增添視角，豐富續寫內容

彭向梅

【問題導讀】

在讀后續寫過程中，學生們很容易忽略視角在讀后續寫中的作用。視角是指通過從不同角度描述事件或情境，使故事或敘述更加豐富和立體。這能夠幫助學生們更全面地理解故事的情境和角色的動機，從而增強故事的吸引力和說服力。但在寫作過程中，學生們如果不能理解和運用增添視角的微技能，這可能會導致續寫的故事出現以下幾種問題：

1. 故事維度單一

故事可能會局限在單一的視角，通常是主角的視角，這樣的故事缺乏深度，可能無法充分展示不同人物之間的互動和沖突。

2. 角色缺乏深度

如果沒有運用多角度視角，故事中的角色可能會顯得平面和單調，角色的情感、動機和背景可能不夠豐富，導致角色缺乏真實感和吸引力。

3. 情感共鳴受限

故事的情感層次可能會受到限制，單一的視角難以充分表達人物復雜的情感和心理狀態，從而減弱讀者的情感共鳴和故事的感染力。

4. 缺乏新穎性和創造性

故事可能會因為缺乏不同的視角和新的解讀而顯得陳舊，增添視角可以帶來新的思考和創造性的故事元素。

5. 信息和背景不全面

故事可能無法全面展示事件的多方面信息和相關背景，特別是在涉及復雜情境或多方利益沖突時。不同視角可以幫助揭示故事的全貌，提供更全面的理解。

【名師導學】

增添視角的微技能在小說、故事等類型的寫作中很常見。例如，在寫小說時，作者可能會先從主角的視角描述事件，然后切換到其他角色的視角，展示他們對同一事件的不同理解和感受。增添視角的微技能既可以運用到前文的閱讀分析中，也可以運用到情節預測的準備過程中。在三大主題語境中，學生都可以運用視角意識，通過增添視角，豐富寫作內容。

人與社會主題：在人與社會主題的讀后續寫中，增添視角可能涉及對社會現象的多維度理解，如通過分析社會成員的不同經歷和背景來展現社會問題的多面性。

人與自我主題：在人與自我主題的讀后續寫中，增添視角能夠通過展示主角的內心矛盾、成長過程或自我認知的變化來豐富故事。

人與自然主題：在人與自然主題的讀后續寫中，增添視角能夠通過描寫不同人物與自然的互動和體驗來揭示自然的多樣性和人類對自然的不同態度。

【案例導引】

閱讀下面短文，根據所給情節進行續寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。

Once there lived a girl named Melanie. The little girl was living with a dream. Shewanted to be a ballet dancer. Her body was very flexible and she had a strong willpower.Melanie＇s parents never knew of the great dancing skills their daughter had until one day，they saw the little girl dancing with the beautiful steps of a ballerina.

“Isn＇t it strange？ Melanie is dancing so well without any formal training！”her mother said.

“We must give her ballet lessons to help her improve her skills，”her father said.

The following day， Melanie＇s parents took her to a local dance training school. Theteacher asked Melanie to dance. The little girl was happy and showed some of her favoritedance steps. However， the teacher didn＇t seem interested in her performance.

“That＇s OK. You can leave now！”the teacher said.

Melanie was shocked to hear this. So were her parents. They couldn＇t believe their ears.“

“The girl is common. She does not have the possibility to become a ballerina，”the dance teacher said.“Don＇t let her waste her time dreaming of becoming a dancer.”

Disappointed， Melanie and her parents returned home. Tears rolled down Melanie＇sface. Her dream was broken within a matter of minutes. Without confidence， Melanienever attempted to dance again. She completed her studies and went on to become ateacher in school. Life was good and she kept herself busy with family and work. However，whenever she happened to pass the school＇s ballet room， memories of childhood dreamsdanced before her eyes. This time she met an unacquainted yet different ballet teacher，who would inspire others to pursue their dreams.

注意：續寫詞數應為150左右。

Paragraph 1：

One day， the ballet teacher at her school was late._____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph 2：

“What a performance， Melanie！ You are a true ballerina！”said the ballet teacher entering the classroom.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

一、故事梳理

本故事圍繞Melanie展開，她自幼夢想成為芭蕾舞者。她盡管天生具有舞蹈天賦，卻因一次失敗的舞蹈學習經歷而放棄了夢想。多年后，作為一名教師的她，在學校意外地與芭蕾舞重新有了交集，這喚醒了她對舞蹈的熱愛。我們可以使用視角分析法，梳理前文情節線和感情線。

二、語言分析

現在使用視角分析微技能對前文語言進行分析。

Melanie 的視角：

原文：Without confidence， Melanie never attempted to dance again. 由于缺乏自信，Melanie再也沒有嘗試過跳舞。

分析： 這句話反映了Melanie內心的失望和挫敗感，描述了她在遭到否定后放棄夢想的情感狀態。

父母的視角：

原文：“Isnt it strange？ Melanie is dancing so well without any formal tranining！”hermother said.“這是不是很奇怪？Melanie沒有受過任何正規訓練都跳舞跳得很好！”她的母親說道。

“We must give her ballet lessons to help her improve her skills，”her father said.“我們必須給她上芭蕾舞課，以幫助她提高技能?！彼母赣H說道。

分析：這兩句話體現了父母對Melanie的天賦的認可和支持以及他們對女兒未來的期望和關心。

以前的舞蹈老師的視角：

原文：“The girl is common. She does not have the possibility to become a ballerina，”the dance teacher said.“這個女孩很普通。她沒有成為芭蕾舞者的可能。”舞蹈老師說道。

分析：這句話表現出了以前的舞蹈老師對Melanie的舞蹈天賦的誤解和嚴苛的評價。

視角微技能還可以輔助故事預測。

Melanie 的未來視角：

預測：Melanie might rediscover her passion for ballet and achieve success despiteinitial setbacks. 盡管最初的挫折，Melanie可能會重新發現她對芭蕾舞的熱情，并取得成功。

分析：這種預測反映了對Melanie的內在韌性和潛力的積極看法，表明她可能會克服早期的失敗，實現她的夢想。

父母的期望視角：

預測：Her parents may continue to support and encourage her， hoping she will pursueher dream again. 她的父母可能會繼續支持和鼓勵她，希望她再次追求她的夢想。

分析：這種預測體現了父母對Melanie 的堅定的支持和對她未來能夠成功的信心。

新舞蹈老師的視角：

預測：The dance teacher， observing Melanies talent， suggested Melanie join advanced classes. 舞蹈老師發現了Melanie的舞蹈天賦，并建議她參加高級舞蹈課程。

分析：這種預測暗示了新舞蹈老師對Melanie才能的發現與肯定。

三、常用招式

1. 借助動物視角，讓環境由靜變動

原文：She sat down on the park bench and began to read her new book. 她在公園的長椅上坐下，開始讀她的新書。

增添視角：從公園的鳥兒視角來看，在附近的一棵樹上，一只鳥看著這個女人在公園的長椅上坐下，打開她的新書。它飛去，然后加入了同伴之中。

In a nearby tree， a bird watched as the woman settled down on the park benchand opened her new book. It flew off to join its companions.

2. 借助道具視角，豐富人物內心

原文：He shot hard on the basketball court， hoping to win the game. 他在籃球場上奮力投籃，希望能贏得比賽。

增添視角：從籃球的視角來看，這是一種強有力的動作——被抓住并被投向籃球筐，這種力量說明了球員贏得比賽的決心。

The basketball was snatched up and then launched towards the hoop， with a forcethat spoke of the players determination to win the game.

3. 借助他人視角，增強感受描寫

原文：They were enjoying their dinner in the restaurant， talking and laughing. 他們在餐廳里享受著晚餐，有說有笑。

增添視角：從服務員的視角來看，服務員正端著一盤菜，不禁注意到坐在角落里桌子旁的那群人。他們正享受著晚餐，笑聲在餐廳里回蕩，這讓他的長時間輪班不那么累了。

The waiter， balancing a tray of dishes， couldnt help but notice the group at the cor?ner table. They were enjoying their dinner， their laughter echoing around the restaurant，making his long shift a little more bearable.

【參考范文】

（加黑部分體現了增添視角的微技能）

Paragraph 1：

One day， the ballet teacher at her school was late. Melanie was asked to keep an eye on the girls so that they would behave themselves. Once inside the ballet room， all her oldmemories flooded back. She couldn＇t control herself anymore. She found herself demon?strating a few ballet steps to the girls. The children watched in awe， their eyes re?flecting a mix of surprise and admiration. Her inner struggle seemed to vanish witheach step she took， as she rediscovered the joy she once found in dance.

Paragraph 2：

“What a perfect dance， Melanie！ You are a true ballerina！”said the ballet teacherentering the classroom. This unexpected praise was a gift to her wounded spirit. Herparents， who had arrived to pick her up， stood at the door， their faces beaming withpride. Their support for their daughter and recognition of her talent were evident. Thedance teacher， observing Melanie＇s talent， suggested Melanie join advanced classes.This moment marked a new beginning for Melanie， not only relighting her passionbut also healing old wounds and fulfilling her long?cherished dream.

【模擬導練】

閱讀下面短文，根據所給情節進行續寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。

When I was a young boy， my mother would place spoonfuls of vegetables onto myplate whether I wanted them or not and the rule in our family was that we always had toclean our plates. However， I rarely saw my mother eat the vegetables herself. She alwaysserved us first. She seemed never hungry.

She worked for a rich lady in town， and I always assumed that the reason why shedidn＇t have our tasteless meals was that she had eaten meats and sweets in the rich lady＇skitchen. Our meals were boring， and there was never enough since there were ten of us—my parents plus eight children.

One afternoon my older sisters were sick， so they couldn＇t take care of me. Therefore，my mother had no choice but to bring me with her. It was a long winter day and as myfather hadn＇t had much work， we had even less food than usual. So I was very excited to goto the rich lady＇s house.

My mother placed me in a corner while she rolled out pie crust （餅皮）. Then shecooked some meat， and by the afternoon， the pleasant smell filled the kitchen and wasmaking its way into my empty stomach. Then， a bell rang in the kitchen and my mothertold me“Don＇t move”and then left.

I tried to do as told， but then I thought it wouldn＇t matter if I ate just one blackberry.So I put a single blackberry into my mouth. What an explosion of flavor！ The wonderfultaste hitting my empty stomach was more than I could handle！ It wasn＇t until I was staringat the empty bowl that I noticed the empty， unbaked pie crust sitting on the table waitingfor the berries. I looked around for more berries， but there was none. Suddenly， I heard foot?steps approaching， so I quickly hid into the cupboard.

注意：續寫詞數應為150左右。

Paragraph 1：

Just at the moment， my mother entered the kitchen， following a well?dressed lady._____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph 2：

After the lady left， I crept （爬行） out of the cupboard with tears streaming down my face._____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

【評價導思】

1. 在我的續寫中，增加小男孩和母親的視角對故事情節和感情描寫產生了哪些影響？這種視角變化是否能讓故事的情感層次更加豐富？

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2. 這種視角增加是如何幫助展現故事中的主要沖突和解決過程的？它是否影響了讀者對故事情節和角色動機的理解？

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3. 增加的視角是否有效地增強了故事的吸引力？這些視角是否使讀者有新的思考或者對角色及其行動有更深入的理解？

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