我很好

We knew right from the start that Johnny was going to be a soldier. Even as a child， all his concentration was on the military. So we weren't surprised when he joined the Marines right out of high school.

從一開始我們就知道約翰要當兵。小時候，他全部的注意力都是軍隊。所以對他高中沒畢業就去參軍這事，我們都沒感到驚訝。

Johnny excelled in his chosen career. He was so happy to be serving his country. I could see it in his face every time he came home on leave. He was itching to get into some \"real action\"， something that —as a mother— frightened me. He was my only son， and I didn't want to lose him. But he was also a grown man with a wife and a baby on the way. I was very proud of the way he was living his life.

約翰對自己所選擇的職業很有優越感。他很高興能為自己的國家服務。我能從他每次回家后的臉上看出來。他非常渴望能夠參加“真正的行動”，這些——作為一個母親——讓我感到害怕。他是我唯一的兒子，我不想失去他。但他是個成年人，有自己的妻子，還有一個即將出生的孩子。我對他現在的生活感到很驕傲。

Then came the terrible day in September when everything in our world changed. I knew as soon as I saw events unfolding on the television that Johnny was going to get the action he craved. And I started praying: \"Please God， keep him safe.\"

9月份，這可怕的一天終于來了，我的世界也隨之改變。我很快就從電視上看到約翰要去執行任務的報道，那是他自己要求的。從那以后我就開始祈禱：“請求上帝，保佑他的安全。”

Johnny went to the Middle East and I started sending weekly care packages and checking my email several times a day. The tone of his communications was always cheerful， if a little strained. He was in danger many times， but somehow he always made it through unscathed， although he lost a few friends along the way. This deepened him and I saw a new maturity in my son that made an already proud mother even prouder.

約翰去了中東，我開始每周給他郵包裹，每天幾次地去查郵箱。他的語氣總是很興奮，沒有一點點的緊張。有很多次他都很危險，而且失去了幾個朋友，但是不知道為什么，他總是能化險為夷。這一切讓他成熟了很多，我看到了一個新的成熟的兒子，這也使一個以他為驕傲的母親更驕傲了。

My relief was intense when Johnny came home. I ran to him and almost knocked him over in my excitement when he stepped out of the car. He hugged me tightly， and then reached into the backseat to remove his little daughter from her car seat and show her off to us.

約翰回來的時候我又激動又緊張，他剛從車上下來，我就興奮地跑過去，差點把他撞倒。他緊緊地擁抱我，然后去后座把他的小女兒領下車，把她介紹給我們。

I tried to conceal my fear when he told us a few months later that he would be going back to the Middle East. But Johnny knew me pretty well. On his last leave before deployment， he took my hand， kissed me on the cheek， and said: \"I love you， Mom. We'll be together again real soon.\" I held back the tears until he was gone. Then I wept like a child.

當他告訴我們幾個月之后他將再次回到中東時，我盡力隱藏我的恐懼。但是這都瞞不過約翰。就在他要走的那天，他拉著我的手，吻我的臉頰，說：“我愛你，媽媽。我們很快就會再見面的。”我一直控制著眼淚，直到他離開，然后哭得像個孩子。

Johnny's e-mails on this trip were sporadic and his tone was grim. Things were tough over there， although he did not say much about it. He just spoke of little things like the rapid growth of his beautiful girl and the many activities of the wonderful woman who was her mother and his wife.

這次，約翰的郵件很少，而且語氣都很嚴肅。當地的形勢很艱難，盡管他只字未提。他只提一些小事，比如，他漂亮女兒飛速成長的一些瑣事，和孩子的媽媽、他的妻子，一個出色女人所做的一些事。

One night， late in August， I awoke from a deep sleep， certain that I had heard Johnny's voice.

8月份的一個夜里，我在熟睡中驚醒，我確定聽到了約翰的聲音。

\"Mom，\" Johnny said again.

“媽媽，”約翰又叫了一聲。

I turned over and blinked in the dim light coming from the streetlamp outside our window. Johnny was standing beside the bed， gazing down on me tenderly. I sat up immediately.

我轉過身，借著從窗外映進來的模糊的燈光。約翰就站在我的床邊，溫和地看著我。我立刻坐了起來。

\"Johnny，\" I gasped.

“約翰，”我氣喘著說。

He smiled and sat down beside me， as he had often done when he was little. He took my hand and said: \"I want you to know how much I appreciate you and Dad. It couldn't have been easy， raising a head-strong boy like me， but you did a wonderful job.\"

他笑著坐在我旁邊，這是他小時候經常做的事。他握著我的手說：“我想讓你知道，我是多么的感激你和爸爸。撫養我這樣一個任性的兒子是多么的不容易，但是你們卻做得很好。”

Johnny's words filled me with a great joy and a terrible fear. Tears sprang to my eyes. He gently wiped one away with his finger. \"I came to tell you that I am all right. Take care of my girls for me.\"

約翰的話讓我感到很偉大又很害怕，眼淚溢出雙眼。他溫柔地拭去我的眼淚。“我來是告訴你，我很好。替我照顧好我的女兒們。”

\"We will，\" I managed to say， realizing at last what this visit meant.

我設法說：“我們會的。”最后意識到他來的真正意思。

\"I love you， Mom. We'll be together again real soon，\" Johnny said. He leaned forward， kissed me on the cheek， and then he was gone.

“我愛你，媽媽，我們很快會再在一起的，”約翰說。他站起來，親吻我的臉頰，然后消失不見。

I fell back against the pillows， too stunned even to weep. My husband， who was a heavy sleeper， woke when he felt the bed jerk. He rolled over and mumbled: \"Are you all right?\"

我重重地躺下，嚇得哭了起來。我丈夫睡得很沉，床劇烈地顫動，他才醒來，轉過身問：“你怎么了？”

\"Something has happened to Johnny，\" I said， too grief-stricken to be tactful. \"I think he's dead.\"

“約翰出事了，”我說，因極度悲傷而很警覺。“我覺得他死了。”

My husband jerked awake. \"What?!\" he exclaimed fearfully.

我丈夫完全嚇醒了。“什么？”他驚恐地喊著。

I started sobbing then， and told him about Johnny's visit. We held each other close for the rest of that long night， waiting for dawn and the news which would surely come with it.

我開始哭泣，告訴他剛才約翰來的事。我們相擁度過那漫長的黑夜，等待黎明的到來，那時就知道事情的真相了。

The days following the official notification of Johnny's death—killed in action in the Middle East —were mind-numbing. I clung to the words my boy had spoken to me in the moments right after he died. Johnny had said he was all right， and I believed him. My son's body was gone， but his essence， his soul， everything that made him my Johnny was safe and well. And we would be together again real soon.

在接下來的日子里，關于約翰死亡的正式通知很快就到了——在中東的一次行動中遇害——確認死亡。我一直靠兒子死前的那句話支撐著自己。約翰說過他很好，我相信他。我兒子的身體消失了，可他的意識還在，他的靈魂還在，這一切都使他很安全，很好。我們很快就會再在一起的。

◆編輯：劉芳