幽默

Charles Makes a Complete Apology

One evening a young man at Oxford (牛津大學)who was known to be something of a poet(詩人)read one of his poems to asmall group of friends in his room. The poem was greatly admired(贊美)， but as they came away one of the friends， Charles， said，“I was very much interested in Alfred’s poems but it was stolen from a book.”

This remark(話)was repeated to Alfred， who was very annoyed(生氣)and demanded an apology(要求道歉).

“Well，”said Charles，“I don’t often take back what I have said，but on this occasion(這一次)I admit (承認)I was mistaken. When I got to my room I looked in the book from which I thought the poem was stolen—and I found it was still there.”

Clever Bobby

Brown was very proud of his young son. Once he was talking to a visitor， telling the man how clever his son was.

“The boy is only two years old，”he said，“and he knows all animals. He’s going to be a great naturalist(博物學家). Here， let me show you.”

He took a book of natural history from the bookshelf， placed Bobby on his knee， opened the book and showed him a picture of a giraffe(長頸鹿).

“What’s that， Bobby?”

“Horsey(馬兒)，”said Bobby.

Next a tiger was shown， and Bobby said，“Pussy(貓咪).”

Then Brown showed Bobby a picture of a lion， and Bobby said，“Doggy(狗兒).”

And when a picture of a chimpanzee(黑猩猩)was shown， Bobby said，“Daddy!”

The Landowner’s Wish

Scott， the explorer(探險者)，applied(請求)to Loyd George for assitance (援助)for his last polar expedition(南極遠征).The Chancellor(大臣)as he then was adviced Scott to see a certain rich landowner(地主) who was interested in polar research. The explorer did so， and again called on Loyd George.

“Were you successful?”asked the Chancellor.

“He’s giving me a thousand，”was the reply，“but he has undertaken to raise to 50，000 if I can persuade you to come with me， and I’m to have a million if I manage(設法成功)to leave you there.”

A Witty Farmer

Farmer Jones is buying some things at a hardware store(五金店).The store-keeper has many bicycles in the store and wants to sell one to the farmer. He says:“Look here， farmer Jones， I have some very good bicycles to sell. I can sell you a first-class(頭等的)bicycle and you can ride around your farm on it every day.”

“Oh， no，”says the farmer，“I don’t want a bicycle， I think a cow is more in my style(按我的情況)， and the price is the same.”

“But just think，”says the store-keeper，“you can’t ride around a town on a cow. That’s foolish.”

“Oh， I don’t know，”says the farmer with a smile，“which is more foolish， to ride on a cow or to milk a bicycle”(給自行車擠奶).

注:witty 機智的，措辭巧妙的