借景抒情、寓情于景——讀后續寫中的環境描寫

廣東 李奕群

【問題導讀】

人生有情感，遇物牽所思。恰當的環境描寫有利于推動故事情節的發展，烘托人物的心理活動，給讀者身臨其境的感受。讀后續寫中加入適當的環境描寫，可以讓文章更有畫面感，正如閱讀中文的古詩時，讀到“大漠孤煙直，長河落日圓”，抑或是“明月松間照，清泉石上流”等詩句，我們的腦海里不自覺就會浮現一幅幅美麗的畫面。在大自然中，有很多元素，風、花、天空、云朵等。人物的心情也是變化多樣的。然而，用英文去描述這么多優美的環境是極具挑戰性的。有些學生還會走一個極端，寫大量背過的句子，導致續寫文章浮于表面。

【名師導學】

借景抒情、寓情于景是寫作中常用的手法。環境描寫可以描寫事件發生的環境，也可以描寫人看到的景象或感受到的某種情緒。環境描寫只起畫龍點睛的作用，環境描寫不要寫太長，且環境描寫一定是為內容服務而不是為了讓文章看起來高大上。所以寫作的時候千萬不要本末倒置，不要一味地堆砌華麗的辭藻，不要寫一些無關緊要的套句或者環境描寫。

環境描寫在讀后續寫中的作用：

1.襯托或突出人物的性格、心理等。

2.暗示或推動故事情節發展。

3.增添或烘托某種氣氛和意境，奠定全文基調。

4.揭示主題，深化主旨。

【案例導引】

閱讀下面短文，根據所給情節進行續寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。

The icy wind howled across the empty street and it was an unusually quiet day in the emergency room on the New Year.It was quiet,except for the nurses who were standing around the nurses' station complaining about having to work over the New Year,for people were supposed to be spending time with their families and exchanging gifts and wishes.

I was the guiding nurse that day and had just done the cleanup in the waiting room.Since there were no patients waiting to be seen at the time,I returned to the nurses'station for a cup of hot coffee that someone had brought in for the New Year.Just then,a colleague came back and told me I had five patients waiting to be evaluated.

I was surprised,“Five,how did I get five? I was just out there and no one was in the waiting room.”

“Well,there are five signed in.”

So I went straight out and called the first name.Five bodies showed up at my guiding desk,a pale short woman and four small children in untidy clothing.

“Are you all sick?” I asked suspiciously.

“Yes,” she said weakly and lowered her head.

“Okay,” I replied,unconvinced,“Who's first?” One by one they sat down,and I asked the usual beginning questions.When it came to the descriptions of their symptoms,things got a little vague.Two of the children had headaches,but the headaches weren't accompanied by the normal body language of holding the head or trying to keep it still.Two children had earaches,but only one could tell me which ear was affected.The mother complained of a cough,but seemed to work to produce it.

Something was wrong with the picture.Our hospital policy,however,was not to turn away any patient,so we would see them.When I explained to the mother that it might be a little while before a doctor saw her,because there were several more critical patients,she responded,“Take your time.It's warm here and there is an atmosphere of the New Year for that tree with the New Year gifts.”注意：續寫詞數應為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

Thensheturnedand,withasmile,settledherkidsinthewaitingroom._______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph 2:

Mycolleagues,complainingaboutworkingovertheNewYear,showedsympathyforthe homelessfamily.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

一、故事梳理

這篇文章是以第一人稱的視角講述新年期間當護士們正在抱怨新年節日期間仍要上班時，醫院來了5 位病人的故事。一位母親帶著四個孩子在新年之際無家可歸，護士們都對此深表同情并且想要給他們帶來更多溫暖。

_Wher___e__Wh____en__W_____ho What__W_____hy in the hospital_______________________________________________________________on the New Year______________________________________________________________5 patients and the nurses The nurses complaining about working over the New Year felt sympathetic towards the 5 pa-_________tients and wanted to do something to h___________________________________________elp_them.The 5 patients were homeless.___________________________________________________

二、語言分析

通過觀察我們發現文章的開頭和結尾處都有環境描寫。例如：

1.The icy wind howled across the empty street and it was an unusually quiet day in the emergency room on the New Year.（Para.1）

冰冷的風呼嘯著穿過空蕩蕩的街道，新年這天，急診室異常安靜。

先觀察這一部分環境描寫里的形容詞icy、empty、quiet 和動詞howl，雖然沒有一個是描寫心理的，但是我們很容易感受到人物此處傷感的情緒，這為后文奠定了感情基調：正值新年假期卻不能休息，還要繼續上班，護士們對此有諸多抱怨。

2.Take your time.It's warm here and there is an atmosphere of the New Year for that tree with the New Year gifts.（Para.9)

慢慢來。這里很暖和，并且還有新年的氣氛，因為那兒有一棵掛滿新年禮物的樹。

這一段環境描寫出現在那位母親說的話里。句中的形容詞warm 和an atmosphere of the New Year 的意象很容易讓我們感受到人物此時的心理狀態是幸福、溫暖的。這也和開頭處的環境描寫形成對比：同樣在醫院里，要上班的護士們感受到的是冷風呼嘯，而這位無家可歸的母親感受到的卻是幸福、溫暖。

三、常用招式

環境描寫分為客觀和主觀兩種角度：客觀角度從環境本身入手，主觀角度則從觀察者的角度描寫環境。通常在描寫時主、客觀角度交替進行。人物的心情也是變化多樣的，但是總體可以分為正面和負面，不同元素的環境描寫有不同的作用。

（一）風

1.The wind/breeze,soft and sweet,clicked through tree branches.

微風輕拂，柔和又清新，撥動著樹枝。

2.A gust of wind blew and parted the drooping branches of the willow.

一陣狂風吹來，撥開了柳樹低垂的枝條。

3.The leaves rustled in the wind.

樹葉在風中沙沙作響。

4.A sweet and soft breeze wafted through my hair.

輕柔的和風吹過我的頭發。

5.The wind cried wildly like a monster.

狂風像野獸般嚎叫。

6.A gust of wind ships the dust along the road.

一陣狂風吹來，卷起路邊的塵土。

7.The icy wind started howling,cutting my face like a sharp knife.

刺骨的寒風開始咆哮，像一把鋒利的刀子割在我的臉上。

（二）雷雨

1.The rain came pouring down,and the winds beat against the house.

大雨傾盆而至，狂風拍打著房屋。

2.The drops of rain are huge.Soon,the road was filled with puddles from the rain.

大顆大顆的雨滴落下。很快，路上就滿是水坑。

3.Thunder begins to grumble in the distance.

遠處開始響起轟隆隆的雷聲。

4.The bolt of lightning stabs the sky.

一道閃電劃過天空。

5.Suddenly,an earthshaking clap of thunder roared from the storm outside.

突然間，震耳欲聾的雷聲從外面咆哮而來。

6.The lights flickered once and died,covering everything in a blanket of blackness.Thunder continued to shake the sky and lightning illuminated the store for seconds.

燈光閃爍了一下，又消失了，讓一切都被籠罩在黑暗里。雷聲持續不斷，似乎天空都在顫抖，閃電照亮了商店幾秒鐘。

（三）雪花

1.It was still cold and frigid with the snow constantly blowing and whipping onto our faces.

天氣極其寒冷，雪花不停飄落，打在我們的臉上。

2.One snowy day,the winds grew stronger and the snow turned into a blinding snowstorm.

在一個雪天，風越來越強，大雪變成了白茫茫一片的暴風雪。

3.The frozen snow crunch under our feet.

結了冰的雪花在我們腳下嘎吱嘎吱響。

4.The feathery snowflakes danced in the night air,making a beautiful picture.

鵝毛般的雪花在夜空中飛舞，成了一幅美麗的圖畫。

（四）天空

1.The sky is overcast,darkened with gloomy clouds.

天空烏云密布。

2.The sky was a curdled gray burdened with lumps of clouds.

天空是昏暗的灰色，濃云密布。

3.The sky stood far and blue.

天空蔚藍高遠。

4.The color of the sky was changing,first light gray,then dark gray,and finally dark and dense.

天空的顏色開始變化，從淺灰色到深灰色，最后一片漆黑。

（五）陽光、月光、星光

1.The sky was dotted with sparkling stars,shining like diamonds.

天空中點綴著璀璨的繁星，像鉆石般閃耀。

2.Clusters of stars decorated the vast sky like sparkling jewels.

繁星像閃閃發光的珠寶一樣點綴著廣闊的天空。

3.Spectacular pink shades marked the western skyline.The sky darkened and,one by one,the stars shone with a soft light.

絢麗的粉紅色的暮色標記著西邊的天際線。天空暗下來了，星星一顆接一顆地發出柔和的光。

4.Stars winked at me in a darkening sky.

夜空中的星星向我眨眼。

5.The sun was beginning to set,glittering red.

太陽開始西落，閃爍著紅色的斜暉。

6.A glimmer of light spilled into the corridor.

一絲微光泄入了走廊。

（六）水流、河流、海洋

1.The water was deep blue and sunlight glittered on its looking glass-clear surface.

溪水湛藍，陽光在玻璃一樣透明的水面閃閃發光。

2.The faint sound of water was tumbling through the valley.

潺潺的水聲在山谷里回響。

3.A little way off was a small brook,rushing and sparkling along between green banks.

離此不遠處，有一條小溪，在綠色的河岸間奔騰閃耀。

4.The beach was bathed in the amber-like sunshine.

沙灘沐浴在琥珀般的陽光中。

5.The gurgle of the stream soothed me.

汩汩的溪水聲讓我平靜下來。

6.The expanse of blue water stretched in every direction to the horizon,frothy waves lapping at a sand beach.

藍色的海水向四面八方延伸到地平線，白色泡沫狀的海浪拍打著沙灘。

7.The ship would lie there mirrored in a perfectly unmoving glossy sea.

船會停靠在那里，映襯在一片波瀾不興的、光彩奪目的海水中。

【參考范文】

（畫橫線部分使用了環境描寫。）

Paragraph 1:

Thensheturnedand,withasmile,settledherkidsinthewaitingroom.Though warm,the room was far from comfortable for children,who nestled closely by the gift tree.The youngest kid was staring at gifts on the tree,exclaiming something to her mother.Met with refusal,the wretched creature was on the verge of tears.The guilty mother looked upset,great sorrow clouding her face.The icy wind was still howling,cutting faces like a sharp knife.Realizing they were homeless,I went back and told my colleagues what had happened.

Paragraph 2:

Mycolleagues,complainingaboutworkingovertheNewYear,showedsympathyforthe homelessfamily.Soon we were busy preparing presents for our unexpected guests,who just wanted to stay warm on the New Year.With gifts in hand,the kids couldn't restrain their joy.The waiting room pulsed with infectious laughter.As they were leaving,a glimmer of light spilled into the corridor.The mother hugged each of us and whispered,“You're our angels and it's your love that warms us up!”

【模擬導練】

閱讀下面短文，根據所給情節進行續寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。

On Sunday,Nicholas,a teenager,went skiing with his father at Sugarloaf Mountain in Maine.

They had a wonderful day and decided to drive home to Massachusetts after a final run.They took a chairlift to the top of the mountain,where they split up to go down in different trails.When the father finished his run,he headed to the parking lot to wait for his son.However,Nicholas never showed up.

It turned out that a fierce snowstorm had swept into the area as Nicholas was on his way down.Unable to see far,he accidentally turned off the path and ventured down the west side of the mountain.Before he knew it,Nicholas was lost and all alone.His way back to the ski trails was blocked.What's worse,he didn't have any food or water with him,let alone his cell phone or other supplies.The sun began to sink and he was getting colder by the minute.

Nicholas had no idea where he was.He tried not to panic.He thought about Bear Grylls'survival showManvsWildthat he used to watch on TV.In the show,Grylls is abandoned in a wild area and has to help himself out.It was time to put the tips he had learned to use.

He decided to stop moving around.He needed the energy,and the winds weren't as strong in the valley where he stood as they were up on the mountain.Plus,there was a better chance of someone finding him if he stayed put.The first thing he did was to seek shelter from the freezing wind and snow.Using his skis,Nicholas built a snow cave.He gathered a huge mass of snow and dug out a hole in the middle.Then he piled branches on top of himself,like a blanket,to stay as warm as he could.

When evening came,Nicholas was really hungry.He ate some snow and drank some water from a nearby stream so that he wouldn't dehydrate (脫水).Then he returned to his cave and slept.

注意：續寫詞數應為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

WhenNicholasdidn'tshowup,hisfatherrealizedtheremustbesomethingwrong._______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph 2:

Thenextday,Nicholasheardthesoundofasnowmobile.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

【評價導思】

1.我的續寫文章在語言風格上與前文是否協同一致？

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2.我使用了哪些環境描寫？

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3.我的環境描寫是否為我的寫作內容服務？它們分別起了哪些作用？

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