Self-Discipline

This book covers the author’s thoughts on her personal growth， workplace， social life， communication， expression， emotional control， intimacy， and many other aspects. It is a set of methods summarized and practiced by the author over the years， hoping to help readers acquire some life wisdom， get rid of anxiety， and be at ease.

Ease： 100 Fundamentals About the Wisdom of Life

Li Xiaoyi

CITIC Press Group

December 2022

59.00 （CNY）

Scholarly demeanor

My most desirable quality is to have a “scholarly demeanor.” It is a unique and magical bearing， and those who have a scholarly demeanor can transcend their physical appearance and make themselves more appealing to people.

After observing for a long time， I noticed that people who possess a scholarly demeanor all have three characteristics.

Firstly， the underlying color of scholarly demeanor is “tranquility.”

To gain great beauty， one must possess inner tranquility. Suppose a person can withstand loneliness， remain calm， maintain focus， and engage in deep thinking and work. In that case， this mindset will manifest itself as a gentle and peaceful demeanor， as well as a mild and determined expression， without a hint of aggression or oppression. For example， Yang Jiang， who experienced a tumultuous life but never ceased to read， Fan Jinshi， who dedicated her life to protecting Dunhuang’s cultural relics， and Ye Jiaying， China’s last great poet， these three women may not have been physically good-looking， but their inner tranquility made them very beautiful， and they became more beautiful as they aged.

Secondly， their body language is natural and decent.

Most people’s body language， including mine， is somewhat disorganized， with unconscious gestures such as scratching the ear， looking around， and wandering eyes， which directly expose inner tension or emotional instability. However， those with a scholarly demeanor have a stable inner core and a steady demeanor， and they are measured in their movements. For example， when we think of Yuan Quan， Yu Feihong， Liu Yifei， and Audrey Hepburn， they don’t have exaggerated gestures， their expressions are appropriate but don’t change too quickly， they cry when they need to， and they laugh when they want to. They are not emotionally erratic and don’t have too many small movements.

Managing your gestures and facial expressions is a long-term habit that can be practiced by looking in the mirror or recording yourself on the video to make corrections.

Thirdly， the most important thing is that a scholarly demeanor comes from truly reading a lot of books.

The cultivation of facial expressions and behavior depends on inner self-cultivation. When you possess the foundation of self-approved aesthetics and knowledge， you can reach a state of being natural and at ease.

Learning can shape one’s character. “Reading history makes one wise， reading poetry makes one elegant， mathematics makes one precise， science makes one profound， ethics makes one solemn， and logic and rhetoric make one eloquent.” As Zeng Guofan said， “only through reading can one change one’s temperament.”

In my opinion， a scholarly demeanor is the “top stream” of temperament. With it， elegance will shine rather than appear artificial; heroism will be sharp and lovely rather than reckless; and purity will be clean and innocent rather than dull.

Most people with a scholarly demeanor are not too young. Those who have read ten thousand books， traveled ten thousand miles， and have their own worldview， will have a scholarly demeanor flowing unconsciously.

Exercise is more miraculous than plastic surgery.

I have been consistently exercising for four years， and it is the only habit that has truly brought “reverse aging” with changes not only in my physical appearance but also in my mental state. Here are my four takeaways：

First， exercise can make us look better than our past selves， but it cannot defy nature. I have a pear-shaped figure， previously a “big pear，” now a “small pear.” The hip line has lifted， making my legs appear slightly longer. However， I will never have slim and long legs， and I will never be able to completely change my body shape. Exercise has allowed me to accept my body’s imperfections and genuinely appreciate my imperfect self.

Second， there is local fat accumulation， but no targeted local slimming.

I am a “thick-legged” person， and on the first day of exercising， I told the coach， “I want to slim my legs specifically.” The coach said it was impossible. Your legs cannot become slim unless you slim down your entire body. The exercise involves the breakdown and metabolism of whole-body fat， and the proportional reduction of whole-body fat. It’s impossible to slim down a specific body part. I realized that if a person’s overall condition is good， others will not care about their flaws， such as Marilyn Monroe， who had an imperfect belly and excess fat， but was still healthy and sexy. Conversely， if a person’s overall condition is not good， even if they have obvious advantages， it will be discounted in the degree of their manifestation.

Third， a curvy backside often comes with thick thighs， so strengths and weaknesses are relative.

I see great results when I train my glutes， but after four years of exercise， I still have thick thighs. My coach said that the organs and features of the human body are relative， and it’s rare for someone to naturally have both a curvy backside and slender legs. Just like no one can be happy and profound， smart and blunt， eloquent and silent， each strength comes with a hidden weakness， and a corresponding advantage accompanies every perceived flaw. There’s no need to be too hard on oneself.

Fourth， the effects of exercise are more miraculous than plastic surgery.

After I started working out， people often asked me， “Did you get plastic surgery？”

I didn’t.

Who doesn’t long for instant youth and an immediately tightened contour？ I’ve tried things like hyaluronic acid injections and photonic and laser-based treatments， but to be honest， they hardly worked on me because I already had healthy lifestyle habits： early to bed and early to rise， regular exercise， a balanced diet， and strict skincare. I understand appearance anxiety and the desire to be beautiful， but I try to avoid it as much as possible. You can quickly fix facial features， but you can’t quickly fix your values; you can alter your face， but you can’t change your spirit.

After I started working out， the changes in my mental state and mood were greater than those in my body. It’s as if my entire being radiated light. No HIFU treatment can compare to the natural contour of a toned body， and no speeded-up training can replace the positive effects of good habits accumulated over time.

In this fast-paced world， I still believe in the power of consistent effort.

I believe that exercise is not about outdoing others or showing off abs， but about becoming a healthier， more flexible version of yourself.

Li Xiaoyi

Li Xiaoyi is a writer and media professional. She has been named one of the top writers in China from the 10th to the 13th China Writer Rankings.