Ｊｏｋｅｓ　ａｎｄ　Ｈｕｍｏｒ

夢　溪／編譯

A New Baby

Little Johns new baby brother was crying loudly. John asked his mom，“Where did we get him?”

His mother answered，“He came from heaven，John.”

John says，“Wow! I can see why they threw him out!”

新生兒

小約翰剛出生不久的弟弟哭得非常響亮。約翰問他的媽媽:“他是從哪兒來的?”

媽媽回答道:“他是從天堂來的，約翰。”

約翰說道:“哇!我知道他們?yōu)槭裁匆阉映鰜砹?”

Drunk

One day，a father and his little son were going home. At his age，the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.

Now，he asked，“Whats the meaning of the word ‘drunk，dad?”

“Well，my son，” his father replied，“l(fā)ook，there are two policemen standing there. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.”

“But，dad，” the boy said，“theres only ONE policeman!”

醉酒

一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有問不完的問題。

他向父親發(fā)問道:“爸爸，‘醉字是什么意思?”

“唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧，那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了。”

“可是，爸爸，”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀!”

Haircut

Two barbershops(理發(fā)店) were in hot competition(競爭). One put up a sign that read:Haircuts for seven dollars.

The other put up one that read:We repair seven dollars haircuts.

剪發(fā)

兩家理發(fā)店競爭非常激烈。其中一家掛出一個牌子，上面寫著:剪發(fā)七美元。

另一家也掛了一個牌子出來，上面寫著:我們修補(bǔ)七美元的剪發(fā)。

Frog and Doctor

A frog called a doctor. The doctor told him，“You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who wants to know everything about you.”

“Thats great! Will I meet her at a party?” asked the frog.

“No，” said the doctor. “In her biology class.”

青蛙與醫(yī)生

一只青蛙給一位醫(yī)生打電話。醫(yī)生告訴它:“你會遇到一個漂亮的女孩子，她想要知道你的一切。”

“那可太棒了!我會在聚會上遇到她嗎?”青蛙問道。

“不，”醫(yī)生說，“是在她的生物課上。”

Play the Violin

“Doctor，doctor，will I be able to play the violin after the operation(手術(shù))?”

“Yes，of course ...”

“Great! I never could before!”

拉小提琴

“醫(yī)生，醫(yī)生，手術(shù)后我能不能拉小提琴啊?”

“能，當(dāng)然能……”

“太好了!我以前從來不會拉的!”

A Choice of Weapons

Peter came home from the playground. His nose was bloody(流血的). His eyes were black and his clothes were torn. It was obvious he had been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked him what happened.

“Well，Dad，” said Peter，“I challenged(挑戰(zhàn)) Jack to a duel(決斗). You know，I gave him his choice of weapons.”

“Uh-huh，” said his father. “That seems fair.”

“I know，but I never thought hed choose his sister!”

武器的選擇

彼得從運(yùn)動場回到家里。他的鼻子流著血，眼睛青紫，衣服也被撕破了。很顯然他剛和別人打了一架而且打輸了。他爸爸便問他是怎么回事。

彼得回答道:“爸爸，我向杰克挑戰(zhàn)，和他決斗。你知道，我讓他選擇武器。”

“唔，”爸爸說道，“看起來很公平啊!”

“是的。但是，我怎么也想不到他選擇了他的妹妹做武器!”

A Dog Not Bite

One day，John was walking down the street when he saw an old man with a nice-looking dog.

He went over to the man and asked，“Does your dog bite?” The old man replied，“No，never.”

When John tried to pat(撫摸) the dog，it immediately bit his hand. John said to the old man，“You said your dog didnt bite!” “I did，” replied the old man，“but this isnt my dog!”

狗不咬人

一天，約翰走在街上，看到一位老人帶著一條非常漂亮的狗。