Ｊｏｋｅｓ　ａｎｄ　Ｈｕｍｏｒ

小　溪／編譯

But The Teacher Cried

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it，but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted something，he either cried or threw a tantrum. Then came his first day of school，his first day away from his grandmothers loving arms.

When he came home from school，his grandma met him at the door.

“Was school all right？” she asked. “Did you get along all right？ Did you cry？”

“Cry？” John asked. “No，I didnt cry，but the teacher did！”

可是老師哭了

六歲的約翰嬌生慣養(yǎng)。他的父親知道這一點(diǎn)，可他的奶奶仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他奶奶。他想要什么時(shí)，不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學(xué)時(shí)才離開奶奶。

約翰放學(xué)了，他奶奶在門口接到他并問他：“學(xué)校怎么樣？你過得好嗎？哭了沒有？”

“哭？”約翰問。“沒有，我沒哭，可老師哭了。”

The Cheapskates Party

The notorious cheapskate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment，he said，“Come up to the 5th floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens，push with your foot.”

“Why use my elbow and foot？”

“Well，” was the reply. “Youre not coming empty-handed，are you？”

吝嗇鬼請客

一個(gè)出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他的家時(shí)說：“你上到五樓，然后用你的肘按門鈴。門開了之后，再用你的腳把門推開。”

“為什么要用我的肘和腳呢？”

“你的雙手得拿禮物啊。你總不會空著手來吧？”吝嗇鬼回答道。

I Live Just around the Corner

Teacher：Be sure that you go straight home.

Pupil：I cant. I live just around the corner！

我住在拐角處

老師：務(wù)必直接回家啊。

學(xué)生：不行，我住在拐角處。

A Clever Boy

Mother：Its too late，darling. Stop watching TV or youll be late for school tomorrow morning.

Son：If you keep watching it，youll be late for work，too.

Mother：But I can ask for a sick leave if I cant get up early tomorrow.

Son：And I can ask for leave，too，because my mother is ill and I must take good care of her at home.

聰明的男孩

媽媽：太晚了，親愛的。不要看電視了，不然明天早晨你上學(xué)會遲到的。

兒子：如果你還看電視，媽媽，你上班也會遲到的。

媽媽：可是如果我明天不能早起，我可以請病假啊。

兒子：我也可以請假，因?yàn)閶寢尣×耍冶仨氃诩液煤谜疹櫵?/p>

Great News

Ted：Great news！ The teacher said wed have a test today，rain or shine！

Ned：Whats so great about that？

Ted：Its snowing！

重大新聞

特得：重大新聞！老師說今天不論是晴天還是雨天都要測驗(yàn)！

納得：這算什么重大新聞？

特得：下雪啦！

I Wasnt Listening

A little girl was reading a book when her mother asked her，“What are you reading，dear？”

“I dont know，” the little girl answered.

“You dont know？ But you were reading aloud，so you must know.”

“I was reading aloud，mummy，but I wasnt listening，” explained the child.

我沒有在聽

女兒在讀書。媽媽問：“親愛的，你在讀什么？”

“我不知道，”小女孩回答道。

“你不知道？你不是在朗讀嗎，你應(yīng)該知道的。”

女兒解釋說：“我是在朗讀，媽媽，可我并沒有在聽啊！”

I Didnt Notice

A man in prison asked the new comer why he was sent there. The new comer answered，“I am out of luck，I think. A few days ago，I was walking in the street when I saw a piece of dirty rope. I thought nobody wanted it，so I picked it up.”

“But it is not against the law to pick up a piece of rope and take it home！”

“I told you I had bad luck，didnt I？” the man sighed. “The trouble is that I didnt notice there was a dog at the other end of that rope.”

我沒注意

監(jiān)獄里，一個(gè)犯人問一個(gè)新來的犯人為什么被關(guān)進(jìn)來。新來的犯人說：“我想我真是倒霉。幾天前，我在街上走的時(shí)候，看到一根臟繩子，以為沒人要了，便撿了起來。”

“但是撿根繩子帶回家并不犯法啊！”

“我沒告訴過你我有多倒霉嗎？”那個(gè)人嘆著氣說道，“問題是我沒有注意到繩子的另一端拴著一條狗。”

Robbed

A teller had just been robbed for the third time by the same man，and the police officer was asking if he had noticed anything special about the robber.

“Yes，” said the teller. “He seems to be better dressed each time.”

被搶

一位銀行出納員已經(jīng)被同一個(gè)人搶劫三次了，警官問他是否注意到這名罪犯的特征。

“有啊，”出納員說，“他似乎穿得一次比一次好。”

Foretell Things Accurately

Mary：Do you think that we have one person who can foretell things as accurately as Zhu Geliang in the world？

Mark：Of course！ My mother！

Mary：Really？

Mark：Dont you believe？ I took the report card home yesterday. My mother took a glimpse at the score，and said to me，“Be careful. Your father will be back home to hit you.” She is right. Father came back and indeed hit me.

料事如神

瑪麗：你說世上真有像諸葛亮一樣料事如神的人嗎？

馬克：怎么沒有？我媽媽就是。

瑪麗：真的？

馬克：你不信？我昨天拿成績單回家，媽媽朝我的成績單掃了一眼，然后對我說：“當(dāng)心你爸爸回來揍你。”她說對了。爸爸回來后，果然揍了我一頓。

He Knew Too Much

A boy said to his mother：“Ive decided to stop studying.”

“How come？” asked the mother.

“I heard on the news that someone was shot dead in Italy because he knew too much.”

他知道得太多

一個(gè)小男孩對他媽媽說：“我決定不讀書了。”

“為什么呢？”媽媽問道。

“我聽新聞報(bào)道說，有人在意大利被槍殺了，因?yàn)樗赖锰嗔恕！?/p>

The Longest Sentence

Teacher：I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.

Pupil：Life imprisonment！

最長的句子

老師：請告訴我你能想起來的最長的句子。

學(xué)生：終生監(jiān)禁！