幽默放送

會(huì)說(shuō)話(huà)的鐘

一個(gè)學(xué)生帶他朋友們參觀(guān)他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那個(gè)大銅鑼和錘子是干什么用的？”他的一個(gè)朋友問(wèn)他。“那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個(gè)會(huì)說(shuō)話(huà)的鐘?！睂W(xué)生回答。“這鐘怎么工作的？”他的朋友問(wèn)?！翱粗瑒e眨眼了?！蹦菍W(xué)生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。突然，他們聽(tīng)到隔壁墻那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡！現(xiàn)在是凌晨?jī)牲c(diǎn)鐘！”

Talking Clock

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock." the man replied. "How's it work?"

"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

你認(rèn)識(shí)他嗎？

在朋友家的一次宴會(huì)上，主人提起一位高中時(shí)的校友。一位客人問(wèn)他讀書(shū)期間，某位副校長(zhǎng)是否也在職。

“當(dāng)然了，”主人答道。“他是我見(jiàn)過(guò)的最大的混蛋。你也認(rèn)識(shí)他嗎？”

“有點(diǎn)兒認(rèn)識(shí)，”客人回答?！拔覌寢屔现芰藿o了他?！?/p>

Did You Know Him?

At a dinner party in the home of friends, our host mentioned his high school alma mater. One of the guests asked him if he had been a student there at the same time as a particular vice principal.

"I sure was!" answered the host. "He's the biggest jerk I've ever met. Did you know him too?"

"Sort of," replied the guest. "My mother married him last Saturday."

你是怎樣來(lái)的？

一個(gè)冬天的早晨，一名雇員解釋他為什么遲到了45分鐘才起來(lái)上班?！巴饷嫣?，我每向前邁一步，就要向后退兩步?！?

老板狐疑地看著他?！班?，是嗎？那你是怎樣到這里來(lái)的？”

“后來(lái)我決定向后轉(zhuǎn)，”他說(shuō)，“于是我就往家的方向走?！?/p>

How Did You Ever Get Here

One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."

The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"

"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."

給妻子的玫瑰

一天晚上回家的路上，我看到一家花店外面有一些剛剪下來(lái)的玫瑰。我挑了一打，走進(jìn)店里，一個(gè)年輕的女售貨員跟我打了個(gè)招呼。

“先生，這些是送給你妻子的嗎？”她問(wèn)道。

“是的。”我說(shuō)。

“她的生日？”她問(wèn)。

“不是?！蔽一卮?。

“你們的結(jié)婚紀(jì)念日？”

“不是?！蔽矣执鸬馈?

當(dāng)我將找回的錢(qián)裝進(jìn)口袋，朝門(mén)口走去時(shí)，那年輕的女人沖我喊道：“希望她能原諒你?！?/p>

Roses for My Wife

On the way home one night, I spotted some fresh-cut roses outside a florist's shop. After selecting a dozen and entering the shop, I was greeted by a young saleswoman.

"Are these for your wife, sir?" she asked.

"Yes," I said.

"For her birthday?" she asked.

"No," I replied.

"For your anniversary?"

"No," I said again.

As I pocketed my change and headed toward the door, the young woman called out, "I hope she forgives you."

腦筋急轉(zhuǎn)彎：

1. 什么東西的出產(chǎn)期和保質(zhì)期在同一天？

2. 什么上邊是毛，下邊是毛，一動(dòng)就毛貼毛呢？……