我為何而活

Three passions， simple but overwhelmingly strong， have governed my life: the longing for love， the search for knowledge， and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions， like great winds， have blown me hither and thither， in a wayward course， over a deep ocean of anguish， reaching to the verge of despair.

I have sought love， first， because it brings ecstasy — ecstasy so great that I would have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it， next， because it relieves loneliness — that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it， finally， because in the union of love I have seen， in a mystic miniature， the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought， and though it might seem too good for human life， this is what — at last — I have found.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of men， I have wished to know why the stars shine. And I have tried to apprehend the Pythagorean power by which number holds away above the flux. A little of this， but not much， I have achieved.

Love and knowledge， so far as they were possible， led upward toward the heavens. But always pity brought me back to earth. Echoes of cries of pain reverberated in my heart. Children in famine， victims tortured by oppressors， helpless old people a hated burden to their sons， and the whole world of loneliness， poverty， and pain make a mockery of what human life should be. I long to alleviate the evil， but I cannot， and I too suffer.

This has been my life. I have found it worth living and I would gladly live again if the chance were offered to me.

3種簡(jiǎn)單卻極其強(qiáng)烈的情感主宰著我的生活：對(duì)愛(ài)的渴望、對(duì)知識(shí)的追求、對(duì)人類痛苦的難以承受的憐憫之心。這3種情感，像一陣陣颶風(fēng)一樣，任意地將我吹得飄來(lái)蕩去，越過(guò)痛苦的海洋，抵達(dá)絕望的彼岸。

我尋找愛(ài)，首先，因?yàn)樗钊诵淖砩衩裕@種沉醉是如此美妙，以至于我愿意用余生來(lái)?yè)Q取那幾個(gè)小時(shí)的快樂(lè)。我尋找愛(ài)，其次是因?yàn)樗鼤?huì)減輕孤獨(dú)，置身于那種可怕的孤獨(dú)中，顫抖的靈魂在世界的邊緣，看到冰冷的、死寂的、無(wú)底深淵。我尋找愛(ài)，還因?yàn)樵趷?ài)水乳交融時(shí)，在一個(gè)神秘的縮影中，我見(jiàn)到了先賢和詩(shī)人們所想象的、預(yù)覽的天堂。 這就是我所追求的，盡管對(duì)于凡人來(lái)說(shuō)，這好像是一種奢望。但這是我最終找到的。

我曾以同樣的熱情來(lái)追求知識(shí)。我希望能理解人類的心靈，希望能知道為什么星星會(huì)發(fā)光。我也曾經(jīng)努力理解畢達(dá)哥拉斯學(xué)派的理論，他們認(rèn)為數(shù)字主載著萬(wàn)物的此消彼長(zhǎng)。我了解了一點(diǎn)知識(shí)，但是不多。

愛(ài)和知識(shí)，可以最大可能地將人帶入天堂?？墒牵瑧z憫總是將我?guī)Щ氐孛?。人們因痛苦而發(fā)出的哭聲在我心中久久回響，那些饑荒中的孩子們，被壓迫者摧殘的受害者們，被子女視為可憎負(fù)擔(dān)的、無(wú)助的老人們，以及那無(wú)處不在的孤單、貧窮和無(wú)助都在諷刺著人類所本應(yīng)該有的生活。我渴望能夠消除人世間的邪惡，可是力不從心，我自己也同樣遭受著它們的折磨。

這就是我的生活。我覺(jué)得活一場(chǎng)是值得的。如果給我機(jī)會(huì)的話，我愿意開(kāi)心地，再活一次。

◆編輯：夏天兒