巧用曲折性原則寫好個人成長類讀后續寫

廣東 李奕群

【問題導讀】

讀后續寫中的故事續寫除了要求學生掌握豐富的詞匯和句式外，還要求學生具備內容構思和情節銜接的能力。在寫作中，我們發現很多同學續寫的內容平淡，缺乏吸引力，不能抓住讀者的眼球。這是因為他們在內容構思上出了問題，整個故事的情節構思沒有沖突和高潮，即沒有遵守曲折性原則。

【名師導學】

凡是故事都應有起伏或矛盾沖突，其中的人物會遇到不同類型的困難，這些困難往往最終能得到解決。但情節設計不能過于復雜或離奇，否則讀者（閱卷老師）不能快速讀懂你想表達的內容。而且往往文章中出現的矛盾是負面的，如何在接下來的續寫中將“負”轉為“正”就非常重要，有時候轉“正”之后，同學們需要自己再次挖掘隱含內容，再轉“負”，最后再轉“正”。這就是同學們在進行讀后續寫寫作時應該遵守的曲折性原則。高考中的讀后續寫多傾向于弘揚真善美，宣揚正能量，因此這種“負”轉“正”的構思可以廣泛運用于個人成長類的讀后續寫中。

【案例導引】

閱讀下面短文，根據所給情節進行續寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。

I could feel the excitement rising in me as I held the beautifully wrapped present in my hands.I felt the string of the package soft and then, unable to contain my curiosity any longer, I tore it open.It was a bright, brand new laptop.I had scored straight A's as for my O level examination and this was my reward.I had always envied my friends who were exchanging news about“chat rooms”,“instant messaging”and“e?mailing”, all of which I knew nothing about.Now I was going to find out.

It started out simply enough.I was searching for some information online when I came across a social networking site.Soon I became addicted to my new?found electronic friend.I began to spend more and more time on the Internet.I had never imagined that the day would come when I would be controlled entirely by the glowing screen before me.When?ever I was not glued to these social networking sites, I would be going through gossip or fashion websites.

As time passed, I realized that I was addicted to the Internet.During weekends, when I had more time on my hands, I could easily spend a few hours on my laptop.It came to a point where I chose to lock myself in my room,refusing to come out and take part in family discussions.I preferred to stay connected to the friends on the Internet, although I had never met them.Soon I was spending the whole hours of the morning surfing the Internet.Sleep was reduced to small naps and my grades at school also began getting from bad to worse.

注意：續寫詞數應為150左右。

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It was about this time that my parents noticed my change.________________________

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Then one day,my father took away my laptop._________________________________

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一、故事梳理

這篇文章以第一人稱視角講述了作者因沉迷于網絡而荒廢學業的故事。作者考試成績獲得全優，父母給他買了一臺全新的筆記本電腦作為獎勵。漸漸地，作者開始沉迷于網絡，不再與父母交流，學習成績也一落千丈。我們可以用“5W 原則”來分析文章結構和內容：

二、語言分析

通過觀察，我們發現原文對成長前的苦惱進行了大篇幅的描寫，即對負面情緒有很多描寫。比如：

1.I began to spend more and more time on the Internet.（Para.2）

我開始花越來越多的時間在網絡上。

2.I had never imagined that the day would come when I would be controlled entirely by the glowing screen before me.（Para.2）

我從來沒有想過，有一天我會完全被我面前發光的屏幕所控制。

3.As time passed,I realized that I was addicted to the Internet.（Para.3）

隨著時間的推移，我意識到我迷上了互聯網。

4.It came to a point where I chose to lock myself in my room,refusing to come out and take part in family discussions.（Para.3）

后來，我選擇把自己鎖在房間里，拒絕出來參加家庭討論。

三、常用招式

成長類故事構造“三步曲”：

第一步——成長前（負面情緒）

●孤獨

I never made friends easily,and for a time I did little more than get on speaking terms with some boys.我從來不輕易交朋友，有一段時間，我除了和一些男孩談笑風生之外，幾乎沒有做什么。

●傷心

1.I found nothing in my pocket,a fact that seemed like a spear piercing into my heart which started to bleed immediately.我在口袋里什么也沒發現，這個事實就像一把長矛刺進我的心臟，我的心臟立刻開始流血。

2.Looking around anxiously,I almost burst into crying.看了看周圍，我焦急地幾乎哭了起來。

●慚愧

1.She was overwhelmed/overcome/consumed with guilt and shame.她充滿了內疚和羞愧。

2.A wave of guilt swept over me and I had to admit the fact that I had gone to the movies and that was the real reason why I was late.一股罪惡感席卷了我，我不得不承認我去看電影了，這就是我遲到的真正原因。

●嘲笑

They laughed loudly with screaming words like“What a finest broken watch!”.他們大聲地笑著，尖叫著說類似“多漂亮的破表啊！”的話語。

●絕望

“My mother wouldn't let me bring it,”I lied, desperation boiling inside me.“我媽媽不讓我帶。”我撒謊道，絕望在我心中沸騰。

●緊張

1.Meanwhile,Karie sat restlessly in her seat with her fingers crossed.與此同時，卡里不安地坐在座位上，手指交叉著。

2.She told the teacher the truth, with her heart thumping/pounding/pumping like a drum.她把真相告訴了老師，心怦怦直跳。

3.Having paced up and down restlessly in front of the teacher's office, she finally ga?thered courage and plodded in.她在老師辦公室前不安地踱來踱去，終于鼓起勇氣，邁著沉重的步伐地走了進去。

●害怕

I unknowingly avoided interacting with anyone because I was afraid they'd laugh at me in my face.我不自覺地避免與任何人交流，因為我怕他們當面嘲笑我。

第二步——成長中（蛻變與塑造）

●驚訝

Raising her eyebrows in surprise, Mrs Rossi froze, as if rooted on the ground.羅西夫人驚訝地揚起眉毛，愣住了，仿佛在地上扎了根。

●希望

Jayce looked up to him, his eyes sparkling with hope and determination.杰斯抬起頭看著他，眼睛里閃爍著希望和決心。

●教育與成長

1.“That's not the right way.Patience,Will.Patience,”a voice echoed in my ears after the boys left.“那不是正確的方式。耐心點，威爾，耐心點。”男孩們離開后，一個聲音在我耳邊回響。

2.“What was done was done,”I thought to myself.“What is important now is to do correct things next.”“過去的事過去了。”我心里想，“現在重要的是下一步做正確的事情。”

3.Though anger, embarrassment and sadness hung heavily in the air, the voice drew me to the awareness of the mistakes I had made when I attempted to impress the boys.雖然憤怒、尷尬和悲傷沉重地彌漫在空氣中，但這個聲音讓我意識到我在試圖讓那些男孩留下深刻印象時犯下的錯誤。

第三步——成長后（正面情緒+升華）

●喜悅

1.Karie grinned as she read the label on the box.卡里一邊看盒子上的標簽，一邊咧嘴一笑。

2.Hearing that, Karie grinned from ear to ear, a wave of happiness flooding over her.聽到這話，卡里笑得合不攏嘴，一股幸福的浪潮涌上她的心頭。

●感激

I looked at her,tears of love and gratitude welling up in my eyes.我看著她，愛與感激的淚水奪眶而出。

●升華

1.I knew for sure that every time I lost patience in the future I would remember my grandfather's words.我確信，將來每當我失去耐心時，我都會想起祖父的話。

2.It was the first time that I had truly realized the meaning of the gift—patience.這是我第一次真正體會到這份禮物的意義——耐心。

【參考范文】

Paragraph 1:

It was about this time that my parents noticed my change.They voiced their disap?proval.It became obvious to them that I was spending too much time on the Internet.I was asked to slow down my usage of the Internet.Yet,however hard I tried,I was unable to pull myself away, unable to end my chat sessions, and unable to concentrate on my lessons.I was desperate for just another click,just another look at my e-mail or message board.（成長前：負面情緒）

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Then one day,my father took away my laptop.I cried and objected but in vain.Dad had made up his mind.But over time, I realized that Dad and Mum had always wanted the best for me.（成長中：蛻變與塑造）That was when I decided to take the big step—to conquer my Internet addiction.Quitting was harder than I had expected.But with dogged determination, I knew that I would be able to do it.It was never too late to change.(成長后：正面情緒+升華)

【模擬導練】

閱讀下面短文，根據所給情節進行續寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。

Ring a bell

Ms Tracy looked up from her yellow notebook and cleared her throat.The noise in the class died down as we turned towards her.“We're going to help a charity to collect money by ringing a bell.Each of you will ring it for four hours,”she announced.As the words left her lips,complaints could be heard around the room.Unwillingly,I dug for my planner and looked for notes.I could use the four hours of ringing a stupid bell to study for the SAT.Was this supposed to be a joke? I joined the students around the table and signed up for the first day of break—to get it over with.

A few weeks later, I was standing next to the big blue?and?white Walmart.There was another guy holding a jar across from me.Great, I was going to be stuck here ringing a bell with a guy who was trying to get donations for another charity.To top it off, it was only about 4.4 ℃.

Slowly,I put on the red dress bearing the symbol of charity.I hoped that I had already spent two minutes doing that.Ring! Ring! A group of older women came up with their walking sticks to drop in some change.A man came by and put some coins in.I checked my phone.Just 10 minutes had passed.

A strong bitterly?cold wind blew against my freezing face.I was starting to regret ignoring my mom's advice to wear a scarf.I looked up, wishing that time would pass more quickly.A few birds swept around the poles.The sky was gently blue.Palm trees waved in the cold wind.How comfortable it might be to curl (蜷縮) up with a hot cup of tea and a book on the cozy sofa!Then another ring brought me back to reality.

注意：續寫詞數應為150左右。

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From the parking lot stepped out a poorly-dressed man,walking with difficulty towards me.______________________________________________________________________

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Inspired by his generosity,I continued to ring my bell happily.____________________

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【評價導思】

1.這篇文章是否屬于個人成長類讀后續寫？

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2.文章中設置了哪些沖突？有哪些成長前的負面情緒的描寫？

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3.我可以怎樣運用曲折性原則和成長類故事“三步曲”進行續寫？

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