Clarify Your Needs, Improve Your Advocacy Skills

In the book， the author addresses the issues of fear and inability to advocate， clarifying the importance of advocacy skills. The book delves deeply into the cornerstone of these skills — “trust，” and distills three fundamental tactics to help readers grasp them.

The book provides practical guidance on how to develop these core competencies， helping readers think clearly， communicate effectively， resolve conflicts， and achieve cooperation.

Wen Ya

Wen Ya spent the first eight years of her career at three top industry enterprises： Ogilvy， JD.com， and Edelman， focusing on digital communication. Later， in 2017， she founded the boutique management consulting studio “Wen Zhong Consulting，” providing services in brand strategy， crisis management， and efficient collaboration for innovative companies.

Zhong Jiawei

Zhong Jiawei is currently the senior vice president of Edelman China and co-chairs the Marketing and Communication Committee of AmCham China. He is a young expert in the field of corporate communication and reputation management in China and a column writer for the academic journal International Public Relations.

Identifying ones needs might seem simple， but reflecting on our experiences in work and life related to advocacy reveals an interesting phenomenon： What we desperately want often eludes us， whereas things we do not fight for often turn out to be more important and useful.

For example， everyone wants rapid promotions and pay raises， and everyone wants their significant other to be more agreeable to their wishes in life， but these are often not easy to obtain. On the contrary， better project opportunities and more flexible work styles， which are truly important for career development and experience， are seldom pursued with intention. Similarly， deeper and smoother communication with partners or family members and more respectful and interactive ways of coexistence are also rarely sought after.

Often， our unhappiness stems from not getting what we want， but how many of us truly know what we want？

Why is this？ The reason is simple yet sad： we do not really know what we want. To put it more completely， before advocating or negotiating， we do not understand what is truly meaningful for our growth and happiness， nor the various forms these can take. Not understanding the essence and scope of our desires directly leads to our inability to advocate effectively， consider the interests of both or multiple parties， and creatively pursue a third option. As a result， many people， despite their eagerness to advocate and their enthusiasm for it， often fail to achieve their goals， and the process leaves them unhappy.

Of course， the flip side of advocacy is letting go. Those who know how to advocate also know how to let go. But true letting go is not about giving up with resentment but about proactively and selectively letting go， slowing down， and relinquishing. To reach such a mature state， one needs to discern between true and false needs.

So， let our practice of advocacy and negotiation begin with understanding the basic question of “What do we really want.” Behind this lies much philosophical and human nature contemplation， but we might as well use the frequently employed business term “interest” to train our thinking about what we want.

Interest： What You Want May Not Be What You Truly Need

Advocate for Things That Truly Have a Positive Impact on You

Interest， as defined by the dictionary， is something that has a positive impact on a person or object. Although it sounds cold， whether in negotiation or advocacy， isnt the ultimate goal to seek what positively impacts us？

For a more intuitive understanding， lets consider a commonly cited case in negotiation practice， also mentioned in Chapter 2 when explaining “the third option.”

In a library， two people are arguing： Person A wants to open the window， and Person B wants it closed. Both are trying to compromise on the degree to which the window is opened， but neither is willing to budge. Then， the library manager arrives and asks why they want the window open or closed. The first person replies， wanting to open the window for fresh air. The second person responds， concerned about the strong wind outside and the possibility of a draft. After listening， the library manager opened another window in the next room， satisfying both the first persons need for fresh air and the second persons concern about drafts.

This example is classic. It vividly illustrates what we should truly strive for in negotiations： the things that genuinely have a positive impact on us， though their forms may not necessarily match our initial expectations.

Why say this？ This is because， without deliberate training， many people are unable to differentiate between two key concepts behind gaining benefits： One is “want，” and the other is “need.” This may sound abstract， so lets explain it using the above example：

Person A wants to open the window， while Person B wants it closed. Person As “want” is to open the window; Person Bs “want” is to close it. Whether to open or close， both are what A and B intuitively want to achieve immediately.

“Need” is what you essentially require. For instance： Why does A want to open the window？ Its because they need fresh air; this is As “need.” Why does B want to close the window？ Its because they want to avoid drafts; this is Bs “need.”

“Want” and “need” have a significant difference.

“Want” is something that instinctively and intuitively appeals to you， like most peoples want to hear compliments， receive praise， do less housework， and hope to earn money， gain fame， and be recognized. “Need” is something that satisfies your long-term， fundamental requirements but might not be something you are currently aware of. For example， abilities like time management， structured thinking， and securing quality projects at work， or the ability to maintain openness and exploration， communicate with family， or create are key to personal development and happiness.

“Want” and “need” are a set of easy-to-understand mental tools that can help you understand the concept of “interest，” mentioned in almost all negotiation courses. “Interest” is actually “need，” reflecting the core interest demands behind superficial “wants.” It has three characteristics： essential， holistic， and long-term. These three characteristics constitute a positive impact.

Having understood the underlying logic， have you noticed that many people often mistake their “want” for “need” or are too fixated on “want” to truly explore their “need？” For example， in a marital argument， theres often a desire to prove oneself right， but is proving oneself right a true need？ Most of the time， its not. In work， many negotiations are about whos louder or stronger， aiming to talk the other party down， but does this kind of victory align with ones true needs？ Most likely， it doesnt.

In the process of negotiation or advocacy， the most direct surface-level “want” is usually “to win the argument，” but what is the real “need，” the interest demand？

Of course， distinguishing between “want” and “need” doesnt mean we only pursue “needs” and ignore “wants，” which is unrealistic in practice， both for ourselves and others. A typical example is that， in advocacy and negotiation， everyone wants and needs to be polite and considerate in their expressions rather than starting confrontationally with demands and conflicts. This reflects the “three essentials” of reasoning， strength， and emotion in negotiation， which we will elaborate on later in the content about communication.

Learning to Advocate： How to Gain More Resources and Support

Wen Ya， Zhong Jiawei

Tsinghua University Press

November 2023

68.00 （CNY）