此而恨他。

我一直沒有意識到自己的痛苦滲透得那么深。我無法將他——或是我們受損的關系——拋之腦后。我曾經很久沒有見過爸爸或是聽到他的消息。直到有一天，在我第一次職業賽季期間，我終于鼓起勇氣給他打了個電話。

“喂？”他應答。在他能再說一句之前，我滔滔不絕地把心里的苦水全倒了出來。我告訴他，他已傷我傷得有多深。

我的話讓他大吃一驚。“我一直覺得，你是唯一一個能在我需要的時候給我支持的人。”他說。

現在輪到我感到震驚了。“你在說什么？”我問。

爸爸讓我憶起了他的母親——我的奶奶——去世的事情。出于種種原因，在他的五個兒子里，我是唯一一個能陪他去參加葬禮的。葬禮儀式上，我們坐在那里，爸爸哭得很傷心。我當時還小，無法明白他在想什么。但不知怎地，我就是知道他需要我。

現在，當我們在電話里交談時，爸爸告訴我那次葬禮是如何改變了他對自己的生活以及我的生活的態度。

“我和你兄弟們的關系很緊張，”他說，“我發誓不會讓同樣的情況出現在你我之間。這就是我為什么莫名其妙地開始來看你比賽的原因。”

噢，我想，也許來看比賽是他知道的能表達他的愛的唯一方式。

不久之后，我在日記中寫道：“在不了解別人所經歷的事情前，永遠不要因他們對待你的方式而妄下斷論。”

給予

有時，我會想起在生活中曾幫助過我的所有人。那么多的人：我的媽媽、爸爸、兄弟以及同父異母的兄弟；我六年級的老師沃爾頓太太；我的朋友們；我的教練們。所有這些人還有其他許多人——他們對我是如此慷慨。他們在我身上花時間，給予我關愛，傾其所有，卻從不要求任何回報。若沒有他們中的任何一位，今天的我會是什么樣子呢？我知道，一定不如現在的我。

我們每個人在人生道路上都積累了許多寶貴的智慧與知識。我們已索取了那么多，在每個人的生活中都會有回報他人的時刻。當我著手籌建我的獎學金基金時，我并沒有錢，只肩負著幫助別人的使命。于是我開始做演講，努力為亞拉巴馬州赤貧的查克托縣的孩子們籌資。現在我們已經幫助了各地許多值得扶助的年輕人，讓他們能夠上大學。此前我并不認為自己可以做這么多事。但當你給予他人時——不只是掏錢包資助，而且要真心自愿地給予——你會發現，你可以超越自己的夢想。