抉擇

I was probably one of the few kids in America whose parents didn’t want her to go to college. It’s not that they didn’t want me to go， exactly， now that I look back at it， but， just as everything else in high school， there was the major issue of money.

My family is very blue collar. My parents started having kids very young， and I felt they were never able to achieve more than getting a factory job， and trying to make ends meet as their family grew.

While I was growing up， it was fine to speak in theoretical terms about going to college. I would always say I wanted to go to an Ivy League school1 and then practice neurosurgery2 at the Mayo Clinic3， and my dad would say there was absolutely nothing wrong with our state university. My aunt Mary， the only person in both extended families4 to go to school before me， had gone there and she was a big shot5 lawyer taking in loads of money. So Dad suggested that’s what I ought to shoot for6.

The one thing I vividly remembered hating in high school was asking for money. When my junior year arrived， I had signed up for the whole course load of Advanced Placement (AP)7 classes. Even though the AP tests were only $22 at that time， my mom would question why I needed the money and， I believe， huff8 a little bit as she wrote out the check. I gave creative speeches about how much AP would save me at college， and that those $22 would be parlayed9 into thousands of dollars of tuition money.

By the time senior year rolled around10， I sent out only two applications for college， one to the state university a little more than two hours away from my hometown， and one to a school in another state. I was quickly accepted into both， but this was the point at which I felt somewhat blindsided11 by my parents. My dad， at least， seemed to be against the idea of my going away for school. He wanted me to attend the extension12 in our county and save money by continuing to live at home.

The mere13 thought of staying home another two years was enough to turn my stomach14. I was already attending some classes at“The Stench15，” because my high school didn’t offer the accelerated classes I qualified for. Although it was a fine school， and many people did transfer from the extension to the main state school， I knew I wouldn’t follow that path.

For whatever reason， I had been given more ambition than my parents before me， or my two younger brothers， both of whom opted for16 the factory scene rather than education. But I could see this ambition having an ending point， as if it were mistakenly siphoned17 into me and would be sucked out if I spent too much time in my small town. I could see in my mind’s eye how discouraged I would get living at home for two more years under my parents’ ironclad18 rule， either getting frustrated at the extension， or finding more value in the attention from boys， ending up pregnant and working at the nearby gas station. Not my idea of a future.

So every day after school， my dad and I had blown out fights about where I would go to college. His logic was very sound， especially considering where I stand now， three years after graduation with debt up to my eyeballs19， but I just knew I would get nowhere20 staying in my hometown. He threatened to give me no financial help at all， and I said that was fine， I would be able to get enough loans.

Eventually I signed my family up for a tour of the state university. My dad and I toured campus， and even though it was very cold， my dad fell in love—or at the very least seemed very enthusiastic about every corner of the campus.

I could tell he was softened by this visit， but the fights about where I was going to get the money continued until the day I packed everything up into our minivan21. It was then， at breakfast before we made our journey down， that my dad said he was proud of me. He hadn’t thought I would actually leave， and he was impressed. As my parents dropped me off at my dorm room， my mom started crying hysterically22， and even my dad teared up， kissing me on the forehead， which was the first time I could remember getting hugged and kissed by them in years.

At this point， my relationship with my parents changed. No longer were they the disciplinarians23， but they became confidants24， advisors and an excellent support system， and I became an adult. Sometimes I still expect to get yelled at for my decisions， but they’ve done phenomenally25 well to leave me to my own life， and to just be happy when I actually call home. No matter what happens now， I know standing my ground26 on where to go for school has been the best decision of my life， as I have gained both a good education and a precious life experience I never would have been exposed to had I taken any other road.

在美國，很少有父母不想讓孩子上大學(xué)，可我就是這些孩子中的一員。確切地說，并不是父母真的不想讓我上大學(xué)，如今回想起來，就像我在高中時(shí)所遭遇的其他所有事情一樣，主要還是錢的問題。

我生活在極普通的工人家庭。我的父母很早就開始生兒育女。我感覺他們最大的成就，也就是找到一份工廠的工作，并隨著家庭成員的增加努力維持收支平衡。

隨著我一天天長大，理論上說，談?wù)撋洗髮W(xué)的事情順理成章。我總會(huì)說我想要去一所常春藤大學(xué)就讀，然后去梅奧醫(yī)學(xué)中心當(dāng)一名神經(jīng)外科醫(yī)生，爸爸也總是說我們州立大學(xué)絕對沒什么問題。我的姑姑瑪麗是父母雙方家族中在我之前唯一上過大學(xué)的人。她念的就是州立大學(xué)，如今是一位赫赫有名的律師，收入頗豐。因此，爸爸認(rèn)為那就是我應(yīng)當(dāng)為之奮斗的目標(biāo)。

我清楚地記得，高中時(shí)一直痛恨的一件事情是向父母要錢。我升入高二年級時(shí)，報(bào)名參加了包含所有課程的大學(xué)先修班。盡管那時(shí)該班的測試費(fèi)僅有22美元，但媽媽還是會(huì)質(zhì)疑我為什么需要那些錢，并且我確信，媽媽在寫支票時(shí)還有點(diǎn)兒生氣。我多次頗有創(chuàng)意地發(fā)表演說:大學(xué)選修課程能讓我在大學(xué)里省下多大一筆銀子，而那22美元?jiǎng)t將會(huì)增值為成千上萬的學(xué)費(fèi)。

到上高三的時(shí)候，我只發(fā)出了兩份大學(xué)申請書:一份發(fā)給了離我的家鄉(xiāng)兩個(gè)多小時(shí)車程的州立大學(xué)，另一份則發(fā)給了別的州的一所學(xué)校。很快我就被兩所院校同時(shí)錄取，但是恰在這一點(diǎn)上，父母令我感到有些吃驚。至少爸爸看起來似乎反對我離家求學(xué)的想法。他想讓我在本縣的進(jìn)修部繼續(xù)求學(xué)，并想讓我繼續(xù)住在家里以節(jié)省開支。

僅僅只是想到自己還要在家待上兩年，我便會(huì)感到厭煩。我已經(jīng)在上那所“爛校”的一些課程了，因?yàn)槲宜诘母咧袥]開設(shè)適合我學(xué)習(xí)的快班。盡管那是一所好學(xué)校，并且許多人還確實(shí)從這所進(jìn)修部轉(zhuǎn)到了州里的主校區(qū)，但我知道我不會(huì)那么做。

無論什么原因，與我的父母以及寧愿選擇工廠工作也不愿接受教育的兩個(gè)弟弟相比，我已被賦予了更遠(yuǎn)大的抱負(fù)。但是我能看到這個(gè)抱負(fù)有一個(gè)終結(jié)點(diǎn)，仿佛它被錯(cuò)誤地注入我的心中，而如果我在家鄉(xiāng)小鎮(zhèn)耗費(fèi)太多時(shí)間，它就會(huì)被吸空。在內(nèi)心深處我可以看到，如果我在父母嚴(yán)苛的管教下再在家里住上兩年，我會(huì)變得多么沮喪:要么會(huì)對這個(gè)進(jìn)修部灰心，要么會(huì)從男孩子們的關(guān)注中找到更多的自我價(jià)值，最終結(jié)婚生子，在附近的加油站工作。這可不是我對未來的想法。

這樣一來，每天放學(xué)后我和爸爸就會(huì)為我去哪兒上大學(xué)而爆發(fā)爭吵。他的邏輯非常合理，尤其是考慮到我當(dāng)前的處境——高中畢業(yè)后三年之內(nèi)，我將債臺(tái)高筑。但是我深知待在家鄉(xiāng)我將一事無成。他威脅說不給我任何經(jīng)濟(jì)支持，我回答說沒關(guān)系，我會(huì)得到足夠的貸款。

最終我給全家報(bào)了名去參加州立大學(xué)觀光游。我和爸爸游覽了整個(gè)校園，盡管天氣很冷，爸爸還是很快就喜歡上了這所學(xué)校——或者至少看上去對這所學(xué)校的每一個(gè)角落都熱情有加。

我能斷定通過這次參觀，他的態(tài)度軟化了。但是關(guān)于我將去哪兒籌到錢的爭吵卻仍在繼續(xù)，直到我將所有用品都打包裝進(jìn)我家的小貨車?yán)铩＞驮谖覀兩下非俺栽绮偷臅r(shí)候，爸爸說他以我為榮。他沒有想到我會(huì)真的離家遠(yuǎn)行，他深受感動(dòng)。當(dāng)父母驅(qū)車把我送到宿舍時(shí)，媽媽開始歇斯底里地大哭起來，就連爸爸也眼里泛起了淚花。他們親吻了我的額頭，這可是數(shù)年來我能記起的第一次被他們擁抱和親吻。

就在這一刻，我和父母的關(guān)系改變了。他們不再是嚴(yán)師，反而變成了我的密友、顧問以及堅(jiān)強(qiáng)后盾，我也變成了成年人。有時(shí)我還期盼能夠因?yàn)槲业臎Q定而受到他們的責(zé)罵，但是他們已經(jīng)能坦然面對，任由我安排自己的人生。當(dāng)我給家里打電話的時(shí)候，他們都很高興。無論現(xiàn)在情況如何，我知道為去哪兒上大學(xué)而堅(jiān)持到底是我人生中最棒的一個(gè)決定，因?yàn)槲也粌H得到了良好的教育，還擁有了一次寶貴的人生體驗(yàn)——假如我選擇了其他的人生道路，這些我將永遠(yuǎn)都不會(huì)擁有。

注釋

1. Ivy League school: 常春藤盟校。它是由美國的八所名牌大學(xué)組成的一個(gè)大學(xué)聯(lián)合會(huì)，包括馬塞諸塞州的哈佛大學(xué)、康涅狄格州的耶魯大學(xué)、紐約州的哥倫比亞大學(xué)、新澤西州的普林斯頓大學(xué)、羅德島的布朗大學(xué)、紐約州的康奈爾大學(xué)、新罕布什爾州的達(dá)特茅斯學(xué)院和賓夕法尼亞州的賓夕法尼亞大學(xué)。這八所大學(xué)都是美國首屈一指的大學(xué)，歷史悠久，治學(xué)嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)，許多著名的科學(xué)家、政界要人、商賈巨子都畢業(yè)于此。

2. neurosurgery n.【醫(yī)】神經(jīng)外科學(xué)

3. Mayo Clinic: 梅奧醫(yī)學(xué)中心，美國著名的醫(yī)療機(jī)構(gòu)之一。

4. extended family: 大家庭，擴(kuò)大的家庭

5. big shot: <俚> 要人，名人，大亨，有權(quán)勢的人 6. shoot for: <主美口> 爭取得到(或完成)；為……而努力

7. Advanced Placement (AP): 大學(xué)選修課程。

8. huff vi. 發(fā)怒

9. parlay vt. 使增值

10. roll around: (季節(jié)等)周而復(fù)始，這里是“來到、來臨”的意思

11. blindside vt. (通常以某種壞的結(jié)果)令某人感到吃驚

12. extension n. 大學(xué)的附設(shè)部分

13. mere adj. 僅僅的，只不過

14. turn sb.’s stomach: <口> 使某人反胃；使某人惡心；使某人厭惡

15. stench n. 惡臭，臭氣；此處作者用“The Stench”來表示自己對父親希望“我”去上的那所本縣的進(jìn)修部的厭惡。

16. opt for: 選擇；做出抉擇

17. siphon vt. 用虹吸管吸(或輸送、抽干)

18. ironclad adj. 不能改變的；取消不了的；打不破的

19. up to one’s eyeballs: 習(xí)語，意思是“深陷困境”

20. get nowhere: <口> (使)無進(jìn)展，(使)不能成功，(使)徒勞

21. minivan n. 小型貨車

22. hysterically adv. 情緒異常激動(dòng)地；情緒狂暴不能控制地；歇斯底里般地

23. disciplinarian n. 執(zhí)行紀(jì)律者；嚴(yán)格紀(jì)律信奉者

24. confidant n. 密友，知己(尤指能向之吐露戀愛等秘密者)

25. phenomenally adv. 顯著地；不尋常地，驚人地；杰出地

26. stand one’s ground: 堅(jiān)持立場