巧用比喻，提升續寫

廣東 李奕群

【問題導讀】

在進行讀后續寫的過程中，人物情緒的凸顯和刻畫是非常重要的。很多同學在進行讀后續寫中的情緒描寫的時候角度單一、語言呆板，常常只用寥寥幾個形容詞進行直白的描述，難以打動讀者。

先有意動，才有花動。以李白的《靜夜思》為例：床前明月光，疑是地上霜。舉頭望明月，低頭思故鄉。如果只寫前兩句，這首詩還只是寫物象，而通過月亮想到故鄉，把月光和故鄉關聯起來，表達作者心中的愁思，能夠引起讀者心中的無限惆悵，意境就體現出來了。單純的物象描寫只為情節服務，把不同的物象放在一定的語境里，讓讀者產生聯想，才能凸顯人物情緒，刻畫人物形象。所以，在進行讀后續寫的過程中，選好物象，運用比喻，能更好地凸顯人物情緒，極大增強故事敘述的文學性。

【名師導學】

比喻就是根據事物之間的相似點，把某一事物比作另一事物，依據比喻和被比喻的兩種不同事物的相似關系構成的修辭格，也是最富感染力的修辭手法之一。判定比喻修辭手法的詞有(as)...as、like 等，這些詞被稱作比喻詞（acknowledging word），它們是辨別比喻的最顯著的特征。在人物性格描寫中使用比喻可以把抽象的事物變得具體、形象，給文字增加畫面感，增強語言的表現力。

【案例導引】

閱讀下面短文，根據所給情節進行續寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。

“I'm going to miss you so much,Poppy,”said the tall,thin teenager.He bent down to hug his old friend goodbye.He stood up,hugged his parents,and smiled,trying not to let his emotions get the better of him.

His parents were not quite able to keep theirs under control.They had driven their son several hours out of town to the university where he would soon be living and studying.It was time to say goodbye for now at least.The family hugged and smiled through misty eyes and then laughed.

The boy lifted the last bag onto his shoulder and flashed a smile as bright as daylight.“I guess this is it,”he said.“I'll see you back home in a month,okay?”His parents nodded,and they watched as he walked out of sight into the crowds of hundreds of students and parents.The boy's mother turned to the dog,“Okay,Poppy.It's time to go back home.”

The house seemed quiet as a tomb without the boy living there.All that week,Poppy didn't seem interested in her dinner,her favorite toy,or even in her daily walk,just like a deflated balloon.Her owners were sad too,but they knew their son would be back to visit.However,Poppy didn't know that.

They offered the dog some of her favorite peanut butter treats.They even let her sit on the sofa,but the old girl just wasn't cheerful as usual.Her owners started to get worried.“What should we do to cheer Poppy up?We've tried everything,”Dad said.

“I have an idea,but it might be a little crazy.Without anybody left in the house but us,this place may lack fun.Let's get a little dog for Poppy,”Mom said.

It didn't take long before they walked through the front door carrying a big box.Poppy welcomed them home as usual,but when she saw the box,she stopped.She put her nose on it.Her tail began wagging(擺動)ever so slowly,and then excitement took hold of her like thunder as she caught the smell.

注意：續寫詞數應為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

Dadopenedtheboxandasweetlittledogappeared._______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph 2:

Afewweekslater,theboyarrivedhomefromuniversity.____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

一、故事梳理

這篇文章是以第三人稱的視角講述男孩去外地上大學后，家里的狗因為思念男孩郁郁寡歡，對什么都沒有興趣，父母為了讓其振作起來，于是想再養一只狗的故事。這個故事體現出濃濃的親情，還有人和動物之間的感情。我們可以用“STAR原則”來分析文章的結構和內容：

S(situation)T(target)___A(acti______on)___R(resu_____lt)The boy went to a university in another town.After that,Poppy didn't seem interested in her dinner,her favorite toy,or even in her daily walk.___________________Poppy could cheer herself up._____________________________________________Parents got a little dog for Poppy.__________________________________________Poppy felt excited about the little dog.______________________________________

二、語言分析

通過觀察我們發現原文中使用了大量的比喻句，這些比喻句的使用可以讓我們更好地理解人物情緒以及解讀人物的個性。例如：

1.The boy lifted the last bag onto his shoulder and flashed a smile as bright as daylight.（Para.3）

男孩把最后一個袋子扛到肩上，露出了像日光一樣燦爛的笑容。

2.The house seemed quiet as a tomb without the boy living there.（Para.4）

沒有那個男孩住在那里，這所房子似乎像一座墳墓一樣安靜。

3.All that week,Poppy didn't seem interested in her dinner,her favorite toy,or even in her daily walk,just like a deflated balloon.（Para.4）

整個星期，波比似乎對她的晚餐、她最喜歡的玩具，甚至對她每天的散步都不感興趣，就像一個泄氣的氣球一樣。

4.Her tail began wagging ever so slowly,and then excitement took hold of her like thunder as she caught the smell.（Para.7）

她的尾巴開始慢慢地搖著，當她聞到氣味時，她興奮得像被閃電擊中了一樣。

三、常用招式

在用比喻句進行情緒描寫的時候，我們可以使用以下句式。

1.情緒句式一：sb do sth like a...

Filled with rage,he charged towards me like a bull.

他滿腔怒火，如公牛般向我沖來。

Falling into sadness,Rose buried her crestfallen face in arms like a deflated balloon.

羅斯陷入悲傷，沮喪的臉埋在懷里，就像一個泄氣的氣球。

Drown in laughter,Jimmy dashed out of the school like a free bird.

吉米笑了，像一只自由的鳥一樣沖出了學校。

2.情緒句式二：情緒名詞+wash over/take hold of/overwhelm sb like...

Happiness washed over him like warm sunshine.

幸福就像溫暖的陽光一樣籠罩著他。

Anger took hold of him like a wild beast.

他憤怒得像一頭野獸。

3.情緒句式三：as+情緒形容詞+as+意象

as happy as a clam at high tide 像漲潮時的蛤蜊一樣高興

as nervous as a cat on hot bricks 緊張得像熱鍋上的螞蟻

as pale as a sheet 蒼白如紙

as tough as old boots 很強壯；堅韌不拔

as sly as a fox 狡猾得像只狐貍

as busy as bees 忙得不可開交

as blind as a bat 有眼無珠；視力不佳

as cheerful as a lark 興高采烈

as cross as a bear 脾氣很壞；怒氣沖沖

as deep as a well 高深莫測；難以捉摸

as silly as a goose 像鵝一樣愚蠢；蠢極了

as fast as a hare 像野兔一樣快；動如脫兔

as quiet as a sheep 靜如綿羊

as bright as daylight 亮如白晝

as brave as a lion 像獅子一樣勇敢

as radiant as roses 像玫瑰一樣容光煥發

as playful as a kitten 像小貓一樣頑皮

as good as gold 規規矩矩；表現好

as hungry as a hunter 非常饑餓

as gentle as a breeze 宛若微風般輕柔

On the last day of school,he dashed out of the school gate feeling as happy as a clam at high tide.

在上學的最后一天，他沖出學校大門，感覺像漲潮時的蛤蜊一樣高興。

At the sight of the snake,her face turned as pale as a sheet.

一看到那條蛇，她的臉色就變得蒼白如紙。

【參考范文】

（加黑部分使用了比喻句。）

Paragraph 1:

Dadopenedtheboxandasweetlittledogappeared.Dad put the box on the ground and opened the top.A shiny little wet nose popped up,and then two fluffy paws.Next the box tipped over sideways,and out tumbled a mass of wiggly golden silliness.Poppy barked,feeling as happy as a clam at high tide.The little pup was not shy and immediately started yipping and jumping around the older dog.Both dogs went roaring around the house in an impromptu game of chase.Happiness washed over the two dogs like warm sunshine.

Paragraph 2:

Afewweekslater,theboyarrivedhomefromuniversity.He missed Poppy so much and was looking forward to seeing her.Filled with excitement,Poppy charged towards him like a flying bullet.When he bent down to give her a big hug,he fell over in surprise as a small golden cloud came racing up to lick his face too.“Oh my gosh,who is this?”At the sight of it,his face turned as pale as a sheet.His parents laughed at the look of shock on his face.“That's Pee-wee,”said Dad.“I can't believe you got yourselves a puppy!”the boy replied.“We didn't.This puppy is for Poppy!”replied Mom.

【模擬導練】

閱讀下面短文，根據所給情節進行續寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。

It was summer,and my dad wanted to treat me to a vacation like never before.He decided to take me on a trip to the Wild West.

We took a plane to Albuquerque,a big city in the state of New Mexico.We reached Albuquerque in the late afternoon.Uncle Paul,my dad's friend,picked us up from the airport and drove us up to his farm in Pecos.

His wife Tina cooked us a delicious dinner and we got to know his sons Ryan and Kyle.My dad and I spent the night in the guestroom of the farm house listening to the frogs and water rolling down the river nearby.Peace washed over us like a gentle breeze.Very early in the morning,Uncle Paul woke us up to have breakfast.“The day starts at dawn on my farm,”he said.After breakfast,I went to help Aunt Tina feed the chickens,while my dad went with Uncle Paul to take the sheep out to graze (吃草).I was impressed to see my dad and Uncle Paul riding horses.They looked really as cool as warriors.

In the afternoon,I asked Uncle Paul if I could take a horse ride,and he said yes,as long as my dad went with me.I wasn't going to take a horse ride by myself anyway.So,my dad and I put on our new cowboy hats,got on our horses,and headed slowly towards the mountains.“Don't be late for supper,”Uncle Paul cried,“and keep to the track so that you don't get lost!”“OK!”my dad cried back.After a while,Uncle Paul and his farm house were out of sight.It was so peaceful and quiet and the colors of the brown rocks,the deep green pine trees,and the late afternoon sun mixed to create a magic scene.It looked like a beautiful woven(編織的)blanket spread out upon the ground just for us.

注意：續寫詞數應為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

Suddenlyalittlerabbitjumpedoutinfrontofmyhorse.____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph 2:

Wehadnoideawherewewereanditwasgettingdark.____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

【評價導思】

1.我的續寫文章在語言上與前文是否協同一致？

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2.在凸顯人物情緒和性格時，我使用了哪些句式結構？

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3.為了更好地凸顯人物情緒，哪些句子適合改為比喻句？

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