利用細節描寫，塑造人物形象

廣東 龍艷琴

【問題導讀】

讀后續寫要求學生在閱讀完材料后，根據要求和提示句把文章未寫完的部分補充完整，使之構成一個完整的故事。因此，從某種意義上來說，讀后續寫就是寫一篇微型小說。對于作為小說基本要素之一的“人物”，我們可以從多個角度進行描寫，從而達到塑造人物性格、展現人物形象的目的。在學生的讀后續寫中，往往存在敘述過多、缺少描寫的問題，這導致續寫的故事不夠形象生動，而更像是流水賬。

【名師導學】

在讀后續寫中要塑造生動逼真的人物形象，離不開細節描寫。描寫不同于敘述，它是通過細節的刻畫來展現人物的思想、性格和價值觀。細節描寫的維度包括人物描寫和環境描寫等。人物描寫又可以具體分為外貌描寫、動作描寫、對話描寫和心理描寫。環境描寫則包含場景描寫和自然環境描寫。

【案例導引】

閱讀下面材料，根據其內容和所給段落開頭語續寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的短文。

My hearing aid was a box that was tied to my shoulders and hung from my neck. I carried it because when I was young, I became deaf. After consulting with a lot of educational experts, doctors and parents of other deaf children, my parents decided to send me to a school where all of my classmates and teachers would have normal hearing, instead of sending me to a private school for the deaf. So I was the only deaf child at Blue Creek Elementary School.

I experienced great anxiety throughout elementary school because, in addition to the problems of fitting in with the other students, I also struggled with most of my schoolwork. I seemed to spend every spare moment doing homework just so I could keep up. I could feel that my parents and teachers were deeply disappointed in me because of my academic struggles. The teachers didn't know what to do with me nor did they show much interest in any of my poor performances.

My hearing disability required me to ask everyone from time to time, “What did he or she say?” I worried that everyone would soon grow tired of repeating everything back to me.When the kids made fun of me, I had no way but to accept it. I was sure that I was a bad person; my self-esteem (自尊心) was quite low. I saw myself as an ugly kid wearing a box around his neck who wasn't even smart enough to keep up with the rest of the other kids.

Mrs Jordan, my 5th grade teacher, changed all of that with a simple two-word phrase.One morning, she asked the class a question. I read her lips from my front-row seat and immediately raised my hand. I couldn't believe it—for once I knew the answer.

注意：續寫詞數應為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

But, when she called on me, I was afraid.

Paragraph 2:

For the first time in my young life, I was a star in my class.

文本解讀

一、厘清語篇要素，為人物刻畫奠定基礎

本文的故事梗概：有聽力障礙的“我”上了一所普通學校，除了生活上的不便，在學業上“我”也遇到了比正常孩子更多的困難——被同學嘲笑，遭老師冷落，讓父母失望，直到遇見喬丹老師，才出現轉機。

1. 基本要素梳理

內容Mrs Jordan and I_____________________________________________________________one morning_________________________________________________________________in the classroom I knew the answer to Mrs Jordan's question but I was afraid to speak out the answer.________I was the only deaf child in the school and both my parents and teachers were________disappointed with me.要素__W____ho_Whe___n Where__Wh____at Why

2. 故事情節分析

二、抓住人物性格特點，助力續寫時人物刻畫的協同

根據文章以下描述“When I was young, I became deaf.”“I experienced great anxiety throughout elementary school.”“I also struggled with most of my schoolwork. I could feel that my parents and teachers were deeply disappointed in me.”“I worried that everyone would soon grow tired of repeating everything back to me. When the kids made fun of me, I had no way but to accept it. I was sure that I was a bad person; my self-esteem was quite low. I saw myself as an ugly kid wearing a box around his neck who wasn't even smart enough to keep up with the rest of the other kids.”可知，故事的主人公在遇到喬丹老師之前，是一個被同學嘲笑、遭老師冷落、讓父母失望的有聽力障礙的孩子。

三、利用細節描寫塑造人物形象

根據續寫部分第一段的段首句“But, when she called on me, I was afraid.”，并綜合前文對人物的性格分析，我們可以推斷出續寫部分第一段的內容應為“我”站起來回答老師問題前的害怕和焦慮，以及同學們和老師對此的反應。因此，為了與前文人物性格保持一致，我們可以用細節描寫的方式對人物的動作和心理進行刻畫，如在描寫“我”站起來回答問題前的情景時，可用以下句子刻畫人物內心緊張和害怕的心理：

1. My head was sweating and my heart was pounding. （動作和心理描寫）

2. I froze on my seat, still and trembling. （動作和心理描寫）

在描寫喬丹老師對“我”的鼓勵時，我們可用以下句子刻畫喬丹老師的善良和對學生的耐心：

3. She wore a sweet smile on her face, nodding and signaling me to reply. （動作描寫）

在老師的鼓勵下，“我”終于鼓起勇氣站起來，我們可用以下句子描寫主人公的變化和成長：

4. With her encouragement, I stood up slowly and offered my answer. （動作描寫）

在“我”回答問題之后，我們可用以下句子描寫老師的反應并進行人物刻畫：

5. “Good job,” said Mrs Jordan with amazement and delight. （語言描寫）

該句更直觀地體現了喬丹老師的善良，同時也很好地銜接了前文的“Mrs Jordan...changed all of that with a simple two-word phrase.”。

在“我”回答問題之后，我們可用以下句子描寫同學們的反應并進行人物刻畫：

6. My classmates were shocked at the very beginning and then burst into thundering applause. （心理和動作描寫）

根據續寫部分第二段的段首句“For the first time in my young life, I was a star in my class.”可推斷，該段的內容為主人公獲得認可和重拾信心后的心理變化，因此我們可用以下句子刻畫主人公的變化和成長：

7. Hearing such touching praise and warm applause, I stood there, embarrassed but excited. （動作和心理描寫）

8.I couldn't find a suitable word to describe my feelings there and then, but I did feel tears streaming down my face. （心理描寫）

9. I gradually cheered myself up, regained my confidence and never let my weakness prevent me trying. （心理描寫）

參考范文

Paragraph 1:

But, when she called on me, I was afraid.My head was sweating and my heart was pounding. Everyone in the classroom was waiting, silent, while I froze on my seat, still and trembling. A moment later, some students began to whisper and even shrugged, showing impatience and disrespect. However, Mrs Jordan made a stop sign and turned to me. She wore a sweet smile on her face, nodding and signaling me to reply. With her encouragement, I stood up slowly and offered my answer. “Good job,” said Mrs Jordan with amazement and delight. My classmates were shocked at the very beginning and then burst into thundering applause.

Paragraph 2:

For the first time in my young life, I was a star in my class.Hearing such touching praise and warm applause, I stood there, embarrassed but excited. I couldn't find a suitable word to describe my feelings there and then, but I did feel tears streaming down my face.All those self-doubt moments disappeared completely at that time. That was a turning point of my life. I gradually cheered myself up, regained my confidence and never let my weakness prevent me trying. So grateful was I to Mrs Jordan that even today I could never forget her simple two-word phrase and inspiring smile, which meant a lot to me.

【模擬導練】

閱讀下面材料，根據其內容和所給段落開頭語續寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的短文。

In a quiet little village surrounded by rolling hills, Lucy and her brother Max were walking to the family's strawberry fields to pick some strawberries when they came across an injured baby owl (貓頭鷹). The tiny owl was lying on the ground, with one of its wings badly hurt and its big brown eyes looking helplessly at the teens. Lucy and Max were animal lovers and they knew they had to do something to help the poor little creature.

“We have to save this baby owl, Max,” Lucy said as she crouched down beside the bird.

Max nodded, “I agree. But where can we take it?”

Lucy thought for a moment and then remembered a wildlife rehabilitation center (野生動物康復中心) located a few miles away. They quickly placed the baby owl in the small box they had planned to put strawberries in. Max took off his shirt to cover the box to keep the bird warm. They carefully placed the box in their backpack and headed out to the center.

The journey was not without its challenges. The skies suddenly darkened and the rain began to pour down, wetting Lucy and Max completely in seconds. But they were determined to save the baby owl, so they trudged on (步履艱難地走), searching for shelter from the rain. They finally found a big tree to hide under and huddled (蜷縮) together, trying to keep the box dry.

As the rain continued to fall, Lucy and Max looked at the baby owl in the box. It was so small and weak. They felt a sense of determination and protectiveness towards the little bird. They knew that they had to save it, no matter what.

Gradually, the rain got weaker and Lucy and Max continued their journey. They walked along a winding path, which was wet and slippery. They had to use some tree branches as walking sticks to provide them with extra support and to ensure their stability.

注意：續寫詞數應為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

Lucy and Max finally approached the wildlife rehabilitation center, wet and dirty.

Paragraph 2:

The weeks passed quickly, and one day Lucy and Max received a call from the head of the wildlife rehabilitation center.

【評價導思】

1. 續寫這篇文章的時候，我用了哪些細節描寫來塑造人物形象？

2. 在續寫中，我用細節描寫塑造的人物形象是否與前文的人物在性格上保持了一致？

3. 在細節描寫方面，我還有哪些地方做得不夠？